D E A D

1. sometimes when I go to the grocery store I see too many stories masquerading as people and I get lost in the hurt I see in random stranger’s eyes.

2. I will never be good at Geometry. And I wish I was good at Geometry because maybe then I could believe in proofs and not have to second guess everything. Instead, I’m good at incorporating Icarus’ fall into everyday conversation. I’m good at seeing things that aren’t there and knowing people’s intentions before they speak.

3. I have so much inside of me I regularly convince myself I am ill. I often doubt my own mind because it got me to where I am, shaking on my floor and wishing I could make this sadness stop.

4. I think love is the most important thing anyone can experience, and I think only a few of us actually do. I think we allow ourselves to believe if they make us happy then it’s love. If they hurt us, then it’s love. If we would do anything for them, then it’s love. We spend so much time manufacturing love that we miss it when it sits beside us on a subway. or offers to pay for our coffee in line. or crawls into bed with us and holds us until we stop believing the voice in our heads telling us our perception of ourselves is flawed and we don’t even deserve the love being offered.

5. The realization that I will never be here, in this exact place in time, ever again. The universe is so vast and I am so small and nothing matters and everything matters and we will all be dead in a matter of minutes. Everyone is guessing and no one knows shit and it’s all over before it begins, but somewhere in the time now and the end we have the opportunity to do something. Anything. And so many people throw that away.

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