Voit's photographed cell phone towers camouflaged as trees across multiple countries, from Britain to the US and South Africa. In pursuit of seamless connectivity, there is a strong public objection to the unsightly appearance of bare cell phone towers. As a result, many companies opt to disguise these towers as trees, church steeples, flag poles, water tanks, and various other structures. These are widely known as "stealth towers" or "stealth installations."
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To test the Clark Kent glasses idea in real life, Henry Cavill walked around Times Square in 2016 wearing a Superman T shirt, even standing right next to a Batman v Superman billboard of his own face, and almost nobody recognized him, which shows how easily crowds ignore what they are not looking for.
Summary :- Your mission takes an unexpected turn that leads you straight to Alexia. When two worlds collide, duty and desire, will your walls finally fall, or will your lies drive her away?
Words :- 15k
Warnings :-Mention of spy/secret agent, fugitives, threat to the city, blood, injury, guns
Find part 5 here
____
“Vamos, Olga! We’re going to be late.” Alexia called out for her from the bottom of the staircase.
“Un momento!” she said, rushing down, while still fixing her earrings on.
“I'm ready, let's go.” she blurted while hopping on her leg, trying to fix her heels with one hand while the other reaches for her clutch on the console table.
“Hopping all the way to the car? Now that's a fun way of travelling.” Alexia teased, her voice dropping into that playful tone.
Olga rolled her eyes, but there was no annoyance behind them. “Oh, shush you. You are the one trying to rush me.”
“We have a reservation to catch,” Alexia defended. “I'm just making sure we don't lose it because we didn't arrive on time.”
“We have an hour left and the restaurant is literally a fifteen-minute drive”
“There could be traffic.”
“And even then we would still be early.”
“What if our car breaks down and we have to walk all the way? We would surely be late then.” Alexia casually said it out loud, shrugging her shoulders as if it happens to her every other Monday.
“What-” Olga said, giving her a weird look but knew better than to argue against Alexia’s obsession with being punctual. (which is arriving 45 minutes before time, a minute later and it's considered late in her books)
“You know what, never mind, you win. Let's just go.”
Alexia grinned and they made their way to the car. The captain took the wheel while Olga reclaimed her seat as the designated passenger.
Their shared playlist made it to the screen and the music flowed as they sang along, laughs escaping every time someone went off tune.
Olga kept glancing in Alexia’s direction every few minutes, her heart melting every time Alexia’s beautiful smile came into view, a feature that had once forgotten its way. Silently proud of how far she had come, how hard she had fought to find herself once again.
Their life, together, was starting to fall into a quiet, steady rhythm. And the journey was… not the easiest to say the least.
But Alexia pushed through the fog with all her might, even when it felt never-ending.
Sure there were still tough days, mornings where she would go silent because her brain was clogged with all the memories filled with you, some sweet for the tooth, some jarring for the space in between.
But those mornings were undeniably more bearable than the countless hours she spent staring at her phone screen, yearning for a call or a text or maybe even the slightest signal from a number that had gone out of reach long back.
Or the times when Alexia’s family and friends found her by your grave, weeping and trembling, begging for your forgiveness, begging the ground beneath to take her instead and give you the chance she thought she had stolen.
On her knees, blaming herself for the unfortunate.
Those silent mornings were arguably more bearable than the darkness that surrounded her for months, threatening to make an everlasting home there.
So when Alexia laughed full body laughs now, smiled the smile that lacked hesitation, kissed Olga without pulling back and letting the guilt mask all over her, she couldn't help but feel relieved at her healing version that was finally making a breakthrough.
There were going to be setbacks and Olga was not a foolish woman to not expect it. She was ready to be the shoulder on which Alexia could collapse when it ultimately did show, ready to be the presence that held her strong as she'd been doing all this while.
But Olga was smart enough to know that even with her firm presence beside Alexia, there was one, stronger, more intense, unwavering presence of Alexia’s past deep inside her mind, deep inside her.
Past that, Alexia clung on too tightly, where the major source of her strength shone through, hands that were more stable and powerful that always caught the swaying brunette even before Olga had the chance to.
What Olga didn't realise was that the past, due to a sick game of fate, was bound to blend into the future soon.
____
The restaurant was dimly lit, the quiet chatters of other tables filling the air around. Waiters passed by, taking orders and serving food with the kind smile they seemed to possess throughout.
Alexia and Olga were shown to their reserved table, the one they hadn't lost because they arrived 45 minutes early, just as Olga had predicted.
She teased Alexia about her prophecy ‘car having a dramatic breakdown’ not coming true and Alexia rolled her eyes but a smile tugged at her lips irrespective.
That's how the rest of their evening was spent, playful, lively and a break from the outside world. Enjoying each other's company while letting the tension that usually rests on their shoulders melt little by little.
An hour or two later, the dessert had been devoured, the wine had been gulped down and the attendant had been tipped generously.
“Can’t wait to get home and throw myself on our very comfy bed” Olga said while gathering her coat and slinging it down her arm “And watch that very boring movie we started two nights ago and never completed.”
“Hey!” Alexia protested, liking the movie or the bits they actually watched “I thought you said it was nice.”
“No, I said the company I had to watch that movie was nice.” Olga corrected, coming to stand beside Alexia and pecking her lips.
Alexia grinned against her kiss “Well, that is actually way better than liking the movie itself.”
Alexia leaned down to give a quick kiss to Olga before pulling away and resting her hand lightly on the small of Olga’s back, turning them both so they could head towards the exit.
As they walked down the path, making their way through the tables, Aleixa’s peripheral vision caught sight of a familiar silhouette leaning against the receptionist's desk.
Although their backs were facing the captain, their sharp features were enough for her to figure out who exactly they were.
Jerry.
Black blazer, tailored trousers, shiny black boots. Classic, signature Jerry look. He was on his phone, lazily scrolling through, gently taping his foot against the floor as if waiting for someone.
“Is that…Jerry?” Alexia murmured, her pace slowing.
Olga matched her slow moments, looking in the direction her partner’s eyes were planted. “Looks like him. Should we go say hi?”
“Wouldn’t be a bad idea. Plus, I haven't seen him in so long.”
Seeing Jerry brought a sense of warmth from the past for Alexia. He was one of the major reasons why Alexia was still alive and functioning. Hadn't he found them that night, this would have been a completely different story.
Even with all the bittersweet memories that surrounded him, he was a friend nevertheless to Alexia, who helped her through her worst.
“Hey, Jerry!” Alexia called out as the couple made their way towards the reception.
Jerry pocketed his phone, immediately spinning around to see who had rang his name, a small smile already forming to greet the said person, only for it to drop the second Alexia came into view
“Al- Alexia?” he stuttered, eyes blowing wide “You - uh - what are you doing here?”
Alexia frowned, not expecting this kind of bizarre reaction “I was here for dinner with Olga. Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I- uh- yeah- no” he squeaked, voice rising an octave. Then cleared his throat, adjusted his blazer, trying to regain his agent persona that slipped in the moment of distress “I mean, no. I'm okay. I just didn't expect to see you here.”
“Are you sure?” Alexia could clearly make out his lie. The horrified expression, the colour draining from his face, the way his eyes were continually flickering between her and the hallway that led to the restrooms gave him away.
“Yes, definitely. Positive. Just a long day at work, you know how it gets.” he replied quickly, too quickly. “Anyway, shouldn't you be on your way? I mean it's getting late and wouldn't want you to catch traffic. We all know how much you hate it.”
“Jerry we literally just met and you're already rushing us out. Is something going on?” Alexia pushed unconvinced; even Olga was giving him worried looks now.
Alexia took a quick glance around before speaking again “Are you on a date or something?” she enquired, guessing that was why his eyes flickered dangerously back and forth every millisecond.
“What?! No! I'm not-” but before he could complete his sentence, a voice cut through, unaware of the storm it was about to brew.
“Sorry to keep you waiting Jer, the waiting line was-” you cut yourself mid-sentence, looking up from fiddling in your purse, only to take in the people Jerry had surrounded himself with.
You stopped cold in your tracks. Your eyes land on the person you thought destiny would never allow you to meet again.
In front of you, Alexia had frozen in real time. Your voice had instantly switched off everything inside her. At the familiar melody hitting her ear, her heart didn't just skip a beat, it had stopped working entirely.
