Walking Disaster

Ripley's just fuck off and get out of here

Ripley's I'm tired of explaining this shit to you

Ripley's you know what? Whatever.

applying for jobs seems to mostly consist of lying and submitting to indignities, which is whatever. but it is very difficult for me to override my innate instinct that anyone demanding i write a cover letter has insulted me so greatly that the only way to retain my honor is violence

you actually don't have to go on dating apps to find girlfriends. many beautiful women are waiting for you on rocks out at sea

ⓘ This user is a malicious entity made of seafoam.

imagine you're some guy and you're going through the woods one day and you stumble upon a house and the people who live there just give you free food and eventually let you inside and it's like nothing you've ever seen before and the people are so nice and loving towards you and then one day they decide to never let you leave again, steal your balls, and give you a stupid fucking hair cut

Valentine’s Day is barely for couples it is most importantly for elementary schoolers to exchange candy and for thematic fanart and fandom events.

The Ides of March, coming soon to a coliseum near you. Knives not included.

and what if I told you nine was less afraid of love than ten. what then.

for a moment i lived in a beautiful world where doctor who didn’t exist and this was simply a seven-ate-nine joke too layered for me to understand

first day in the time loop i suspect nothing

second day in the time loop i still suspect nothing

third day in the time loop i realize that it has been tuck him in tuesday for 72 hours

fourth day in the time loop i realize that spending money has no long term consequence. i go to waffle house 15 times

fifth day in the time loop i am now sick of waffle house. i look up how much horses cost

sixth day in the time loop i buy a horse. i dont know how to ride it

seventh day in the time loop i buy the same horse again and watch youtube tutorials on horse riding

eighth day in the time loop i buy the same horse again and i am getting better at riding it

ninth day in the time loop. i once again buy the same horse. i can ride it successfully. it seems to know me

tenth day in the time loop i buy the same horse and ride it to waffle house. i feed it hashbrowns and sweet tea

STOP. moment of gratitude for those precious times of breathing from your nostrils when you don't have a stuffy nose

Everyone who doesn't have a headache right now, stop right now for a moment and appreciate how good it is not to have a headache.