Conflicts and arguments are harder because you're more likely to rapid switch and experience amnesia when you're emotionally distressed, so I often end up feeling like I'm contradicting myself, back-tracking, and don't remember enough of what transpired to be able to truly engage and communicate well. This can make me seem like a liar who is trying to manipulate others and dismiss accountability for their actions. The reality is that different alters have different opinions, feelings, and input, and one alter cannot explain another alter's thought process, so sometimes I say something and then seem to back-track and contradict myself, because I can't explain a thought process I previously had, no matter what, because it was an entirely different alter with that thought process who is no longer fronting.

I don't know if I have ARFID, but I've suspected it for a while, and I've suspected that part of my problems with eating and food could also be different alters having different food preferences. I've had a lot of experiences where I felt like I thought I liked a food, only to try it and it tastes completely different from how I remember it and food not tasting good to me anymore, even though I previously liked it. I'm not talking about the normal human "taste buds change" over the course of years - I'm talking about "I know I liked this weeks ago, but I hate it now", "I seem to sometimes like rice and soy sauce and it's delicious, but other times it seems to taste disgusting and nothing at all like I remember."

How different DID feels when you have little to no awareness vs much more awareness. Why does no-one talk about this? Before I've gained some more of the awareness I have now, I was totally unaware of switches and alters, and many people treated me like I wasn't describing DID symptoms or like I was describing OSDD instead of DID, all for reasons like me telling people "I don't switch" when the reality was actually that I was simply not aware of switches and discounted any time I thought a switch may have happened and I didn't know how to figure out if I had switched, so I BELIEVED that I didn't switch, and I BELIEVED other things too such as "my memory is fine" and would tell people these things - other systems - and they'd tell me that I wasn't describing DID symptoms or that I was describing OSDD instead. The reality was that I just had extreme denial and little to no awareness because my dissociation was so extreme. And I just have to say that DID feels completely different when you have actual more awareness of who your alters are, when you switch, of passive influence, internal communication, and more, and I never see anyone talk about it.

DID is not rare, but the entire world makes you FEEL like it is.

Dysphoria/dysmorphia (I'm unsure which word would be more accurate to use here) because your visual appearance doesn't match how you want to be/wish you were perceived. I've seen people talk about some weird experience of ""seeing yourself in the mirror and seeing someone who doesn't look like you"", and I assume that's the experience I'm talking about, but at least for me, it just feels more like this bone-deep discomfort with my appearance because I don't look the way I wish I did. And it can be like "I'm uncomfortable because we are wearing clothes that the current fronting alter doesn't feel comfortable in" to varying degrees of gender dysphoria experienced by different alters to "I look completely different from how I wish I could look, and that brings me great discomfort."

Amnesia is the lack of memory. It’s completely omitted from your mind. It’s akin to trying to remember before you were born. It’s simply impossible! You had no awareness before you’re born, and that lack of awareness is the same for amnesia.

Those who have not experienced it can only piece together what it is like through the accounts of those who have it, which leads to this popular idea of it being a hard transition from point a to point b. The truth is, it’s much more complex. It more looks like your mind blocking off the bad parts of a moment and keeping the parts it’s okay with to fill in the gap of time. That’s why things seem to happen so fast for those of us with it! Because we are experiencing that time— just way faster because we forget half of the moment we experienced.

I’m scared if I believe our abuse memories then that would mean that I’m choosing to believe a delusion and a lie.

• amnesia

• confusion

• headaches

• nausea

• repeated childhood trauma

• anxiety

• spikes in fear. Anger. Or shame

• mood swings from parts

• body dysphoria

• depersonalization

• derealization

• self puzzlement

• loss of control

• flashbacks

• dizziness

And more.

- switches that feel like you’re turning into someone else rather than them taking control (non-possessive switching)

- being unable to recognize amnesia until something requires you to remember something you forgot

- staying in the front for weeks at a time

- being unable to communicate with alters internally (this is so common why does everyone act like this is weird?)

- feeling like you don’t have any problems because you feel disconnected from them

- constant denial

- rapid identity, label, and appearance changes

- comorbidities, particularly personality disorders, anxiety disorders, and the schizophrenia spectrum

- autism (there is science pointing towards autistic people being more susceptible to trauma)

- disliking your system

does.... does this happen to anyone else....?

I understand it can be hard to realize your friend isn't exactly how you thought they were, but they're still you're friend. It's likely you've met their other alters, they just didn't say who they were.