did you hear the pain in my voice when I said I love you? did you hear the crack in my voice trying to disguise my sadness, trying my hardest to hold it together? did you hear the disappointment in my breath with the last letter I spoke? trying to hide my pain because I know youre hurting too. but you’re not the only one on the edge of a cliff trying not to break down. I must be strong, for your sake. I can be strong for the rest of my life.. right? you blow up, feel sad, get depressed, get pissed. I stay strong.. for you. holding back tears makes us stronger, right? telling your heart not to cry yourself to sleep makes you stronger, right? knowing there’s nothing I can do to change how I feel and how I get treated, accepting it hurts too. you’re not the only one falling, I can’t see the ground either baby. hints fly by your mind and a hurling speed, and my feelings are too direct. what am i supposed to do other than lay in bed at night crying because saying “I love you” scares me. I love you with all my heart and I mean every word of it even if I say it all day. I’m scared because I’m afraid one day when I wait for a response I’ll be disappointed with the results. or maybe no response at all. I know you don’t believe in my anxiety, and I don’t know how else to convince you. what’s the point? what’s the point of spilling my heart out for you if you don’t understand the feelings I have. the sadness I have. the worries I have. you have my whole heart. my whole soul. my whole mind and body. what do I have that’s yours? what’s all mine that I don’t share with anyone else? my voice cracks with disappointment and sadness. and even though I know how it’s gonna end.. Im still disappointed. I guess I was hoping you’d prove me wrong. when I break down, it’s not from one small thing that day. it’s every day I bite my tongue, that builds up to the blow up. you think I tell you all my feelings, everything that bothers me. that I can’t hold back. I keep most things to myself because I know you won’t understand, or be able to handle them. nothing changes, we discuss issues and fix them. but they never stick do they? being in your embrace makes me forgot every night I’ve cried. every night I’ve been so exhausted from the release of my tears that I sleep instead of overthinking. do you hear the beat of my heart speed up when I ask you a question? the fear of hearing the answer but still wanting to know the truth.