Hope is for suckers

Why do I prefer reading about same sex couples?  Because their story is way more tragic and I love to cry.  - somewhere in a book I haven’t written yet

The Best Present 

Soo, I got a new drawing tablet and I did a quick Chuuya sketch

When I was 11 years old, I met a boy that I immediately started liking. I told my best friend at the time and he insulted the boy I liked. I was mad, so I told this boy and he and another friend of ours – the same one that had sex with me, at this point this was still going on, even though he had a girlfriend – and we all went to find my best friend to talk with him and see what his deal is. He didn’t talk with us and never talked with me ever since. We still pass each other on the street sometimes. I have never regrated anything more in my life. (The boy I liked turned me down at some point and he was really nice and never made me feel bad about it, so kudos for that) When I was 12 years old, I had my first boyfriend. He was 13 at the time. It lasted 14 days and on the second day he asked me if I want to have sex. I said no and it all went to hell from there. When I was 14 years old, our class was discussing where can we go to celebrate the end of school as we were all going in different high schools. There was an idea for a pool and one of the girls said: “I don’t want to see her in a swimsuit.” I am chubby and I have never went swimming since then. I was in the swim team prior to this and I loved swimming. When I was 21 years old, I had my second boyfriend. I was with him for a year and three months and we were living together. He was lazy, not working pretending he doesn’t feel okay and using my money all the time, even when I have a serious money problems in my family and don’t have any funds to spare. It was a toxic relationship. I got my cat and walked out one day when he refused to take a shower (at this point it was almost 4-5 days since he last showered) because he was too lazy to get up. We tried again a week after that, not living together this time. It lasted around two weeks, at the end I found out he’s been seeing someone else for a week already. She is now one of my closest friends, no longer with him and in a happy relationship with one of my other friends. I am really happy for her. I am still broken. Now I am 25 years old, almost 26. I met a boy this year, through a mutual friend. He is one year younger than me, and we are now friends. We play games together and have seen each other only few times, but we talk almost every day. A week ago, I realized I am starting to have feelings for him. I don’t want that. I don’t want anything to happen and I don’t want to have feelings for him because: 8 – I resent sex 10 – I am not enough 11 – I am not worth it 14 – He will be disgusted by me 12 – I can’t give him what he wants 21 – He will get tired of me

Oh, I believe in yesterday…

Dylan O'Brien + dancing.

Feel free to add more!

btw, on the anime side, i am thinking of starting an etsy shop for printables, anyone have any recomendations on what i can sell? 

burn, from hamilton (2015, 2020)

Favourite shows: Skins UK   “Do you know what hurts the most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before.”