Court Jesster

rushing into the hospital, breathing sporadically, looking around scared

i heard a voice behind me telling me to push

and then i saw her

no less than 9 pounds, crying, head full of hair, existence full of potential

and i always wanted a son but i know she's a girl

and i held her body next to mine before they took her away

for a bath probably

and the dream ended but i still see her

i still feel like something left

i thought about fucking.him amd yeah thatd be fun but then i wanted to think about more

and he keeps doing things 🙄 making me blush and shit

and we look cute together thats why gustavo put us together to dance and everyone else was random like i see you sir

i miss her

i think about her all the time

i still cant write about her

but one day when i can, i know itll be beautiful

chefie also means little chef in a way, and since i was a wee lad, i always planned for my first tattoo to be on both of my wrists, simply the words "lil chef" from ratatoullie because that was my first favorite movie, my first favorite video game on the leapfrog, my first infatuation,

"anyone can cook"

ive always loved cooking

even though ive never really believed in god ive always believed ive had a god given gift, talent, and duty to cook. when i was five i knew that i always wanted my own bakery, and i wanted lil chef tattooed on my wrists

even when i was at my lowest, sure that i wouldn't survive to the next day, i kept the front parts of my wrist clean just in case one day i might survive to actually get the tattoos, and now that's what im going to do for my 25th birthday

-mmm yummy sea bass

-rich white uncle paid for my parking fee so i could go be drunk

-lovvevee my new heels

-mma fighter guy 🤤🤤

-salsa guy 🤤🤤🤤

-giving my cool lighter away to 2 girls who let me take a hit of their joint just as payment but hey i just bought like 30 lighters i dont need that shit

-soo...much....fluid jiggling luscious ass oh my word

-no one else getting id'd NOT EVEN THE NIGGA WHO TURNED 21 THAT FUCKING DAY DAWG

-kole trying to fight and the guy saying he wasnt gonna hit his scrawny ass 😭

-i think my feet were bleeding 😍

-THE FEELING OF THE BASS RESETTING MY NERVOUS SYSTEM (like genuinely)

-DANCING ON THE DJJJJ HE LET ME BEHIND THE GATE HOOEEE

-feeling so confident in my body like ive never felt free enough to just...dance

-one of my hoes texting me tryna pull up while im ass deep on some guys dick

-cussing a guy out no hesitation bc he was following my cousin around

"im gonna let you know right now...." and she immediately starts laughing and loosens up bc she KNOWS im ab to clear this nigga

really looking

trying to find something but i dont quite know what it is

what do other people see

i guess not my sparse eyebrows and mismatched knees and knobby shoulders and big feet

i only see the eyes and lips of what they see but everything else has a haze over it

what i see

i guess the longer i look the less like me i find myself to be

and i have to wonder who was i picturing before

in my minds eye

shes not real

shes just not real

in one moment she melted away and i could see me

and ive never seen her before but everyone else has

everyone knows her face and her expressions and her movements

i felt like crying when i saw her

in the mirror

im not ugly or uneven or upsetting