She instantly knew who it belonged to. How could she not?
It was a voice that vibrated inside her mind from the time she would open her eyes, greeting the morning till the end, when the day would eventually tire her out.
It was the comfort she reached out for without a second thought when the world outside was too hard to face alone.
A constant, supporting system that reached her in the dark when nothing else could.
Yet when the voice came to life, the actual sound, and not the murmurs that only existed inside her head, it didn’t provide the relief it should have.
Instead, all it bought was a terrifying, dreadful reality that snatched Alexia’s soul right out of her body. That shattered everything she had spent over a year believing.
Because it belonged to someone who was long gone. Someone who shouldn't, couldn't be here.
——
Alexia turned around, agonizingly slowly, afraid of the sight she was about to meet, afraid of the ghost she was about to greet.
Jerry had cursed under his breath, while Olga had already spun on her heels, her jaw falling on the floor as you came into the picture. She obviously knew who you were. But also knew for a fact that whoever or whatever you were, you definitely weren't meant to be standing there, looking so…alive.
Panic immediately flooded your body. You closed your eyes, sucking in a deep breath, figuring which karma you were being punished for now; although you could name a few.
“No…” Alexia's breath hitched as her eyes finally landed on you “no, no, no, you - here - no, this can't be happening.”
She couldn't form any coherent words. Suddenly, the restaurant felt too small, too crowded for her. The air was rapidly leaving her and no matter how hard she tried, she felt that no amount of oxygen would be enough to satisfy her lungs.
She took a staggering step back, repeating, denying continually the existence that was in front of her. This was just not possible.
No, this is just a sick game of my mind. She can't be here. She can't. Alexia kept repeating to herself.
Alexia’s rapid deterioration in health was quickly noticed by all three present.
And as if on instinct, because it still was to you, you were brought out of your haze by her breathing growing frantic by the second, your hand reaching forward, her name already on your lips; but Olga beat you to it.
“Ale, hey” Olga turned towards her, eyes immediately filled with concern “it's okay. You're okay. Just breathe with me.”
But Alexia heard none of that. Her eyes were still glued to you, terrified beyond words.
“No, no, no, no, no…..” she whispered again and again, her voice breaking as tears started pouring down.
Until the breeze around felt too suffocating to even stand in. Alexia felt like someone was physically choking her by the neck, and she would collapse if she didn't get out of there soon.
With all the energy that she had left, she spun and sprinted out of the restaurant. Not caring about the worried voice of the three who called for her or the weird looks other couples in the restaurant gave her for making such a hasty exit.
You were already in pursuit of following her when all of a sudden, Olga appeared in front of you, blocking your way.
“Don’t” Olga said firmly, raising her palm in front of her body, her eyes flashing with anger and protectiveness.
In the moment, she didn't care who she was talking to. An experienced agent, who undoubtedly was way stronger than her, whose one punch would be enough to knock the consciousness out of her.
No, all she saw was a past that had haunted her girlfriend for months. A past that had no right to be back in the present. A past that made her run out of the restaurant like her life depended on it.
And Olga would be damned if she let you anywhere near her in this state. At least not without putting up a fight.
“What are you doing?” you snapped, annoyed that Olga stood in your path “Get out of my way!”
“No!” she snapped back “You have already done enough damage. I won't let you do more. You lost her a long time ago and she's not yours to look after anymore. So back off!”
Olga spat. And her words hit you like a ton of bricks, the fight leaving your body immediately. Because she was right. Every word she said was true.
You lost her.
A long time ago. And there was no one else to blame for it but you.
You didn't deserve to be near her anymore. Didn't deserve to be the one who got to console her when she cried. No that right belonged to Olga now, her actual girlfriend, the thought of which shattered your heart in so many pieces that it would be impossible to count in this lifetime.
And as Olga saw you visibly deflate, she knew she had won the initial round. Following the footsteps, she ran out to find Alexia who needed her now more than ever, whose world was crashing by the second as they spoke.
And as you stood behind, watching them go, your chest trampled as the price you had to pay for the decision you made all these months ago finally crashed in full force.
——
That night, Alexia was nothing but a mess. Gone was the exterior armour of the captain and all that was left was a whack of tears, cries and shreds.
She had lost all touch with surrounding all together. One moment she was in the restaurant, her bubble bursting, the second she was slumped on the cold, hard tiles of her house.
No awareness of when or how she had gotten there.
Uncontrollable, snotty, wrenching weeps heaped from her body she couldn't manage. She felt as though she was dying from the inside, her heart churning on itself, the pain blooming from it immense.
The woman she had literally begged every second of the day to meet once again, to embrace her in her arms long enough till the world vanished, to take in her scent just once more; all of which could have come true tonight.
So why did the sight of you, alive and in flesh, break her in ways she couldn't comprehend? Why did it feel like a harsh blow, reopening the wounds instead of a balm that could vanish the scars? Why didn't it feel like her wish was finally being granted but instead felt a twisted form of it being presented like a worst nightmare just to gather fun from tearing her apart?
Olga, being the calmer one of the two, had taken the matter into her hands to hold the fort down for both.
She had taken her spot beside Alexia, holding her firmly, being her only tether to the world. Her heart shattered to see Alexia crumbling in her arms. The woman she had come to love being torn from inside out and she couldn't do anything about it.
Seeing you there, shocked her to the core as well, her mind working a mile an hour to figure out how on earth that was even possible.
But her shock didn't even come close to the wave of devastation that flooded Alexia. While it was hard for her to comprehend what was happening, she couldn't even imagine what it was doing to Alexia. And the distraught brunette in her arms was confirmation enough that it definitely wasn't something pretty.
She whispered sweet nothings in her hair, keeping her close at all moments, trying to get her to copy her breathing and calm down before she made herself sick, which seemed like a far cry from help at the minute.
Rocking them gently back and forth, murmuring assurances again and again, trying anything and everything to get her to calm down. But everything proved to be futile.
Every word flying right past Alexia. Olga wasn't even sure if the brunette was even aware of her presence. But that didn't stop her from providing any sort of comfort she possibly could in that moment.
Eventually, after hours of sobbing, till Alexia’s body was physically drained of tears, she had cried herself to sleep in Olga's arms.
As Olga felt Alexia’s breath even out, she looked down, taking in her tears-stained cheeks, slightly quivering lips, angry red blotches covering her features, and her heart broke all over again seeing her girlfriend in so much pain. She pressed a kiss to her temple, not letting her hold loose even for a moment.
Somewhere deep in the night, Olga had succumbed to exhaustion as well and sleep had taken over. But not before she had managed to get both of them off the floor and onto their living room’s couch, where Alexia had been tucked closely and protectively into her, Olga’s arm wrapped around her as if she could protect her from the world.
The next morning arrived, much to Alexia’s dismay. Her eyelids fluttered before opening fully and the new day hit her with a pounding headache and very clear, very still intact memory of the previous night.
She didn't stir, her position stiff as a statue as she stared at the ceiling above, replaying the events of the previous night in a loop.
The only reason she wasn't in hysterics yet again as she remembered the previous night was that her body was exhausted, physically and mentally.
Every muscle in her body ached, her head felt as though it could explode at any moment and her eyes, well, it felt like a river that dried entirely by very ugly means.
After staring at the ceiling for half an hour, she decided to move. Carefully untangling herself from Olga, who was still asleep, she got up slowly and headed towards her bedroom. And did the most Alexia thing she could possibly do in that moment.
Started changing into her running clothes.
Olga stirred at the sound of cupboards' doors opening and closing. She felt the space beside her empty and sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes to drive the remaining sleep off them.
“Ale?” she called out.
No response.
“Alexia?” she tried again, voice clearer this time, as she stood from the couch and padded toward the room.
Silence.
She reached the doorway and stopped dead in her tracks. Watching Alexia dressed head to toe in her workout clothes, hair tied back messily and her face had dissolved into the hard look that didn't give away anything.
“Alexia, what are you doing?”
The brunette didn't answer; instead just kept up with her movements, moving on to grab her shoes.
Olga moved towards her when she didn't receive an answer yet again, closing the distance between them and reaching out to gently halt Alexia’s frantic actions.
“Ale, stop for a second please.”
