âKnowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.â
â Carl Jung
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@myworldofwritingeverythingrandom
âKnowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.â
â Carl Jung

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I wish I'da hugged you tighter the last time that I saw you. I wish l didn't waste precious time the night when I called you.
-Nicki Minaj
Be You
crack a smile
don't crack
break the tension
do
not
break
the
chain
remains always
remains of the day
unwanted leftovers
unexpected leftovers
who needs a makeover
when you
doing you how
you do
without others
other's rules and views
no more rules no
more suffering fools
be you
do what your gonna do
ÂŠď¸ @followcb â November 3, 2023
âYou have to fight your demons on your own.â

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The cost of not following your heart is spending the rest of your life wishing you had.
Unknown (via thoughtkick)
3 Part.1
I sat at my desk, staring at my phone, waiting for a reply. I had a feeling I was never going to get one. I could think of a few reasons as to why. 1.) I hurt her feelings. 2.) Sheâs pissed. 3.) Weâre done with this âTriangle.â 4.) Itâs early as fuck, so she might have fallen asleep. 5.) Iâm right, and she doesn't want to admit it. Truthfully, I will not understand why I continue to wait around. I really should listen to what everyone else was telling me. That âSlap you back to reality threatâ sounds like something I desperately need. However, a slap will not change how I feel or have felt for the past three years. âAziel, go to sleep,â Mateo said, getting irritated. âThe light is bothering me.â âWell, no one told you to sleep in here. You invited yourself in. This is my room, remember?â I replied, irritated as well. âGo sleep in the living room if you are having difficulty sleeping.â âCouch is uncomfortable.â He mumbles. Then he pulls the blanket over his head and turns to face the wall. âWell, go sleep outside. Iâll go to sleep when I am ready.â I said. âUgh.â Was his response. When looking at the time again, about thirty minutes have passed. My brother was right, though; I should go to sleep. I turned off the lamp on my desk and decided to turn off my phone. Even if she did text back, I didnât want to see what she had to say. I lay down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. My thoughts were clouded with her and the other guy. I have given my all to her, and it seems not to be enough. It has gotten to the point where I feel stuck. I think. I remember when I first met Ariabella. We were in middle school, and we had a class together. I knew her before that in elementary school. However, I never spoke with her. We only started talking because we ended up in detention together. After a while, we ended up being friends and hanging out from time to time. I ended up falling in love with her. I told her when we had a dance at the school, and she told me she had feelings for me as well. That was the day we ended up together and a day I will never forget. Everything was fine until that asshole came into the picture. Rome was a guy she met in P.E. class just last year. During the first couple of months of their friendship, he would flirt with her constantly, but she would tell him to stop at first. Later she just let it happen and didnât seem to care. He would even flirt with her in front of me. First, she didnât let it slide; eventually, she did. She would reassure me, though, that it didnât mean anything and that he was joking. I thought otherwise and expressed how it made me feel. A little later, I started to suspect she had feelings for him. My suspicions were correct, though, because I learned from a mutual friend that she was confused about her feelings. She told her friend, and I quote. âI love Aziel. We have been through a lot, and I donât know what I would do without him. With Rome, though, I just started to like him. Rome is so sweet and so romantic without trying to be.â In all honesty, I was pissed. For two weeks, things were tense between us, and from time to time, they still are. Rome always seemed to come around whenever I wasnât around. Our friends would tell me he would show up and pull her away to just be alone with her. One day I straight-flat out broke up with her because of Rome. I wasnât thrilled I did that because I did it without thinking. I was miserable. From what I was told, she was depressed as well. We didnât talk for two weeks, but Iâm unsure if she still spoke to Rome. We saw each other around at school but didnât acknowledge each other. Our friend group was divided into two because of us. We didnât ask them to take sides or ask for opinions. They voiced their opinions and how they felt; Ariabella and I just listened. What brought us back together was when we got paired up to do a project in art class. She wouldnât have been someone I chose, but the teacher picked the partners. She got upset when I wasnât paying attention to her while talking about what she thought we should do for the project. I was looking at another girl in the class, which made her even more upset. I knew it upset her just by the look on her face, but she didnât say anything about it. She kept quiet the rest of the time and said nothing about the project. Instead, she was drawing in her sketchbook. I couldnât see what she was drawing because her backpack was on the table and blocking the view. Then she reached into her bag, took out her earbuds, put them in, and continued to draw. I tapped her shoulder to tell her what I thought we should do for our project, but she ignored me. I kept tapping her shoulder and tried to talk to her, but she turned up her music and moved her chair away from me. The bell for the next class had rung, and everyone was getting up, and so did she. She stuffed everything in her bag and walked out. I followed right behind her because I still needed to talk to her about the project. She stopped, turned around, and took out her earbuds. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by Rome. âHey, Ariabella. I wanted to give this to you.â Rome said. He handed her a red and green piece of paper folded into a rose with a fake butterfly glued onto what would be a petal on the rose. âMy way of saying sorry about what happened yesterday.â He said. âOh, thank you, Rome. Itâs okay, and there is no need to worry about it. You didnât do anything wrong.â She said, then gave a small smile. She was twirling around the paper rose, then looked at it and back at him. âItâs a beautiful rose. Thank you.