he’s on the cover of the fucking game.

"and then they fuck about it" is to Hollanov headcanons what "stop" was to telegrams

it’s actually so important to me that ilya isn’t like a fuckmachine 2000 that just has endless stamina and knows how to hit all the good spots on the first try with his cucumber sized penis. sure that’s what he wants you to think but he is literally just a guy sometimes he cums in four thrusts because he can’t help it and it takes longer than he would like to get hard again and his dick is 6 inches maybe 7 on a good day and he gets a leg cramp that kinda kills the mood and maybe his eye does a weird twitchy thing when he orgasms

My Vegas breakdown is making the rounds again and I would like to remind people that DOM DROP is real and also Ilya Rozanov has no idea that it's happening to him. Yes Ilya is a mean dom, especially that night, but the cigarette and vodka conversation was not part of the scene and the reason he's choosing not to communicate in that moment is because he is fully in Dom drop and literally feels like he cannot communicate. Shane, sitting next to him, is fully in sub drop and ALSO feels like if he actually opens his mouth to ask for what he wants (Kisses) then he's going to throw up or ask for something insane. Also they're in love and hiding it badly. Also Ilya is going back to Russia in a matter of days. Also Shane has been feeling some version of chewed up and spat out for over six months at this point. They're not doing WELL. And they're not doing it to each other it's just. Happening.

I can just imagine Shane and Ilya coming across this in the grocery store. Shane stops and stares at it. The two share a look. And Ilya just starts dying inside because how is he supposed to say no to this? Can he win this? What's stopping Shane from just coming back and buying a case on his own?

hollanov pr friendship is so special to me i need it played out more. i need them to have an absolute blast with confusing people whether they actually like each other. i want them to chirp at each other left and right but then also stand next to each other at the practice rink gossiping with their mouths covered. i want ilya to drop random shane lore he acquired that has everyone confused as to how close they are. i want shane to correct other people on their ilya opinions. i want everyone to wonder why these fuckers decide to sit eat hang out with each other all the time if they always piss the other off and then see them being the absolute safe space for the other and wonder when they got that close. i just want them to have a little fun with being close friends in public yk

I know, I know, I’m cottage episode posting again, but I just want to live in the space right before Ilya kisses Shane for the first time. Shane looks so happy and so content but also so hungry and eager. He’s used to longing for Ilya and that’s been its own kind of torment, but now things are shifting and the longing turns to anticipation because any second now Ilya is going to kiss him and he doesn’t have to stop kissing him for a whole two weeks!! And it’s plain on Shane’s face that he knows it and he wants it, like he licks his lips and doesn’t look away from Ilya’s mouth, and he’s got this small contented smile but his eyes are all hazy. The moment is quiet but I just know that Shane’s mind is running he’s here he’s here he’s going to kiss me oh my god please kiss me now please please please.

My low stakes heated rivalry headcanon is that Shane 100% had a brief cameo in Crazy Rich Asians. Like maybe he was on a poster or a billboard in the background, or they briefly show one of his commercials or post-game interviews where he’s all sweaty and handsome