Strolling Along

Filippo Palizzi (Italian painter 1818–1899)

Excavations in Pompeii, 1870

Oil on Canvas

119.5 × 86 cm.

But it was buried by generations! Yes, it was buried in a volcanic eruption, but it was also figuratively buried. Over the centuries the location of Pompeii was lost, and it was found again by accident during construction projects. The ruins were not conclusively identified as the city of Pompeii until the 18th century (more than a millennia and a half after the eruption!) and it has been excavated ever since. People have been digging there since before the formation of the United States.

When people discuss the importance of using things, such as special plates, candles, special clothes- they will say that it's best to use them all the time, and that this makes each day special or something like that.

Which is only part of the picture if you ask me.

It's good not to hoard things forever, but if you use everything all the time, it also leaves certain special times as kind of indistinct from anything else. Like having a Christmas tree up all year kind of takes something away from it.

So here's my rephrasing: special things should have a concrete time of use, not an abstract one.

If you have an outfit you love but have it dedicated to only wear once a year on a specific day? Totally fine! You are using it, and it is contributing something to your life.

If you have plates that you'll only use 'for a special occasion' but haven't touched them in years? Evidently you don't know how to recognize a special occasion and should try and think of more specific qualifiers.

Entwining fish. Kunst en samenleving. 1903. Chapter header.

Splendid Fairywren (Malurus splendens), family Maluridae, order Passeriformes, Australia

Nasturtiums -  Stanisław Wyspiański , 1903.

Polish , 1869-1907

You don't need to diminish yourself in order to make others feel good about themselves.

You can compliment someone else without insulting yourself. In fact, demeaning yourself will probably make it more difficult for the other person to accept the compliment.

You also don't need to disparage your own abilities in order to give someone else confidence. You can be a capable person and support other capable people.

Compliment: You write such great angst! I was in tears after that last chapter. Compliment + self-insult: I could never write angst like you. Mine never has that gut-punch that yours does.

Compliment: You look gorgeous! That's such a pretty colour on you. Compliment + self-insult: I wish I had your fashion sense. I just wear whatever smells clean.

Compliment: This piece is awe-inspiringly good! How long did it take you?? Compliment + self-insult: Your art is so much better than mine. I could practice for a million years and never get close to this.

The thing about insulting yourself while complimenting someone else is that you might think that you're making your compliment sound that much better because you're increasing the distance between their level and yours. But what you're actually doing is refocusing your compliment away from them and onto you and your insecurities.

Maybe they'll notice and maybe they won't, but you will. Eventually, all of the insults you've given yourself will make you feel bad about that other person's skills and now, instead of a mentor or a colleague you have someone you're jealous of. Or at least, that's how it tends to go for me.

Common ragwort

Ma-ia ho

Ma-ia ha

Alo?

sunt eu

THE TIME WARP