“I can't!” Alexia's voice was hoarse, rough but her expression was stonily cold, pulling herself away from Olga and continuing to put on her socks.
“Alexia you can't go for a run-”
She cut Olga off, her tone firm “I can and I will.”
“That’s not a good idea.” Olga kept her calm and patience but her concern was palpable “Last night was a lot. Why don't we just take a moment and talk about it? Running isn't going to solve anything.”
Alexia didn't dignify her with an answer. For her, the four walls felt too suffocating and she had to step out anyhow.
Olga sighed when she wasn't met with a response.
“Ale-”
“No!” Alexia snapped, turning to face her “You don't understand Olga! You can't expect me to talk my way out of this! There's absolutely nothing you or I can say that is going to make this situation okay.”
“Then we try different ways. But going for a run isn't healthy-”
“I know what is healthy for me and what is not!” The condition she was in clearly stated she currently had no idea “and right now all I need is to get out of here and get some fresh air before my mind destroys itself from thinking about things that shouldn't exist!”
“You’re literally on the verge of collapsing, Ale” Olga pleaded “Just please, stop and breathe for a second.”
“Then I would take collapsing over fighting the losing battle in my head!”
“I don't think-”
“It’s not about what you think!” Alexia said, growing frustrated by the second “it's about what I need! And what I need right now is space and time to wrap my head around everything that's going on!”
And with that, shoving her foot into the shoe, she left the room. A desperate Olga still trying to stop her, trailing behind. Alexia ignored her deliberately, not wanting to say anything that would hurt her, knowing she was not the source of her misery and didn't deserve the harsh words that would eventually be thrown by Alexia if she kept pushing more.
Instead, she grabbed her keys and made her way towards the front door, pulling it open. Only for her eyes to land on the figure that was the cause of the whole debacle in the first place.
——
You had no idea how long you'd been standing in front of the wooden door, debating whether to make your presence known. Your hand rising and falling to your side after many failed attempts of actually ringing the bell.
You took a deep breath, getting your composure back, encouraging yourself to at least take the first step.
And as your shaky hand rose with all the determination to not back out this while, it was as if the universe had already sent the memo to the people inside of the arrival of their worst guest; the door flew open before you could even touch the buzzer.
You came face-to-face directly with Alexia and everything you'd been preparing to say the whole night, died right inside your throat.
“I - uh - I” you blinked, stuttering so bad your words were barely coherent “ I was about to ring-”
Alexia, to her own surprise, didn't seem that shocked. Yes, her initial frenzied movements halted, like Olga had been begging her to do for the past fifteen minutes, but she recovered in the very next second.
Her face was still frozen in that blank look, where no one could puzzle out what was going on behind those hazel eyes no matter how they tried, much like it had been since she had woken up.
The only explanation why your sudden appearance didn't blow her as it should have, was because somewhere deep down, she was kinda expecting it.
Actually saying expecting would be downplaying it. She knew you were bound to show up sooner or later. And unknowingly, her system had prepared for the impact.
Because if her past with you was any proof, this was a doomed cycle she had been in one too many times to remember.
You would screw up. Alexia would get mad. You showed up at her place with flowers and gifts, expecting them to take the burn away. Alexia demanded answers. You deflected and gave her your famous speech filled with nothing but lies, pointers that were so far-fetched from the truth that Alexia began to question how deeply you'd worked to craft them. Sighing, the brunette would let it go, as usual, taking your word for it to never happen again.
Internally laughing at herself for how naive she was because that had never been the case before, the word was never kept, the cycle never broken, and you, standing right in front of her now, just proved the point more than ever.
But this time, it wasn't just a simple screw-up, a simple mistake that your puppy eyes and pathetic speech could make better.
No, this was much worse than that. It was 365 days filled with nothing but self-blaming and hatred that ate Alexia from within. It was months of agonizing pain that no medicine was strong enough to make go away.
And before you could launch into your catalogue of excuses, which she was sure you'd prepared with all the deception you could muster and still have the confidence to tag it as the truth, Alexia was already shoving past you before you even completed your stuttering sentence.
“Can you give me a chance to explain?” you asked pleadingly, your voice holding nothing but desperation, when you watched her moving past you and not bat an eye in your direction or indicate she listened to a word you just said.
You didn't blame her. But you still had to keep trying.
You followed her for two steps until she broke into a jog and increased her pace as if she couldn't wait to get away from you. Plucking her headphones in and zooming out the gate.
You watched her go, deciding against all your instincts to follow her and beg on your knees for her to listen to you just this once.
Because as much as you craved to be near her, that was the last thing she wanted. Alexia needed space; she made that very clear. And after everything you'd done, the least you could do was respect her decision.
You turned towards your car, parked opposite her front gate in the middle of the street, slumping down on the road, your back supported by the car door, your head between your knees.
And waited. For her to return.
Whether it's after hours-long jog or days where she could actually be in the same space as you, you'd wait.
Because that's what she did. And now you had to do the same.
——
Alexia ran till her calves ached, till her lungs practically threatened her to stop or they would give away, till background noise no longer reached her and her desperate panting for air the only sound that reverberated.
As much as Alexia wished she could outrun all her problems, that was certainly not the case, not when she turned the corner to see her house coming into view and realising she had made her way to square one.
She had paid no attention to the tracks she'd opted to jog on, letting her legs take the led which explains why the muscle memory would have led her back here again. Because if it were up to her, she was sure she wouldn't be seeing the familiar structure for at least half the day.
Nevertheless, she didn't stop until she reached the front gate.
The sounds of rhythmic footsteps thudding on the pavements were enough to lure your head out of your knees and look up.
Scrambling up so fast, you lost your balance and almost face-planted on the concrete road; moving forward and attempting your luck to get her attention this time around.
But before you could even breathe her name, she was already in front of her compound gate, punching in the code on the keypad; before rushing in and slamming the bar shut in your face; ignoring your existence as if you were an invisible ubiquity she couldn't bear to acknowledge.
You sighed, turning to take your original position once again, the same one where you'd been situated for the past hour since Alexia had left for her run or as an escape from you.
Where the few people that had passed by in the early hours judged the stranger without even trying to keep their voices suppressed.
Where Olga had stopped moments after Alexia had disappeared, throwing angry Spanish or Catalan or perhaps English at you, but definitely not a language you could comprehend. Although you had a vague idea what she was trying to insinuate, given her body was basically pulsating with protective fury she could barely contain.
Nonetheless, not a word was grasped as the only language that you wanted to process was Alexia’s. The only clarification you wanted to give was to her.
So as your body sagged down on the cruel and very uncomfortable walkway, you waited patiently, eyes expectantly looking at the door for the owner of your apologies, who deserved a truthful explanation to appear. Hoping with everything that she'd give even a fraction of her time to hear you out, something you definitely weren't worthy of.
Every minute was a fight against yourself, to maintain control, to maintain distance, to not practically run to her doorsteps and plead and plead until she eventually gave in. But you held yourself back. You owed her that, owed her the gap to come to terms with this in her own time.
Because now, this was her game, her ball and whenever she was ready to speak, you'd be there to talk.
Once inside, Alexia didn't stop. Didn't remove her shoes or head towards the kitchen to get a glass of cold water to cool down her throat.
She simply reached for her kit bag, one that is always packed and ready to be taken to training, grabbed it by its strap, slung it over her shoulder, and once again headed for the door.
Olga had appeared the second she heard the door open and shut the next with more force than necessary.
She foolishly thought that perhaps now Alexia would take a breather, because whether she liked it or not, that's exactly what her body was demanding, and she was being cruel enough not to let herself have it.
But that thought was shut down as fast as it bloomed when she saw Alexia grab her bag and promptly try to leave again.
She reached forward fast and grabbed her by her arm, actually having to use some force to make the brunette halt or Olga would've been dragged out of the house too.
“Alexia, stop.” Olga said firmly but the concern was evident on her face “I can see what you're trying to do. But you cannot run from your problems forever. And your body isn't well-rested since last night. You haven't had anything in the last twelve hours, and you're working on nothing but fumes, which are about to give out soon. So before it does, just please come and rest. We can figure this out.”
Alexia scoffed and looked at her as if she were crazy to even suggest it. The last thing Alexia needed was rest and her mind was becoming her own enemy, sabotaging all the healed versions she had so deliberately prepared.
