dream ☆

Daydreamer anatomy☁️

(anyone who doesn’t know, this book deals heavily with depression and suicidal ideation, some of the passages I’ve picked reflect that, so be warned. There is on-page suicide attempts that I will be mentioning from the book along with spoilers. Also, I will be bringing my own shit into this to explain why it got me if that makes you feel weird to read):

“Perhaps this was supposed to be what beauty was looked like, Amelia thought. To care so deeply about something, it brought life in you.”—Briar, context is a little wild lol (30)

“This is what’s what it was like to be a man, and wasn’t that what made a person stronger than all?”—Briar (51)

“ “Stop trying to kill yourself,” Malicine snapped. “You’re going to ruin my floors.” “ (91). Malicine your kindness is showing

“Humiliation had made her heart hammer against her rib cage, as if the organ itself couldn’t handle being in her own wretched body.”—Corin (120).

“I’ve experienced little of life, and I don’t care enough to see the rest of it.”—Briar (129). I swear every other line of hers is about her suicidal ideation. It makes me more sad that no one in her life saw this.

“Yes, because this was how fairy tales were supposed to end. Yes, because romance was how people found meaning in their lives. Yes, because maybe, if she did what everyone else did—marriage, and children and family—she would finally fill the emptiness inside her, as well.”—Briar, (148). Living in a world obsessed with romance and having families is so stressful. It’s also a little depressing so see people who wanted and got those things, yet are still unhappy.

“It lunged toward her, and she would let it kill her, if it was what she deserved for letting so many die.”—Corin living Amelia’s past (172). Gotta love characters who feel so guilty they punish themselves. Personally can’t relate, but I have witnessed just how destructive guilt is when someone is not taught how to deal with it and know when they actually are guilty

“Elly believed in fairy tales, but even she couldn’t believe in something as impossible as Corin being good.”—Corin (189). The fact that dream Elly both gives Corin the sister relationship she wants, but also keeps punishing her was so sad. They fight and make up quickly because Corin wishes it was that simple. Also I though the whole “she isn’t dead, oh wait, she is” was handled pretty well. I felt like the child body Corin saw left enough doubt to believe maybe it wasn’t Elly. More thoughts on the ending later.

“Her skin itched with shame. She wanted to rip it off until she could no longer live inside her own wretched body.”—Corin (191). Corin probably didn’t notice just how bad Briar’s mental health was because she believes in living through the punishment, death is too easy.

“ “I know how terrible the world is, Corin. I grew up in it too. But I have to believe in something. Because if I don’t, what are we even living for?” “—Elly (196) . Definitely a thought Corin also has. You don’t fight to survive when you believe nothing good has or will ever happen to you.

“She refused to shake in anger, even though she wanted to thrash the trees around them, yell ar the chirp in briefs to quiet down, tear the peaceful scenery apart so they would stop pretending any of this was real. She wanted to destroy something beautiful, and the most beautiful thing was the girl in front of her.”—Corin (258). Even in her anger and projecting she can’t help the gay thoughts

“ “You have that little regard for your life?” “—Corin page 260 “ “Why not? Death means no uncertainty. No pain. No sadness. Why, it’s almost like being in a dream.” “—Briar (261). First quote I remember from Cindy’s writing blogs. Also man, Briar needs medication.

“ “But there would be no difference in the world if I was in it. In fact, the world would be better off without me.”—Briar (262). Love when two gay women connect through their shared suicidal ideation and hopelessness.

“Perhaps for another girl, these parties would be enough to fill the emptiness. But nothing would be enough for Amelia. She’d always keep wishing for another world, another life, another way to fill the void.”—Briar Rose/Amelia (289). A big struggle many of us have is the idea that life is working a meaningless job and coming home to nothing. This is a very big thing I struggle with when it comes to job hunting because I don’t want to sludge through most of my life.

“She locked her grip onto the spindle with both hands and thrust the sharp end into herself.”—Briar (374). I will never see Sleeping Beauty the same way again. Also this entire book has Malicine working as a Crisis Counselor, they seriously might be more traumatized from Briar and Corin.

“ “I hope someday,” she said, “you’ll love yourself as much as you loved me.”—Fake Elly (334). Already starting to tear up again. This book really hits when you’ve lost the second most important being in your life. Also, the entire thing with Elly when I really thought about it got me. One of the things that got me through the first while after my little dog died was the dreams I had because I got to see her again in a way. Waking up kind of sucked, but it was nice getting to ‘feel’ her again. The first most important being to me is my little baby, an Aussie doodle, and imagining him saying that to me got me again.

“Elly never opened her eyes again. But she looked peaceful, like she had been tired for a very long time, and could finally sleep.”—Corin describing Elly as dream-her dies (335). Again. Really reminds me of my dog. She was 18 when she has to be put down and even though it’s still hard two years later, I know she was ready to go. Corin also really grew on me because of how she uses this imaginary world to escape her grief.

“ “You’ll find other things to wake up for,” she promised. “ —Corin to Briar. Love how one of the biggest scenes for Corin is her finally believing in a better life and things getting better. A similar quote from Joel Miller in The Last of Us: “No matter what, you keep finding something to fight for.” People May complain it’s cliche, but sayings like this are said so often because they’re true. Man, I love books about finding hope, especially while living through our current world.

I also remember Cindy talking about a chapter of all the good things that never happened and her friend saying that was cruel. It was and Briar has so much restraint to not immediately go into another imaginary world and live in those ideas forever.

“I want to see what happens in a world where you don’t give up.”—Corin to Briar (chapter 43). Love, love, love messages about how things change when we try. A lot of times bad things happen and don’t change because everyone stops trying. It doesn’t change because you don’t believe it will, so you never try. This quote is why I do like that things are better for everyone in the real world. However, Elly’s death doesn’t hit quiet as hard because she is still alive. Things can be good for Corin even after facing all those losses, so it is a little disappointing everyone is brought back. I still don’t hate the ending though, as Briar mentions, this is a fairytale. Fairytales get to have the good ending. Also, I get enough angst and depression from No Way Home (the movie and fanfics), I can sleep knowing it’s mostly worked out for them.