mur

i've been known to have a thought

i would like to officially thank sesame for its seeds, its oil, and of course its street

gug in heat moment

When that old lady died and her son took her job and her hat and the UK had to change their anthem from god save the Queen because she wasn't alive to save anymore. They just switched it to god save the king. That wasn't fair. The british public should have had a chance to vote on if they wanted that or Mr Brightside.

who up craving sedation?

i had a dream i went to your concert and you chased me and stabbed me in the face

don’t give me any ideas

This is not my beautiful house. Deez are not my beautiful nuts.

we justifiably give Biden a lot of shit but I think "at least 3" is the funniest possible response to some right wing dipshit asking you how many genders there are

my biggest flex is that i am the person responsible for our whatchacallit at work

thinking about this

i could be the person who changes the stoplights. red. yellow. green. red. yellow. green. it comes naturally to me

[gets so horny i start rummaging through girls’ garbage cans and drinking the remaining fluid out of their covid-19 rapid test kit dropper vials]