And not run from her problems? Maybe Olga didn't know her well enough to know she was born a track star. Maybe she couldn’t run from it forever, but nothing was stopping her from at least trying. And given the events of the last 24 hours, she was hell-bent on proving it right.
She glared Olga down, challenging to try to stop her, yanking her arm free and swiftly turning and leaving, closing the door shut with yet another bang.
Olga sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose, her own frustration and worries bubbling. As much as Olga wanted to physically restrict Alexia from going out and drag her back inside to force her to rest; she was well aware it was beyond her abilities to do so.
Alexia was an adult, a professional athlete who knew better than anyone how much to push for a body to handle. And even though in the moment Olga felt like she was far off the track, she also realised running herself into the ground was the only thing that was keeping Alexia sane at the minute, the only thing she felt like she had control over.
Snatching that away would do more harm than good. Alexia had to realise on her own when to stop.
And Olga trusted her girlfriend enough to know in the end she would make the right decision. She just had to wait it out; like someone else right across the street.
——
Three days….
Alexia had been on the escape route for three days now. She was shut off in a way that terrified Olga her on switch would never be found.
Words were barely exchanged between the two. Olga had tried her best to coax something out of Alexia, how she was feeling, if there was anything she could do to help.
But every attempt was turned down in a dismissive answer so perfected Olga couldn’t counter with a follow-up. Though futile, Olga didn’t stop trying.
Training….was something. And that's because Alexia doesn't remember a thing that happened in the last few days. Her body was on autopilot, everything happening out of pure muscle memory.
The only thing she remembers was your face coming into view every time her car would wheel out of the garage as she drove towards the ground, sadness and devastation quite literally spilling out of you; standing by your black Mercedes as if Alexia would've stopped and spoken to you.
The captain had quickly shaken that image out of her mind; she was on the run and your broken state was not her worry to ponder upon.
Her teammates had clocked the changes in Alexia's demeanour. She didn't greet them like usual; there was not a single ounce of emotion on her face and she looked so out of it that her teammates were terrified.
They tried to approach her multiple times with caution and care, asking what was wrong, what was going on and if they could help. The blank stare, that didn't even land on them but somewhere far away behind their backs, was the only response from Alexia’s end.
Mapi had texted Olga, trying to get a better understanding of the situation. Alexia, being one of her closest friends, she wanted nothing more but to be there for her and she couldn’t do that without knowing what was wrong.
Olga sighed when she received the text, knowing that if Alexia kept her silence, she probably didn't want anyone to know about it just yet and it wasn't her place to out the story.
Keeping it vague, she'd let Alexia's teammates know she was having a rough patch and to keep an eye out for her. And everyone did just that. Never crowding but always close enough for whenever their captain decided for her walls to fall.
Training for the day had ended, and Alexia was already done and packed, ready to depart before others even had time to shower and change, leaving others to wonder what speedster had possessed her.
But then again, that speedster had been living in her body for three days now, always trying to get out of places as fast as they could.
Alexia had just stepped out of the gate of the training centre and was making her way towards the car when the familiar outline of the man who was the reason the shadows were back in her life greeted her, standing right in front of the car door, blocking her path.
Jerry.
“Move” Alexia said sharply, voice low and decisive, clearly indicating she was in no mood to hear whatever defence Jerry was about to put up for his friend.
Jerry obliged, stepping out of her way so she could get through the car door. But before she could pull the handle and hide inside the cover, he spilled the motive he was there for.
“You should talk to her.” Jerry stated, not in a desperate manner like yours had been but in a tone that suggested there was more to it than what was being presented.
Alexia didn't reply, didn't turn around, but her hand stilled, and she didn't pull the door wide. Jerry took that as a sign to continue.
“Look I'm not here as her friend…. well maybe I am, but not because I think she deserves to be heard; she lost that chance a long time back, but because I think you deserve to know. What happened a year ago, the whole truth behind it. And she's ready to give that.”
“Bold of you to assume she’ll give me any truth when she's done nothing but the opposite the entire time. And don't give me any bullshit that she did that to protect me. We all know how that card played out.” she replied bitterly without turning to face him “ and I don't need to talk to her to know what happened. I’m already aware. She faked her death and let me mourn a person for months who I wasn't ready to lose.”
Jerry sighed, torn between them. As a former agent, he understood why you did what you did, but also understood where Alexia's anger stemmed from and why it was valid.
Although what you did was stupid, he knew that some things just weren't in your control and you'd been forced into it. And Jerry would try his best for his partner to get you a chance to explain that side of the story.
“That..that is the truth,” he said after a moment, careful with his words “but what's also a fact is that she didn't choose to fake her death. It was decided for her. At least till the time she regained consciousness and was healed enough.”
That got Alexia's attention. She whipped her head around to face Jerry, eyes wide and frantic as if the new information just changed the whole trajectory of everything she's known. Or believed she knew.
“What - what do you mean? What do you mean she didn't choose it? That it was decided for her?!”
“That isn't my story to tell Alexia.” he sighed, running a hand through his hair “Y/n has to be the one to tell you that. And I believe it'd be best for you as well to hear it from her.”
Before Alexia could say anything else, Jerry continued “I’m not going to force you to do anything you don't want to, neither will Y/n. But I really think you should hear her out and then decide whatever you should do or however you wish to move forward with it. But even if you don't give her the chance, that's okay too. I'm sure Y/n will understand. It's your decision, Alexia and no one is going to pressure you to do anything you don't feel like doing.”
And with that, Jerry turned on his heels and left the parking lot, leaving Alexia to gather her thoughts. True to his words, he wasn't there to push her into anything she wasn't ready for. His work there was done, and now everything would solely move forward as she wishes for it to.
And whether that would be in your favour or not, it wasn't something he could tamper with anymore.
The ride back home wasn't the mindless one Alexia had been trapped in the last few days. This one was occupied with everything Jerry said. His words echoed and bounced off the door, driving Alexia crazier, if that was even possible.
It was decided for her….
These five words brought out a different play Alexia hadn't even considered. A perspective that was making you look less guilty, something she didn't want to believe just yet.
Because if she allowed herself to, it would make everything much more complicated than it already was. And Alexia wasn't sure she could handle that.
As the car rounded the corner of her house, her gaze landed on the same defeated, tired figure, slumped against the car. The hope in those drained eyes didn't leave in the last 72 hours, expectantly waiting for that golden opportunity to come.
The only difference is that this time, Alexia didn't pry her eyes away like she usually did. This while she let it linger for just a moment longer, taking in details she didn't catch earlier.
You were still in the same clothes from the time she first saw you standing in front of her porch. Did you really not leave at all in the last three days?
That would explain why she could spot you at all times, from the moment she woke up till she hit the bed late at night. The bags under your eyes, your slightly wet hair from when it drizzled last night, the slight tremble in your hands as weakness claimed your body with each passing hour, probably from the lack of food and rest.
But what she also noticed was that not once did you go out of your way to force yourself upon her for a chat. The tension in your shoulder and your clenched fists were indications that you were physically holding yourself back from jumping in front of her and going into the confrontation she wasn't ready to have yet.
While some part of her started to worry about your well-being, she couldn't help the anger that boiled up as soon as something related to you was mentioned to her. But who could blame her? After all, you're the one who bought this upon yourself.
But that anger, too, was starting to give way to something she didn't know yet. The damn conversation with Jerry was messing with her mind, and now she truly had no idea what her next steps should be.
——
“I met Jerry,” Alexia said as soon as she stepped inside the house, leaning heavily on the door and her kit dropping to the floor “He - he just appeared at the centre and - and he said some stuff. It wasn't her decision, that it was decided for her - and that con- conscio-”
It was the first time Olga had heard more than two words from Alexia in days and it was clear that she was edging towards a bad panic attack. She interjected, trying to calm Alexia down before it escalated.
“Hey, hey” Olga said gently “I need you to calm down first, yeah? Whatever happened, we can discuss it later but right down I need you to take a deep breath. Can you do that for me?”
Alexia nodded, knowing the telltale signs of meltdown and was aware that she was close to having one. She copied Olga’s exaggerated breathing, lowering herself to the floor, with Olga next to her, her hand rubbing soothingly on her arm.
