whaddup

drake: sufy! honey, is everything all right? you look like you’ve been crying :(

sufjan: Oh Aubrey… It Is Nothing… Give Me A Moment And I Will Be Just Fine… Besides Is There Not Some Sort Of Rule That Says You Are Not Allowed To Gaze Upon Me On Our Wedding Day Until The Ceremony Proper

drake: i mean, i know, but i just had to come check on you, baby! annie said you were really upset about something! what happened?

sufjan: I Broke My Banjo

drake: what??? oh no!!!

sufjan: I Intended To Deliver My Vows Via A Serenade Accompanied By Banjo And I Worked So Hard On The Composition And Practiced So Much To Get The Intonation Just Right And Then I Went And Slipped On The Steps Of The Synagogue And Dropped My Banjo In The Process And It Fell Down All The Stairs And Even Though The Instrument Was In A Sturdy Case The Neck Snapped In Twain And Now I Have No Musical Accompaniment For My Vows

drake: honey! i’m so sorry! :(

sufjan: I Already Ruined Every Thing And Now I Am Only Compounding The Problem By Having A Total Emotional Break Down In A Hebrew School Class Room On The Morning Of My Wedding I Am A Clumsy Dullard I Am A Fool I-

drake: sufy, honey. stop. stop crying. you didn’t ruin anything. it’s okay.

sufjan: Sniffle

drake: i know the banjo meant a lot to you but - hey, listen. i don’t care if you sing your vows with a banjo. i don’t care if you sing them acapella. hell, i don’t care if you have the berlin philharmonic orchestra backing you up. i care th-

sufjan: Wait That Is A Good Idea Actually Can We Call The Berlin Philharmonic Do You Think They Would Be Able To Fly Here By This After Noon

drake: i think it’s like an eleven-hour flight from berlin to toronto :(

sufjan: Oh Rats… I Just Can’t Get Any Thing Right Today

drake: honey, no, don’t say that. don’t be so hard on yourself. look, remember when we first met? you know, that day on the playground?

sufjan: Yeah

drake: and those bullies, they asked me to take your lunch money so i could get in with their crowd. you were sitting there on the swingset, and i walked up, and the first words i ever said to you were, “hey kid, give me your lunch money!”

sufjan: How Romantic Of You

drake: right? but you… you saw right through me. you saw that i was just an insecure new kid with no friends. and you were nice to me even though you had no reason to be. you kicked your imaginary friend off the second swing for me. you saw the best in me even when i couldn’t see anything good about myself. you always have. 

sufjan: Aubrey I’m Emotional

drake: sufjan, you’re the most forgiving person i know, and you need to forgive yourself for this. accidents happen, even to the best of us. and you… you are definitely the best of us.

sufjan: Stop You Are Going To Make Me Cry Again

drake: okay, okay. no more tears. we’re gonna go get married, okay?

sufjan: Okay

drake: and it’s gonna be amazing, banjo or no ban- wait! hold on! what am i… there’s a long & mcquade, like, five minutes from here! in the time we’ve been talking i could’ve driven over there and bought you a new banjo and driven back. oh my god, i’m so stupid, i- i’m going over there right now! right now.

sufjan: But Aubrey You Do Not Know The First Thing About Banjos

drake: wait. yeah. yeah, you’re right. okay, uh, why don’t you and annie head over there? here’s $5,000. go get yourself something nice.

sufjan: Five Thousand Dollars Aubrey Are You Sure… That Is A Lot Of Money

drake: baby… you deserve it

sufjan: I Love You So Much Aubrey 

drake: i love you too sufjan

Aliens are probably involved.

America’s pungent corpse flowers are all mysteriously blooming at once

Botanists across the US are trying to figure out why so many titan arums – better known as corpse flowers – are blooming simultaneously around the country this year.