Manderlay

June. white cotton, red lipstick. trying a new writing routine. bitter orange marmelade. wild strawberries. empty museums, scribbled notes. stacks of beat-up library books. transparent fragrances (delicate citrus, blooming jasmine). working by the open window - rustling paper, rustling branches. dancing bats. litchi lemonade. collecting beautiful sentences, beautiful thoughts, and weaving something worthwhile out of them. doing the work, gently and relentlessly.

I HAVE TO DO THE WORK SO THAT MY LIFE CAN BE DIFFERENT AND I CAN REAP THE BENEFITS

this isn’t a “blog” we are having tea together. do you take sugar

I want to talk shit about my one week summer gig so badly but I don't want to dox myself. Just know I'm furious. As literally every year.

I wanted to send her a mail about it yesterday. and I didn't because I felt the mail was too bitchy and wanted to discuss it with my mother, who, of course, ignored me all day. Yes, this is my fault. But oh my god. Oh my god, I'm so mad.

made a move. it's all very true but I still feel like a huge bitch.

I want to talk shit about my one week summer gig so badly but I don't want to dox myself. Just know I'm furious. As literally every year.

I wanted to send her a mail about it yesterday. and I didn't because I felt the mail was too bitchy and wanted to discuss it with my mother, who, of course, ignored me all day. Yes, this is my fault. But oh my god. Oh my god, I'm so mad.

no one cares that you shave your legs because of sensory issues shut the fuck up forever

really galling amount of people misinterpreting this post so i'd like to clarify. i'm saying that when discussions about patriarchal beauty standards and the way women are heavily shamed and coerced into eschewing their own natural state of being (hairy) are occurring, it is unhelpful (AT BEST) to interrupt and say that the reason YOU remove the hair from your body is because of sensory issues. that's not what we're talking about. stop asking for validation for doing something that society at large wants you to do. stop derailing the conversation because you feel uncomfortable about being made aware that you, for whatever reason it is, adhere to harmful, unfair and ridiculous beauty standards. you're stepping into the middle of an important conversation that needs to be had and making it all about you. shut the fuck up forever.

also quite frankly i think a lot less people would experience sensory issues if they let their hair grow out so that it isn't bristly and rough and irritating. and i cannot help but wonder why these sensory issues aren't as predominant in men. maybe you're uncomfortable with the hair on your body because you've been taught to be uncomfortable with it. just a thought.

“you’re such a ray of sunshine!” thanks! one day i chose to act happy and then i kept choosing it over and over and over and over until the neurological pathways formed like desire paths in the thicket. i dug and clawed my nails into the grooves of my brain and carved out joy. i retouch it every day.