After a few minutes, when Alexia’s breathing became steady, Olga approached the topic gently again.
“So Jerry..” Olga said, her voice ever so soft, hand never stopping its comforting movements, “He said some things. That it wasn't her decision. What did he mean by that?”
“I - I don't know,” Alexia shook her head “I asked him. But he said it wasn't his story to tell. That it'd be better for me to hear it from her.”
Olga pondered that for a moment. Her eyes momentarily looked out of the window at your slouched-down figure by the car before averting her gaze to Alexia again.
“Do you-” she hesitated, it pained her to even think about it, let alone word it, but knew it had to be done “Do you think maybe it’s time you talk to her?”
Alexia snapped her head up and looked at Olga as if she'd grown two heads.
“What?!” Alexia’s voice pitched higher, in disbelief that Olga would even ask her to do that “No! Why would you say that?! If anything, you should encourage me not to talk to her at all!”
“I know, Ale” Olga cupped Alexia's cheeks “Trust me, I don't want you to talk to her either, knowing she's the reason you're in so much pain. But I also know that there's a part of you that's hurting just as much because you don't have the answers. A part that is dying to go out there and demand the truth as to why you were kept in the dark for so long. And after your conversation with Jerry today, I can see that you need those answers more than ever.
“But-”
“Don't try to fight me on this, Ale.” Olga cut her off, swiping away a tear that had fallen with her thumb off Alexia’s face “You can't deny it. I see the way your eyes automatically wander out the window whenever you pass by one. The way you always glance at her through the glass whenever we sit at the dining table, your worries about her appear even when you try so hard not to give a damn. It's because you care. Care that she'd not eaten, not slept, probably gotten sick after the drizzle last night. You care so much under the mask you've worn, and I know you don't want to, but you do. All of this is eating you from the inside, and it's only going to get worse the more you deny it and try to hide from it.”
The argument died inside Alexia’s throat because every word Olga just said was true. And god, did she hate it so much. After everything you've done, the last thing Alexia should be is concerned about you or your health, but alas, that's all she found herself doing.
God, did she hate it whenever someone called her out on her act, which she desperately wished was masked well.
“You - you really think I should talk to her?” Alexia asked tentatively, even when she knew the answer, her voice small as she was slowly giving in.
No. That’s what Olga wanted to say. She didn’t want her girlfriend anywhere near her ex, the ex who was supposed to be dead precisely, if she were to be honest. The conversation you and Alexia would have could potentially hinder her future with Alexia, and she couldn’t bear that.
“Yes, yes, I think you should, Ale.” She offered instead, her voice cracking. Because her love for Alexia exceeded her hate for you, that meant she couldn’t watch Alexia suffer in silence any longer. And the only way to end it was to get her to talk to you, even if she despised it with all her heart.
“I know you think you can run from it,” She continued, her voice breaking with every word “But you can’t. Not forever and certainly not when she’s literally right across the street. As much as I want you to turn your back on her and go out there and ask her to leave for good, I can’t. Because that’s not what you want, or else you would’ve done it yourself. Besides, we both know Y/n’s not leaving until she talks to you. So why not go out there and get it over with once and for all?”
“But what if she says something that I’m not ready to hear or accept? What if it really wasn’t her fault and she was a pawn being used by her agency? What if -”
“Hey, hey,” Olga interjected again, her grip tightening to ground Alexia “You wouldn’t know until you actually talk to her. Stop assuming things you can’t possibly understand. Go out there, hear whatever she has to offer and then we go on from there. Just remember, I’m always here, every step of the way. Whatever happens out there, whatever she says, I promise everything will eventually be okay. We’ll figure it out.”
Alexia took a deep breath, then one more and slowly stood on her feet. Wiping at her face and rolling her shoulders back, the captain's persona came in hot. Because if she were to do this, she had to put on her strong facade even if she felt the total opposite on the inside.
“Okay, I’m going to do this now.” She breathed, more to herself than anyone else, trying to prepare for whatever may come.
“You’ve got this.” Olga softly encouraged as Alexia twisted the handle and finally stepped out.
It was now or never.
____
You whipped your head up when the front door opened again and Alexia stepped out. Half-expecting her to walk right past you, not acknowledging you at all, half-hoping that she would stop and finally speak to you. But you knew better than that after three days.
That went right out the window the second you clocked that she wasn’t walking away but…..towards you?
You scrambled to your feet fast, as if she would walk away if you weren't ready for her. You dusted your hand on your jeans, trying to get yourself to look somewhat presentable, for which you were far off the mark.
Before you could think or do anything else, Alexia was already in front of you, keeping a safe distance while her eyes stared you down.
“Five minutes” was what she began with, crossing her arms over her chest “You have five minutes to explain whatever you want and then you can take your leave.”
You blinked at her. Momentarily stunned at the fact that she was finally ready to talk to you.
“The clock is ticking.”
“Uh - yeah” you gulped, internally cursing yourself for how at a loss of words you currently were after days of preparing for it “I - uhm - I don't know where to begin.”
“Let me help with that” Alexia replied, her voice monotone “Jerry said that it wasn't your decision to fake your death. Maybe start from there.”
“Jerry said that?” You asked, confused “Why? When did you guys even talk?”
“That’s none of your concern.” Alexia’s voice was stone cold.
“Uhm - I-” you were taken aback by the harsh tone. Never have you ever heard her talk to you or to anyone for that matter in such a tone. But then again, you deserved every piece of it.
When no words were heard from you in a minute, Alexia took charge “If you have nothing to say, then I believe we are done here. Please leave.”
“No wait!” You stopped her hurriedly, before she could turn around and leave you on your own again “What Jerry said is true, and I’m ready to tell you everything.”
“That night at the hospital, when the doctors declared me dead, it wasn’t what happened. That was a lie the respective doctor was ordered to tell everyone. But I believe you already know that by now.” You sighed, running a hand through your hair as you remembered the events of that evening “Turns out, we had underestimated Maisy. She already had a plan and a backup team ready on standby if things went sideways. That’s exactly what happened, and we weren’t prepared for it. While half of my squad accompanied me to the hospital, the other half was working to get Maisy to the precinct; that’s when the van was attacked and Maisy fled the scene.”
You closed yours briefly and took a deep breath to calm yourself down before continuing. Remembering that devil made your blood boil “Her people had injured half our squad in that attack and the captain knew the next target would be me. I was in no condition to protect myself back then and in desperate measures to keep me safe, the captain ordered to release false news. Before the doctor could tell you anything, Jerry reached him first and conveyed the captain’s message, which was then transferred to you.”
Alexia didn’t say anything but stared at you, looking for any signs of lies or misinformation, but all she saw was remorse and guilt. And also that you were still holding something back.
“There’s more to it, isn’t there?” She asked eventually.
“…Yes” You sighed “I was transported to a safe place immediately while I was still unconscious, away from the lurking eyes. Funeral and everything that confirmed my death were duly done and they fell for it. There’s a protocol to keep an agent’s secret about their well-being hidden even from immediate family members in extreme situations and this clearly was one. But….”
You hesitated before saying your next words, knowing full well it was going to do more harm before it could do any good. “This protocol is valid till the agent is deemed fit again and can be trusted with their own safety. What I’m trying to say is, after we’re cleared, we are allowed to contact some of our close family members or partners and inform them that we’re safe and alive. Not every detail, but enough to let them know that we’re still here.”
That’s when everything Jerry said clicked into place for Alexia as her eyes went wide “That’s what he meant by ‘at least till you gained consciousness.’” She whispered, but you heard her clearly.
“Yes,” you mumbled, regret consuming you whole, no longer maintaining eye contact “2 months later, I was fully healed and was allowed to contact the outside world…..I was given the pass to tell I was alive.”
“And you deliberately chose not to tell me” Alexia seethed, clenching her fists in anger. She knew the truth was going to stink, but she was not prepared for the burn to be this bad.
“Alexia, it’s not what it sounds like -”
“Isn’t it though?!” She cut you off sharply, her voice rising “Because from what I'm hearing, you chose to lie to me for months! There were no shackles, no restraints, you intentionally chose to keep up your act while I blamed myself every day for whatever happened. You had every resort and you still turned your back on me!”