â âWell, I got to run to practice, so Iâll see you at the party?â He asked. âOf course, I wouldnât miss it.â She replied. Rome looked at me, then back at her, and then took off running in the opposite direction we were heading. âLook, I will ask the teacher if I can do the project independently. I honestly would prefer to work alone or with someone else. I suggest you probably do the same. If we both express it, she might agree to let us change partners or work alone.â She says. Part of me didnât want to change partners or work alone. The other part of me thought it would be best to work alone or with someone else. I listened to the part of me that wanted to work with her. âI would rather work with you,â I said awkwardly. âWeird.â She responded and laughed slightly. âHow?â I asked, kind of hurt that she said it that way. âThought you wouldâve wanted to work with the chick you were staring at in class, but I will still tell the teacher I want to work with someone else or work alone.â She said with a hint of jealousy in her voice. âYou sound so jealous,â I said to her without thinking. After that came out of my mouth, I couldnât take it back. I regretted it after that. âJust leave me alone, Aziel. I donât want to talk to you about this anymore.â She said. Then she turned to start walking away. âYou going to go find your boyfriend you cheated on me with?â I asked, once again speaking before thinking. âConfirm your date night plans?â She turned around to face me with tears streaming down her face. âWhat!â She says, sounding angry. âI never cheated on you with Rome. Itâs not even a date. Itâs a party.â âYes, you did cheat on me. It may not be physical cheating, but have you ever heard of emotional cheating?â I asked her. âLook, Iâm sorry I hurt you, But I canât help my emotions. I like him, but I love you. I never meant to hurt you. When I noticed I started to get slight feelings for him, I tried to stay away from him. I didnât want to ruin our relationship over some small crush. Itâs whatever now because you moved on and now thatâs all I want to do.â
To Be ContinuedâŚ
You changed my whole life. Don't know what you're doing. To me, with your love. I'm feeling all superhuman; you did that to me. Superhuman heart beats in me. Nothing can stop me here with you. Superhuman.
-Chris Brown & Keri Hilson
Questions
With thoughts clouded of you.
I find myself questioning the mystery.
I want to know more about you.
One glance, with you being a few steps away.
I realize there are many questions to be asked.
Favorite color?
Favorite book?
Do you want to play 20 questions?
Do you love someone? Â Â
Do you like someone?
Is it true you are single?
Did that stranger tell you what I said?
Do you know?
Do you want to know?
Should I tell you?
How would you feel about a confession note?
Are you a closed-off person?
Do you give chances?
What do you love?
Have you ever been in love?
So many questions that will never be asked.
Roses
Roses are red till they die.
In the end, the roses are dead and turn black.
Watch them wither away and crumble as well.
No sun to live in and no water to save.

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The Monster In Disguise
Letâs go back in time to tell a once-sweet story that turned into a horror story in 2019. Once there was a girl, and there was a guy. This guy was super sweet. He liked the girl. The girl didnât know his name, so she would see him and refer to him as âThat guy.â This was before she knew that he liked her or if, at that time, he knew he liked her himself. Every time she would refer to him with that name, he would refer to her as âThat girl.â In those moments, once they were over, they would laugh and go about with their day. One day the girl sat at a table alone in the breakroom during a break. The guy chose to join her since she was alone, he sat in front of her, and they began to talk, starting with an introduction of names. As the conversation between the two, they ended up exchanging numbers. After that, they continued to talk more and more. Later the guy confessed he liked her. He asked her out, but she wanted to get to know him more. She denied it but explained that she wanted to get to know him more. So, they began to get to know one another. After talking to one another and hanging out, the emotions between the two only got stronger. Finally, they got together for some odd reason; she felt like it wouldnât last, though, but in a way, she was wrong. Months turned into a year, then a year turned into two years. Within those years, a lot had changed from new jobs, new feelings, and new points of view changes for her. For him, something had stayed the same except for a new job. In a short time, her world shook like it was having an earthquake. One of the few things that changed was the constant need for space and not getting the space she needed. She needed to escape but couldnât because she loved him simultaneously. She noticed her feelings slowly shifting to other feelings she didnât understand. It was a huge break for her when they weren't together. It allowed her to step back and see and listen to what her friends had to say. Her friends hated him, and they expressed and explained their dislike for him. Now she understood because everyone had their own opinion, but she didnât listen to what they pointed out. In the moments she had alone, she started to see that the guy she loved was a monster in disguise. There was probably a better way to explain it or refer to him, but âMonsterâ seemed the better term. The guy/monster she loved became controlling, needy, angry, jealous, short-tempered, and always assuming things. Â These were some of the things that her friends had pointed out before, but it was something she never noticed until her feelings started to shift, and she took a step back. Those were only a few things that changed that she could think of, but there was so much more. The monster would get upset and start an argument any time she wouldnât answer or call every day. He would be pissed off whenever she wanted to spend time with her family or friends. Assuming she was with âothers,â which was the term they used for cheating. Talking or being with âothersâ used to be a joke, they told each other, but it changed over time. There were moments when she noticed he would get angry when he didnât get what he wanted. Soon enough, she felt it was time to end their relationship, so she did. He was upset that she dumped him, but she didnât care because she needed to escape.
