Nebulous City

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

Human: “Honestly we can tolerate anywhere from -40 to 50 Celcius, but we prefer the 0 to 30 range.”

Alien: “……. I’m sorry, did you just list temperatures below freezing?”

Human: “Yeah, but most of us prefer to throw on scarves or jackets at those temperatures it can be a bit nippy.” 

Other human: “Nah mate, I knew this guy in college who refused to wear anything past his knees and elbows until it was -20 at least.”

Human: “Heh. Yeah everybody knows someone like that.”

Alien: “……. And did you also say 50 Celcius? As in, half way to boiling?”

Human: “Eugh. Yes. It sucks, we sweat everywhere, and god help you if you touch a seatbelt buckle, but yes.” 

“Yup, with blizzards you cant see through every other day just about.”

“Amazing! when did you manage to send drones that could survive such temperatures?”

“… well, actually…”

“… what?”

“…we kinda……. sent……….. people…..”

“…”

“…”

“…what?”

“we sent-”

“no yeah I heard you I just- what? You sent… HUMANS… to a place one hundred degrees below freezing?”

“y-yeah”

“and they didn’t… die?”

“Well the first few did”

“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE?”

aka The History of Russia

aka Arctic Exploration

‘Yep.  Pompeii is legendary.  Entire cities went. Towns buried under lava, peoples’ brains boiled in the first rush of heat, loads more killed by falling pumice.’

‘ah, good, they learned their lesson and didn’t build there again.’

‘…well…’

‘Are you seriously telling me this volcano is legendary for killing several urban conurbations and you built on top of it AGAIN?’

‘In our defence it hasn’t actually done it since.’ 

‘What about earthquake-prone areas? Tell me you’re at least vaguely sensible about those.’

“Yeah, pretty much. It can pick up livestock, dismantle structures- it’s bad news.”  “That seems frustrating, to have such wide swathes of otherwise habitable land rendered unlivable.”

“What’re you talking about, unlivable? Nothing a storm cellar can’t fix.”

“A… storm cellar. A room dug slightly below ground level.”

“With a door, yep.”

“Your atmosphere can without warning violently pick you up and fling you- and your buildings- and your response was to dig holes?”

“…we put up sirens, too.”

humans to get into their

holes. Very prudent.”

This is Real Madrid's stadium (80k seats):

This is FC Barcelona's (100k seats):

This is Paris Saint Germain's stadium (50k):

This is Wembley (90k):

This is Boca Junior's (57k)

This is Japan National Stadium:

I go through the drive through at the taco bell. This is the same taco bell that, three years prior, asked us how many sauces we wanted. My roommate responded with "we'd like to get lost in the sauce."

To which he said "lost in the sauce. Ok boss!"

And gave us an entire brown bag full of sauce packets that we are still working through to this day.

So our conclusion is that this store is operated by stoners, which is on par for a taco bell.

But anyhow, 2021, all I want is a burrito.

Pull up in the drive thru, order burrito. Compliment the cashier's nails, take the bag without checking, drive off.

I get home. I carry the bag all the way to the kitchen and set it down. The sound it makes is not the sound of a beefy five layer burrito. It rattles.

I realize now that something is wrong.

I look inside.

I find this:

Which I realize now in 2022 after hanging out with potheads that this is considerably more than 100$ of THC products but that's unimportant. I sit there for a few moments and just kind of stare at them asking myself

WHY does this KEEP HAPPENING to me?

Girlfriend comes in and sees this.

"Did someone pay you in smokeables again?"

"No, this is the new beefy 5 layer burrito from taco bell. Obviously."

I could keep them, but what would I DO with them? I didnt know any smokers at the time that I could sell them to. You cant really... pawn THC products in my state because it's a consumable and uhhhh... possession of such products is probably illegal? Fucking I dont know, if there's a law about it everyone seems to be ignoring it.

And I cannot stress this enough: I dont smoke! And yet people keep handing me these things for some reason.

But more importantly: it is now 6:00, I am starving, and I did not get my burrito. So i make a decision and i grab the bag of vape carts and I go back to get the food I ordered.

I go inside and stand at the counter. I quietly tell the cashier that I ordered a beefy five layer burrito, and I got this instead. I lift the bag. I gently drop the bag. It makes the very non beefy burrito rattle sound.

The cashier knows by sound what is in the bag. Her eyes go wide.

"I'm not mad," I tell her. "I dont want anyone in trouble. I'm just very hungry and would like the food I ordered."

She very quietly takes the bag beneath the counter and produces six coupons for a free taco. "We'll get your order to you in a moment, thank you for your patience."

I am... containing my urge to burst out in laughter because this urban legend stuff. This is 'tumblr will call this fake' material. This is 'that happened to my friends cousin' kind of story material and I'm just... waiting for my burrito.

The manager on duty approaches me and says:

"I understand you received something uhh.. other than your order." She thinks I'm gonna tell corporate. This shit is too funny for corporate. I am not telling corporate.

"I dont want anyone in trouble," I repeated. "I'd just like to make sure it gets back to its owner and make sure I get the burrito I ordered."

"Right. Right. Right away."

She gives me six more free taco coupons.

It is deathly quiet back there and I am trying so hard not to laugh at the absurdity of all of this. Like... how did I get here? What happened back there to lead me to this awkward situation? What farcical theater piece am I now a minor character in? Will I exit left persued by a bear?

The cashier returns with a bag. "Once again, I'm REALLY sorry."

I take the bag. I check it this time.

This is indeed a burrito.

"No need, all is well."

But this is completely different! And do you want to know why? Because, previous changes were consumer led. They came AFTER the technology had run its course, had viable alternatives, and didn’t force a majority of customers to adapt for profit. Also, Apple is lying. This isn’t innovation, it’s a purposeful manipulation of the market that makes physical ownership of content more difficult.

The Floppy Disk wasn’t just abandoned. It was replaced by CD-ROM in the 90s as a more portable & less expensive alternative. And even then, CDs had existed for more than a decade before computer manufacturers made the permanent switch in 2003. And despite the switch, the production of the floppy disks themselves continued until 2011. By the time floppy disks truly faded from production, most ppl didn’t even own one. And when CD-ROM became “obsolete,” they weren’t ripped from the market and even today it’s fairly easy to find readers that are cheap and/or included with desktops or laptops.

But here’s the thing? CD’s aren’t obsolete. Neither are DVDs, USB, and Ethernet and SDs. Not really. What is there to replace them? You could say cloud, streaming, etc. But those aren’t actually replacements, they are just different forms of consuming materials. And a majority of consumers will be inconvenienced without those things. Like how would you even connect a wired mechanical keyboard? That’s not adaptation, it’s inconveniencing consumers until they get used to it.

But it’s more than inconvenience. What all of these exclusions do is get rid of physical data. It slowly ostracizes consumers from the very concept of physical data and that is incredibly dangerous. All softwares, ad-ons, recordings, and medias being relegated to downloadable accessibility makes these things harder to pirate or share. It also encourages monopolies as it makes smaller, independent production and sharing much more difficult. It also makes the distribution of softwares tied to research & employment more easily controlled by corporations rather than people. And most of all, it takes away consumer control of the things that they use.

Like even PlayStation did this with the PS5? Do you really think not having a physical drive is an innovation? With physical games you can reuse, share, and save. I can play Spider-Man, give to my cousin, and then let any friend borrow it. And unless I bought the physical game online, neither google or Amazon can add that to their algorithmic perception of me. But without that…you have content strictly defined on individual basis and algorithms.

It’s just that all of the growing exclusions aren’t adapting. They are willful manipulations for the sake of changing how large scale consumers ingage with technology and the internet.