“I did not!” you cried “That's the last thing I did! The only reason I didn't call you immediately was because Maisy was still out there hiding somewhere. Trust me, the first thing I wanted to do as soon as I woke up was be near you. As soon as I was cleared, you were the first person I wanted to call. Heck you were the only person in my mind the entire time I was away.”
Your voice cracked “But I was shit scared of what would happen if Maisy found out that I had contacted you. I was scared she would get you again and hurt you in order to get to me!”
“You don't get to use that!” Alexia spat, she was screaming now.
“But I do!” your voice rose too, matching hers, desperate for her to see your side “You have no idea how terrified I was when she pointed that gun in your direction. In my 22 years of duty, I've never once been scared, Alexia! But that night, I could feel my soul leaving my body the second she turned towards you and that image had haunted me for months and it still does! I couldn't let her near you ever again, so I decided to keep my distance until she was captured and put away for good!”
“Do you have any idea how the image of your limp body in my hands has haunted my dreams?” She countered just as aggressively “Do you know how it feels to see the woman you love dying in your arm from the bullet that was meant for you?! Do you realise the heavy weight of regret settling in your bones that you start praying day and night that the world should've just taken you instead?! Do you understand the pain when you confess your love to someone only to be told they couldn’t be saved?!”
“Do you?!” Alexia shouted “Because if you did, you wouldn't have left me to drown in my self-hatred. You wouldn't have stood back and watched me beg on my knees for you to come back!”
“I did that to protect-”
“Please, don't even try to use that.” Alexia put her palm up to stop you “Funny you say that. Because while you were out there playing saviour, I died inside every day. I spent months wishing I wasn't here, months praying to anyone and everyone to take me and give you a chance at life instead. Your protection was useless because the person you tried protecting was already dead!”
“Alexia, please, I know what I did was wrong, but you have to understand I couldn't put you in danger again. You meant everything to me, you mean everything to me and I wouldn't have forgiven myself if Maisy hurt you again.”
“So you left me to suffer for a year instead.”
“God Alexia, I wanted to come back as soon as Maisy was captured” you head dropped in your hands “a month back she and her entire team was captured and were put away for good and the moment I landed in Barcelona-”
“Wait” Alexia said suddenly, cutting you off as she realised something. “You’re telling me Maisy, the whole threat that was keeping you from calling me, was caught a month back and you still didn't reach out this entire time?!”
“And come to think of it you still wouldn’t have if we hadn't bumped into each other that night at the restaurant” Alexia scoffed, in utter disbelief “This just keeps getting better.”
“No, no, no, no. You're getting this wrong.” You exhaled frustratedly. The conversation was slipping out of your grasp and you had no idea how to stop it “That’s not what had happened. The moment Maisy was put away, I caught the very next flight and flew here. The moment I landed, I ran. Didn't care about making a stop at my apartment, didn't care to greet my captain when it was a direct order to meet him the first thing. God no. I ran straight for you, straight in the direction of your house and I was right outside your gate, about to buzz the code when…”
You sighed deeply, this was by far the worst thing you had to put up with “I saw you standing on your porch with another woman. Your hands linked together and…and how she reached forward and kissed you and how- how that made your entire face brighten up. And that smile, god, it was one of full relief, one that wasn't covering doubts and suspicion behind your eyes, the kinda smile you wore with me. You were happy, I could see it and that's when I realised maybe… I was a little too late. You had moved on.”
When Alexia didn't say anything you continued, a defeated tone taking over “I’ve wanted nothing but to shower you with love and happiness and that was everything that girl was doing. And in that moment I couldn't help but think that maybe being away from me is what's truly best for you. I couldn't give you what you deserved but she could and she did, so I backed off.”
“You don't get to decide that!” Alexia exclaimed angrily. Tears finally finding their way down. Anger, hurt, betrayal and several other emotions that Alexia couldn't name had reached their peak and she couldn't control them anymore “You don't get to decide what's best for me! Not when I made it clear that you were what I wanted!”
“Alexia I-”
“No!” Alexia was done, mentally, physically done with this conversation “If you thought you were so undeserving of me, then why did you come here in the first place?! Why did you have to appear and destroy me when I was finally finding myself, when I was finally learning to live once again?! If you thought I was doing better then why did you follow me here from the restaurant?! Why couldn't you leave me alone?!”
“I don't know!” You pinched the bridge of your nose. You too had no idea why you had shown up when you were already convinced she was better off without you “That night, when I bumped into you - I don't know, I just, - there was this feeling that I have to let you know what had happened. That there's something left unresolved and I just couldn't let go.”
“Well you did! You made your point and now you need to go!”
“Alexia-”
“Enough! The person I loved died in my arms. Y/n is dead to me. I've mourned her for a year.” Alexia threw the harsh words right at you, her tears mixing with her words.
“You right here, are just a stranger who is invading my and my girlfriend's space and if you don't get out of here right now I'll have no option but to call the police. So pack your stuff and leave and never show me your face ever again!” She didn't wait to hear your response, just turned on her heels and left you with her words that fractured every bone in your body.
And as her front door slammed shut, you slumped down, your jacket sliding against the car surface, your head landing between your knees as you cried your heart out. The same position you took three days ago, the only difference, this stance was because of pure and utter devastation.
Her words slammed straight through your chest and ripped your heart open, more painful than any bullet that had ever touched you.
You were dead to her. And you couldn't do anything about it.
You had no one to blame but yourself.
Once the door closed behind Alexia, she crashed down on the floor, in a similar fashion to yours. Olga was there in an instance, wrapping her arms around her as Aleixa wept in her arms. The dam was cracked and the conversation had truly broken everything in her.
Alexia clutched Olga’s sweatshirt as a lifeline and she let her. Olga heard the conversation, she really didn't want to invade but she couldn't help herself. And if as a bystander it hurt so much to hear, she couldn't imagine what Alexia was going through when she actually lived it.
As the last blow was delivered, Olga already knew those words pained Alexia just as much as they did to you. Probably even more.
Because Alexia was the one who tried to keep you alive in every way she could. Your shared memories, your photos, the jokes, everything lived on with Alexia and she made sure of it. So saying those words definitely wouldn't have been easy and was now killing her from the inside.
As the night died, so did two hearts. One on the cold pathway, suffering from her deeds of protecting someone she loved more than herself and losing the very person in the process.
The other behind the barrier that separated the two, suffering because being the one protected had cost her everything.
——
A week had gone by since the night of the confrontation. Since then a suffocating silence had taken control over Alexia’s home and life that made it difficult to breathe.
She hadn't stepped out of the house once. Training sessions were missed, food felt like poison, sleep was unachievable and her apartment, once a place she desperately wanted to run from, was the only shelter over her shattered frame.
The street was now empty, it had been since that cruel night. Her wish was fulfilled and somehow that made everything a lot worse. The empty space right across the gate felt wrong and she couldn't figure out why.
It was late in the evening when Alexia finally got off her bed for the first time since the morning and that was only because the glass was empty on the bedside table and her throat was demanding to be hydrated.
She groaned, pushing the duvet off her and landing her feet on the cold wooden floor. Somewhere in the distance she could hear faint footsteps moving around the house. It was Olga’s, likely organising something or putting away the laundry, Alexia didn't really care. She just wanted water and plant face first into her bed again.
She dragged herself towards the kitchen, the 20-step distance somehow felt like the longest track she'd ever had to complete.
She'd chucked the whole glass down in milliseconds and was about to go back to her queen-sized sanctuary that was covered with white blankets and pillows, awaiting her presence, when the doorbell went off.
Her head snapped towards it and she narrowed her eyes as if she could magically figure out who was behind it.
They weren’t expecting any guests. She didn't have a parcel scheduled to be delivered today. Maybe it was for Olga.
A part of her really just wanted to shout for Olga upstairs and ask her to come down to collect and deal with whatever it was. The last thing Alexia needed was to have any kind of human interaction, even if it were as simple as signing a slip and taking the parcel with a bare minimum of ‘Thankyou’ changed between the two.
Given the condition, that alone was too much of a task for her. But she'd been a jerk to Olga for a while now. While Alexia was having constant meltdowns, Olga stayed steady and cleaned her messes without a complaint and she let her do so selfishly. This was the least she could do.