it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.
anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."
just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.
i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.
when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.
but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.
i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?
most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.
now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.
and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.
go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977) dir. John Lounsbery and Wolfgang Reitherman
Autopilot
Autopilot story time.
Have yaâll ever felt the feeling like you were on autopilot? Being on autopilot emotionally, physically, and mentally. Has anyone ever ran into this kind of feeling and didnât even know it at all?
It has been about a month and this is something I barely realized⌠and I donât know why it took me so damn long.
I went to hang out with a friend I had met awhile back and this friend of mine had advised me he had some feelings for me more than a friend. Now I admit I had some feelings for him as well but to me I was still a little bit âiffyâ about it. We met awhile back so itâs been a little over a year weâve known each other. Weâve gotten to know each other a bit but not a whole lot. We talked here and there but it was not a day to day conversation by text or by call.
Anyway, hanging out with this friend we went out to one of my favorite places to eat and play games. We were sitting across from one another and ordered our food and continued to catch up since it had been awhile since we had spoken.
I was facing the game floors direction so I was distracted by the people and in search of a friend who I thought was working that day but I did not see him to say âHiâ, so I was just listening to him and what he was telling me about work stuff. As our food came out, we sat down and ate.
After eating I found my mind was elsewhere and no longer focusing on my friend sitting in front of me. I was responding to the thing he was asking me and asking him questions as well without thinking just to show I was somewhat paying attention. We left our table to place some games so that it what snapped me back into reality.
In my thoughts I was thinking how nice he was but some other stuff came to mind and at the same time I was thinking about some other stuff along with things I possibly donât like about him but I of course didnât say anything.
After eating and playing games it was time to leave. He drove me back home. We sat in his car for less than a few minutes and discussed hanging out again and once again there was this odd feeling where I just was not paying any attention. I turned to look at him and tell him bye and he was already looking at me and sort of leaned in like he was going to try to kiss me. Without thinking I dodged it and said something along the lines of ânot today.â Then said my goodbye once again and got out and went inside my house.
Once I got into my house, I still felt this weird feeling. I got into my room and sat by my desk which hold my makeup mirror and makeup stuff.  I grabbed my mirror and began to take out my contacts. As I was sitting there doing so it all finally came out at once and I couldnât help but tell myselfâŚ
âHoly shit did he just try to kiss me and I dodged that shit.â
Now looking back at it since itâs been over a month ago I didnât think of it till now. For whatever reason it doesnât even feel like a month has passed because Iâve just been living for work life unfortunately. It wasnât until recently I saw a Facebook post of his go up. He changed his status to âIn a relationshipâ. This wasnât something that bothered me at all and I was happy for him so I liked the status change and commented âcongrats. I hope this person makes you happy.â And left some smiley emojiâs. so, then I check back to see when we hung out and thatâs when I realized a month as past.
Also come to realization that we have not spoken and it was strange that we hadnât over a month. So I laughed about it a bit but thought a little bit deeper. I checked the Facebook messenger and saw me messaged me twice and I opened the message and I did not respond. Now me I suck at responding to messages sometimes. Sometimes I respond late or not at all but also there is times where I do respond in my head for whatever reason. I didnât respond which I found strange for me but I pushed that thought aside.
Looking at things now Iâm like⌠was I seriously on autopilot this whole time? Because I feel like I was. To be honest this got me mind blown haha. I find this all just so hilarious for myself.Â

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I no longer have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations.
Joquesse Eugenia (via thehopefulquotes)
Sleeping Beauty (1959) dir. Clyde Geronimi