The Dumb Bitch Diaries

Jerry Seinfeld says that you could never do Seinfeld today but one time when I was really high I fell asleep and dreamed a new episode where Jerry came out of the closet as a trans woman and Elaine wanted to be supportive so she gifted Jerry a dress that she didn't really like but when Jerry wore the dress out she got tons of compliments and Elaine gets super pissed about it because she never got any compliments when she wore it but couldn't say anything because she didn't want anyone to call her a fake ally.

i store my weed in police evidence bags left over from when i got raided

'you have x many followers' those r cadavers girl. corpses. abandoned vessels of blogs who once were. its the apocalypse in there. its me and my 5 mutuals against the world.

pro tip if you start saying hewwo as a joke it will eventually come to be your standard greeting for all loved ones 

Or, in a more generalized form, beware what thou do ironically, lest thou begin to do it ronically.

#beware of the running joke#because someday it will catch you

It's true drawing this blade and slaying an enemy with it is how I came out to my family

saw a meme in one of my dreams last night that had confucius but he was a catboy and it said "catnip got me acting unwise"

Yes I have thick and luscious hair but every time I shave I have to lie down and not move for two days lest I horribly mangle my skin. A little trick of the Demiurge to guard the path of gnosis.