She padded down the hallway, already dreading the exchange that was to follow and opened the door wide.
To her surprise, there was no one standing there. Her brows furrowed as she looked around to see who had rung the bell, not one figure in sight, before finally shifting her gaze down, that deepened the crease in her eyebrows further.
Lying on her doormat, was a huge bouquet of flowers.
The same one you'd always bring for her. A beautiful mixture of lilies, roses and orchids, surrounded by white baby breaths that held them in place.
The same flowers that she never brought for herself again as their fragrance died at the hospital that night with you.
With trembling hands, she picked it up, her eyes landing on an envelope that sat between the flowers.
One last time
Was what it read. No mention of who it was addressed to, or by whom it was sent. And it didn't need that clarification. The thoughtful cursive was enough to indicate the author of the note and the choice of the flowers clearly hinted at the muse behind the sculpture.
Setting the bouquet down on the table, Alexia picked the letter, slowly opening the cover and taking the note out with shaky hands.
Dear Alexia,
This was not how I thought our future would turn out. The future that I crushed with my own hands. Before you, my life was meaningless. I was just a robot set free on the field with no home to come back to. But that changed the second I bumped into the kindest soul that night at the bar.
That night was a miracle I didn't think I deserved. It gave me a home to come back to, a reason to work hard to stay alive, a love that felt out of my reach; it led me to you. And I couldn't thank my lucky stars enough for that.
But sometimes a miracle for you is a curse to someone else. And that’s what I was in your bright life. You deserve someone who doesn't run away in the middle of dinners, someone who could answer all your questions while holding your gaze, someone whose commitments wouldn't put you at risk….someone that isn't me.
I tried everything to be someone who was worthy of you, but a miracle is only ever short-lived. It lit the candle in my dark hallways but never taught me how to stop it from extinguishing when the coldness hit.
I took steps in the direction that started our journey towards the end. And I didn't realise it until it was too late. If I could, I would backtrack them in a heartbeat but I can't.
So I will be taking one more step, only this time in the right lane. Something I should have done a long time ago.
I've been offered a placement in some place far from Barcelona, far from your reach. I've already accepted it and I'm leaving today.
You were right, I should've stayed dead. It was selfish of me to come back and hope we could carry on like nothing ever happened. And it was unfair to you. You built your life piece by piece and I had no right to come back and kick it down again.
This is me getting out of your life for good.
You deserve nothing but happiness and love Alexia, everything I've ever wished for you to have.
Even if it isn't with me, I want you to have it with someone else.
Thank you for all the beautiful memories we've created together; a world, though short-lived, will still always be the home I turn to when I feel lost. For loving me even on days when I made it difficult to, for trusting me when I gave you reasons not to.
Meeting you was the greatest pleasure of my life, and losing you is a lesson I'll always carry.
You'll always be with me even when you're not.
For one last time, goodbye, Alexia. Our paths may never cross again but mine will always end near yours.
For one last time, I love you and I always will. Nothing will ever change that.
For one last time, forever yours,
Y/n.
Alexia had no idea at which point, while reading the letter, she ended up on the floor. No idea when the tears had started pooling and dropping on the white sheet. No idea when Olga had gotten there and wrapped her arms around her shaking body, maneuvering her so her head lay on Olga’s chest.
“Isn’t that what you wanted, Ale? Isn't that what you asked for?” Everything in Olga wished for her to agree to this, to give some hope that their relationship wasn't slipping away from them but the weeping figure in her arms clearly suggested otherwise.
Alexia didn't respond verbally, her sobs just grew more violent, torn between what she wanted and what was the right thing to do.
Olga couldn't see Alexia break down constantly, couldn't see her fade away in front of her very eyes and she knew there was only one thing that would stop this wreckage, even if that shattered her completely.
“Go stop her Ale.” The heartbreak was clear in her voice “Stop her before it's too late.”
“W-what?” Alexia could feel warm liquid dripping down her hair, indicating Olga was now crying too.
She gently pulled back, cupping Alexia’s face in her hands. “You’ve always advised people to follow their heart. Then why aren't you following yours?”
“Because it’s nonsensical Olga!” Alexia argued back “And it's not the right thing to do!”
“What’s not right is restricting it from the only person it has been yearning for so long.”
“It has not!” a clear lie that made Alexia wince as she said it “I - I don't care about her. Not anymore, I don't!”
“And now you're lying to yourself.” Olga pointed, a sad smile appearing on her lips “If you don’t care then what are those tears for Alexia?”
“I - I -”
“Why are you torturing yourself, Ale?” Olga interjected, her own voice hiccuping “You clearly want to be with her. What's stopping you?”
“Because I can't leave you, Olga!” Alexia responded “You've been here for me the entire time. Through every dark night, to every wobbly step. And I can't just leave you because she's back. That isn't fair to you.”
“And I - lo- like you!” Even Alexia could hear how hollow that sounded. She had no idea who she was trying to convince at this point.
Olga let out a forlorn chuckle. “Do you really? Alexia, we've been together for months now and you still can’t get yourself to tell me that you love me even when I've said it a thousand times to you before.”
Before Alexia could argue, Olga continued not giving her a chance to, her voice breaking impossibly further. “And that's okay. Love can not be forced, Alexia. And I know you tried your best. I know you did. And I love how you're still trying to do right by my side when that's clearly not what you want.”
“But what - what about you, Olga?” Alexia was now in a conundrum, her heart demanding her to follow your path while her mind forced her to play justice. “I can’t do this to you. You don't deserve it.”
“Listen to me carefully.” Olga pulled her close, connecting their foreheads, her breath shaky as she tried to hide her pain behind them “Your love was never mine to keep, amore. It has always belonged to her. And I would never be able to live with myself knowing that I was the one who held you back.”
“Not everyone gets a second chance at love, Ale.” she continued, both of their tears now following freely “But lucky are those who do. So please don't waste it.”
“I’m an asshole!” Alexia cried, guilt eating her up “I’m a fucking asshole. I'm so sorry, Olga. I'm so sorry.”
“Shh. Don't apologise.” Olga gently patted her head “You haven't done anything wrong. You tried and that's all I could ask for. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you want them to and there's no one you can blame for it.”
“Thank you,” Alexia whispered in her shoulder as she brought her in for a hug "For everything you’ve done for me. I will never forget you.”
“Thank you for letting me be part of your life even when it was difficult for you. I wished it were longer but I'm happy for the time it lasted.” Olga hugged her close, knowing this was probably the last contact she was getting.
“Now go, get her before it’s too late.”
——
The wait in the lounge was over. It was officially time to take off. The entire time you sat there, your leg hadn't stopped bouncing once, palms rubbing against each other in an attempt to calm your racing heart down.
The walk to the plan was a short one. No passing through commercial gates, no long lines or huge crowds. Perks of being a highly ranked agent came in private jets and less hectic boarding procedures.
But you took your sweet time to cover the distance. After all, you were about to leave everything you've ever known behind. You still wanted to savour the moments you could.
Your luggage had already been taken care of, and all you had was a backpack that slung off one shoulder. You were being escorted by a staff member who was holding an umbrella over your head; the drizzling weather in Barcelona was getting worse by the second, but you pushed him aside gently, silently asking to make this walk alone.
You honestly didn't care that you were getting soaked, hoping the rain would help wash away some of the daunting thoughts about leaving. Spoiler alert, it didn't. Each step just made it more real.
Ten steps more and you'd be on the aircraft stairs that'll officially fly you away.
Nine steps more, and the pilot will announce the city that you'll probably never learn to call home.
Eight steps more -
“Coward!” Came a screeching voice that froze you mid-movement.
You turned around, trying to place a face to the sound. Initially, the rain made it difficult to pinpoint, but that was soon solved as the owner of the voice itself was sprinting in your direction at a very high speed, having no concern whatsoever about slipping and falling flat on the ground. And as the face registered, your eyes flew wide.
There was no way this was happening.
Your initial thoughts were: firstly, you were definitely hallucinating. There was no way she was here for real. Secondly, even if she were, she couldn't have passed through the security-
Your eyes darted behind her.
Jerry. Oh. Definitely the one who got her through them and always the one to save your ass at the end of the day.
Before you could form a third thought and question the reality, a figure skidded to a stop in front of you, and a finger came jabbing at your chest with such a force that you staggered a step back.
