frothing at the mouth because my friend suggested a drunk shakespeare play where every single actor is drunk except for horatio and he has to try to keep the play on track while still having his own part to play
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i fully believe if shane and ilya did surrogacy they would mix their cum together in the sample to compete for whose sperm is the strongest. they'll get to find out at birth whose genes won
hard launch this, soft launch that...has anyone written hollanov going full gaslighting with their coming out? just straight up going "we've been together for years? why are you acting like this is news?"
double points if they don't even plan to do it. they decide to soft launch via no longer actively hiding their relationship, just slowly acting more like a couple around other people. they're both at some event and ilya finds shane and just wraps his arm across his shoulders, which maybe that could just be ilya being ilya, but then shane just leans into it? like this is fine and normal? and when someone questions it shane panics and is just like "why wouldn't i? he's my boyfriend" and whoever they're talking to is like "what? since when?" and ilya is immediately onboard with this game "since 2017."
they just keep doubling down "you don't remember me sneaking out to go visit him every time we played in boston? you were all chirping me about it."
"wait, did you two drive here together?" "why would we take separate cars, we live together?" "you WHAT?"
when someone thinks they're joking they bring up the group chat with shane's parents, ilya scrolls back to a text where yuna calls him her favorite son. they bring up a video clip jackie sent of the twins saying "we love you uncle ilya!" shane brings up his thread with svetlana where she sends him russian words and phrases she thinks he should know.
they quickly enlist everyone who already knew, get them all onboard to pretend like their relationship wasn't ever top secret information. shane posts a picture of him with anya, when someone comments "that looks just like ilya rozanov's dog?" he just replies "yeah, we adopted her several months ago" and ilya replies "love our daughter ❤️"
the more people act like this is revelatory news the more they inisist that it's not. "we started a charity together!" "i moved to canada for him!" meanwhile everyone else is slowly losing their minds.
I passed a flower shop next to a tattoo shop and at first I laughed because I thought it was ironic and then i freaked because IMAGINE YOUR OTP IN A FLORIST/TATTOO ARTIST AU
I cannot BELIEVE a post I made when I was 13 is circulating! And also apparently started this trope? I thought somebody had the idea separately and it blew up that way😭
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(please consider voting for him, I worked very hard on this drawing)
Edit: it has come to my attention that people have been reposting this artwork on other platform like tiktok without permission or credit. If you want to use my art in any videos, please add a link to my account and credit me. Thanks♡
Some reasons to vote for Tenna:
He made a huge cultural impact online, spawning many AU's, fanfiction, fanart, ASMR Videos, a dating sim fangame and much more! People are feral for this TV!
He's middle aged, past his prime and terrified of becoming obsolete (so we must show him that he's loved!)
He's bad with modern technology and doesn't even know what an e-mail is
He is a deeply flawed, relatable comfort character for many
He'd be the FIRST object head to win the contest!
He is canonically queer
He canonically whines when he's asking for a walk and wants you to be gentle if you want to touch that dial (yep, he says that)
He introduced a lot of people to wireplay and contributed a lot to the entire robo smut genre (a lot of new tags exist solely because of him)
He is around 15 feet tall and can shrink to the size of an ant ("Tall enough to be a giant, handsome, apron- wearing older husband, and small enough so he can be like a glooby, cute pet that can be kept in a cage.")
He was originally supposed to look more like an Ant and had four arms in his early concept drawings
He'd do ANYTHING to entertain you and is desperate for validation
He has abandonment issues and deeply misses his ex who also happens to be a tumblr sexyman
He's emotionally unstable and has rapid moodswings
He would definetly cry and be depressed for weeks if he lost the contest
He's a single dad who loves his daughter
His idle animation is a silly little dance, he is very expressive and can't stand still for the life of him
He is essentially a traumatized child of divorce and just wants to be loved
Vote for Tenna here if you love TV!
💬 8661 🔁 29146 ❤️ 37462 · Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Final Round
Tenna art by @9Aaaalt29 on twt
I love the idea of citing texts between friends as though they were museum art pieces. This of course gives rise to Peer Review of Headcanon, part 629, screenshot of dm, by new moots who met each other five minutes ago
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booty shorts that say, “THIS IS A SYSTEM. THE REASON THAT THIS WORKS IS BECAUSE EVERY COMPONENT OF THE ORGANIZATION AND ITS RESOURCES WORK TOGETHER” on the ass
I love going viral on tumblr.com. It’s like if you stood in a field and said some of the stupidest shit a human being is capable of and then like fifty thousand crows attacked you
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WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS
I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT
FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING
THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS
rub me on your body
ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT
IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER
WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS
I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT
FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING
THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS
rub me on your body
ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT
IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER