Weaponized Idiocy

"just the check, please."

sylus's low voice makes you perk up from where you're eating the last bites of your dessert. mischief bubbles in your chest. you set down your fork and start rummaging through your bag.

"what are you doing?" sylus asks, eyebrow arching.

you can practically hear his thoughts. he's definitely wondering why you've decided to look through your bag after he asked for the check. the two of you have had this conversation many times before. he'll pay for any and all of your dates, regardless if you're planning to use the card he had given you.

you give him an innocuous smile. "just looking for my phone." you casually excuse yourself. sylus easily lets his suspicions go, especially since the waiter has arrived with the check.

you've seen videos of people handing their partner's cash or their card to see their reactions. even though you know how sylus would react, you would never pass up the chance to prank him. so, as you grab your phone, you also grab your personal credit card, keeping the card hidden in your hand.

taking out his wallet, sylus gives a cursory glance at the receipt, and you make your move.

with the low lights of the restaurant, all you can see is sylus's amused smirk as your hand scoots over towards him. you lift your hand and beneath it is your credit card. you watch, amused, as sylus's smirk falls. without even looking away from the receipt book, he flicks the card back towards you. you let out a gasping laugh at his actions.

sylus places his card in the book, closes it, and hands it to the waiter. he turns back towards you and playfully tsks at you.

"you know better, darling." his low drawl combined with the amusement in his red eyes makes you laugh a little harder.

"do i?" you crone out, fluttering your eyelashes playfully.

"even if don't—" sylus's eyes go half-lidded a bit. "—i can certainly teach you once more."

Tucker, the cat behind Lady Normalgirl’s noble eunuch, passed away on Tuesday morning.

From about the time I could talk, I dreamed of having a pet cat — and when I was ten, that dream finally came true. But in all my tiny child dreaming, I don’t think I could have imagined a cat better than Tucker. He’s been my constant companion for the last thirteen years, through all the best and worst bits of my life and as much as I know it’s good he’s no longer in pain, it seems very wrong that I have to do this next worst bit without him.

I’m thankful that we were able to spend so long together (even if it doesn’t feel quite long enough) and I’m so very grateful that over the last year and a bit I was able to share him with all of you. Knowing that he will be remembered so far and wide means more than I can really express. He definitely knew how insanely much I loved him (and I know how much he loved me back), but I’d like to think he knew how much so many of you loved him and how much joy his noble likeness’s comics brought so many people. While I know I will never stop missing him and that my sadness might never truly go away, it will always be a comfort to know my little cat has left behind such a grand legacy of love and happiness.

<3

Inspired by John Singer Sargent

(and stories about addicts always hit for me especially when one is on the path of redemption; I know ya forget but addiction is a disease, it doesn’t make you less or more than. You all have a terrible relationship with that, do better.)

No safety. No food. No aid. No water. No healthcare. No education. Is this what it means to live? Is this what world accept as life?

If a group of animals were trapped, starved, and cut off from the world like this, people would be outraged. But because it's us—human beings—somehow, the world looks away.

These are unbearable days. Everything feels heavy. Each hour presses on my chest like I’m being suffocated.

My family needs urgent help.

Basic survival has become nearly impossible. Bread—just bread—now costs over $25 a day to make.

We are not asking for luxury. We are begging for life.

Please, if you’re reading this: help. Reblog this post. Talk about us. Donate if you can. Even a small act can mean everything right now.

#brother its darktown and that's the only dr who gives a shit about you#not only are darktown residents allergic to being snitches#watching someone get murdered is like. an average tuesday#“theres been a murder in darktown!” and fork was found in kitchen cmon - @medouse

#who am i to question a medical professional? - @spiritbladed

#watching the guy who just gave me a magic abortion loot the corpse of a templar right in front of me: CHEERS MATE - @dilfsisko

#thats just how is#hes freeing up waiting times - @knightsquire

#he cured them for good!#now they'll never get sick or ill again#its very considerate of Anders to look out for their future wellbeing#he's thinking ahead#big brain move#he's also preventing them from harming others ever again so he's also lessening his future potential workload! - @lizzybeeee

#i dont see shit. i dont know that man. actually ive never heard of a doctor in my life. sorry templar ive actually never heard of darktown - @lavenderstobins

I had the same thought as a de Riva because why would I need to do a thesis project as an Antivan Crow? Why would Viago make me put this orb together, is it a poison orb?