“You. Are. A. Fucking. Coward!” Alexia panted, but her voice carried fire that even the chilling rain couldn't wash away. "Always running away when things become difficult. That’s your solution to everything, isn't it?”
“Alexia - you - what -” your words tumbled over each other, still not quite sure of what was happening.
“No!” She hushed you by holding an authoritative finger up “You’ve had the chance to speak your piece. Now it's my turn. So you will shut up and stand there and listen to everything I have to say without uttering a word.”
You were definitely not planning on protesting against that voice. Besides, she didn't even let you, as Alexia continued to speak her mind.
“You think you're being noble?” She shoved you again, her palm hitting your chest, right above the scar “Accepting the placement? Leaving again? And you think that's what I want? That it will make me happy?!”
“But I thought you said you never wanted to see me aga-”
She cut you off, voice rising but not out of anger this time “And this is when you finally decided to listen to me?! Leaving flowers and letters at my doorstep and trying to get off the hook so easily?! God, you're unbelievable!”
“You absolute idiot!” she exclaimed, exasperated “When will you realize that you leaving will never make me happy. I've spent the last year praying and pleading to anyone who’ll listen to bring you back. I was ready to put everything on line to get even the smallest glimpse of you. And now, when I finally did, you've packed your bags and are ready to flee once again. You do not get to do that!”
“But -”
“You don't get to talk until I'm done!” Alexia was dead set on that, droplets flowing down her face that were most likely not rain.
“I hate you so much! So fucking much for everything you've done!” Another jab, another sob let loose “I hate that you let me believe you were dead! I hate that you let me blame myself for ever letting you take that bullet! I hate that you made me feel so helpless when I watched you die in my arms, and I couldn't do anything to stop it! And I hate you for just standing there and watching it all unfold!”
“But god help me,” She let out a sound that was half sob, half exasperated “I fucking love you. And I have since that glass spilled my expensive wine all over me. I loved you when you panicked and rambled things you didn’t mean to say. I loved you when you went out of your way to get us a reservation in my favourite restaurant that never has an opening. The way you remembered every tiny detail about me when I forgot it myself. And god, I’ve loved you even when I thought you were dead! And I've never stopped!”
“I love you and it's ruining my life!” she screamed, her fist banging at your chest “The whole world can see it, then why can't you?!”
You stayed silent, but your eyes had their own waterfall now that once again had nothing to do with rain.
“If home is the place you turn to, why are you going away from it? If I'm your home, then why are you running away from me?” Her voice cracked, her palm leaving their jabbing job and firmly grabbing your coat instead “When will you understand that it was never about what I deserved. It was about what I wanted. And it's you that I want. When will you understand that your right step is always the one that leads you to me. When will you understand that I can't do this without you, that you're the only one I need!”
“You said you'll always love me,” she continued, the anguish surfacing fully, “then prove it. Stay here and prove that you meant every word, every apology you've ever said. Stay here by my side even when it's hard. You promised that night before I left your apartment that you would take every tantrum, every shout, every scream I throw your way. Then stay and fucking fulfil that promise. I have so much more to say and I can't do that if you leave. This isn't even the tip of the anger I've bottled up and you better believe it'll all be directed at you. But if you truly meant it when you said you loved me, then you won't run this time. You'll stand right beside me when I blow up time and time again, on days when I'm not ready to talk to you or see your face. You won't leave. You'll be there and hug me close, and whisper again and again that you're here and you aren't going anywhere till I believe you.”
“I don't think I can bear losing you again.” Her voice completely broke, the rain soaking her to the bones, but that still didn't stop her, and you didn't want her to either “So please, don't make me. I want us to start fresh. Dial the clock back and take it from the beginning. Only this time, we start with honesty. No fake names, no fake excuses. Just you and me and the truth.”
Alexia’s chest heaved, the long speech along with her bubbling anxiety the entire way, making her breathless.
“You know you're allowed to speak now.” Alexia insisted after a moment, her lungs catching the much-needed air. Her voice slowly returned to a normal decibel.
You still didn't say a word. Just stared deep in her hazel orbs, so many emotions flared behind them. Anger, desperation, defeat, acceptance and various others you possibly couldn't name.
This couldn't be real. Was what your mind kept repeating. How could you possibly believe it? Only a few minutes ago, you were eight steps away from permanently disappearing. And now you're supposed to accept that the dream that constantly played in your mind was actually taking the form of reality. And the woman you begged the universe to reunite with was finally standing in front of you. In the most cinematic way ever? Yeah, that's some crazy hallucination right there.
But it was happening and god, was it all so real. You could tell that because the relentless rain had soaked you through, and you could feel the chills coming. Because Alexia’s hand was still firmly curled into your coat, her grip tight as if afraid to let go. Because the tears streaming down both your faces were warm and heated, expressing feelings that went beyond words. Because the staff voices were overlapping others, each a different variation of a warning asking you to board as it was time to take off.
You and Alexia had collectively tuned them out.
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, thinking your actions through. Very gently, you pried Alexia’s hands away from your coat and took a careful step back.
Alexia’s brows furrowed, her heart dropping to her stomach as she thought the worst “What are you doi-”
But before she could complete, you swiftly cut her off. Taking a bottle of water out of the side of your backpack, a small smile crept up your face “You said you wanted to start from the beginning. And what better place to begin than the night at the bar that first introduced us.”
While Alexia looked confused, you unscrewed the cap and spilled some of the liquid below, splashing the contents on the already wet floor.
“Wow!” You muttered the same first word that you had ever said to her. The same look in your eyes that screamed she was the most beautiful woman you had ever laid your gaze on, and you had already planned on spending your entire life with her that very second. The same adoration that had never left once since that wine was wasted.
“I’m sorry, I'm such a klutz.” You said sheepishly, your tone perfectly mimicking your past self, but the grin spreading on your face had nothing to do with that “I couldn’t see where I was going with you standing in front of me. Do you think I could have your number, Alexia Putellas?”
Alexia laughed, literally laughed. Because of course, only you would think of doing something like this in such an intense situation, reminding her why she fell in love with an idiot like you in the first place.
But she didn't waste a second more than necessary, already having lost the fight with herself to keep her away from you, her feet already moving before she consciously permitted them, sprinting and throwing herself in your arms.
And as expected, you caught her effortlessly. Your arms wide open for her, the empty space in them was finally filled with the warm body they had desperately craved for.
Her head burrowed into the crook of your neck, as her body shook with sobs. Her palms fisting the back of your coat again with 10x more intensity as she was ready to never let go of it.
You held her just as close, not wanting to be away even in your wildest dreams now. Your one arm secured her firmly by the waist while the other threaded gently through her hair.
“Yes, yes. You absolutely can only if you promise never to leave me again.” she whispered, a teary chuckle parting her lips.
You kissed her crown, your lips lingering longer than required before pulling her closer in your embrace, if that was even possible.
“I promise.” You whispered back.
And this promise was here to stay.
——
The end.
A/n
Thank you, everyone who came on this journey with me. For being patient with delayed updates. For leaving sweet and encouraging comments that motivated me to keep going. I loved sharing this story with you’ll and I can’t wait for many more in the future.
Please let me know if guys like it! Your responses mean the world to me💗
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Damn he’s gonna love this. Listen, I know my boyfriend having a man-crush on our university’s quarterback isn’t anything to get upset about. He certainly is a looker, as I admire myself in the mirror, I can’t help but get hard in my new form. But why not play a little April Fools prank before revealing the present I got him.
This bodysuit technology is amazing, I look exactly like him! And all I had to do was steal a his water bottle at practice and get a little of his saliva to make a replica body that I can slip on!
I reach for the my neck, pressing the hidden button disguised as his Adam’s apple. “Testing, testing. There’s that voice,” I pur in his sexy deep baritone.
The plan is when he comes home from class, ‘Alex’ will be waiting in his bedroom. I know it’s always been a fantasy for him to get bullied and taken advantage of by the hot jock, so I’m sure he won’t mind a little roleplay before revealing myself. Damn I still have an hour before he’s back, wouldn’t hurt to get a feel for my new body before falling into my new persona. These muscles may just be silicone and rubber, but they feel and taste just ike the real thing!
