Nothing But Wishful Thinking

A groan threatened Zayna’s lips, but years of training behind castle walls had trained her to keep her composure. Good too, as soon her composure would be everything to her persona now. “Hardly, no one knows of the Queen’s news. I am just an advisor’s daughter going home.” 

“There are no secrets among nobles, your Grace.” Fenwyr met Zayna’s gaze softly, “as anyone else would see it, the future of all of Cormyr is sitting across from me. I am both honored and unnerved at the fact that I am all you decide to enlist.” 

“Where I am going is far safer; you’re all I need.” She smiled, glancing out the carriage window against Fenwyr’s wishes, as out of reflex he reached a hand to pull her away from the window. Though his hand was trained to never touch a Queen-to-be. 

“Your confidence in my ability is kind, however--” the carriage rocked as something landed on the roof. The motion alone made Fenwyr take to his feet, sword nearly out of its sheath. He turned his head to the sound of Zayna sighing with a smile on her face. 

She leaned out the window more while answering Fenwyr, amidst being interrupted. “Less your skill, Ser Fenwyr, and more so…well, the perks of being lovers with a Harper is that there is little that gets passed him. Including a visit.” She gave a small wave to the clean-cut blonde elf who was perched at the top of the cart. “Evenin’ Vander.” 

The cart climbed a winding dirt road to a home built along the woodlines of the King’s forest, north of the capital, leaving the seaside vista for the quiet, forest knight. The home was small, quaint, and made to blend in with the trees. Fenwyr would have missed it, with no signs of light and smoke at first. He stared for some time as Zayna stepped out of the carriage, refusing Fenwyr’s help. 

“It’s not a spell,” Vander spoke freely as he walked after Zayna. “Your eyes are young, mortal; in time, you might grow to see the truths of many things. Including what is in front of you.” 

Fenwyr nodded, staying by the carriage. “Your Grace.” He spoke just before Zayna crossed the threshold of her home. “We must return to the castle by high sun tomorrow.” 

“I know.” Her fingers gently gripped the wood of the doorframe. “Give me a few hours, please.” 

There was no need to speak more as Zayna crossed into the home, and suddenly she felt as though she was worlds away. The interior was the complete opposite of the Castle Obarskyr, cold, massive hallways, ceilings that had never been reached or touched. No, this was her home. Paintings hung on walls, the ceiling was low and made of the same warm wood as the walls. A fireplace, a simple living area, and standing in the center was the warmest point in the room. 

A handsome blonde elf, identical to Vander, but worlds different in expression. He was tired around the eyes, and his hand pulled back away from his face, which was smart. As tiny hands reached up curiously at his face, a baby swaddled in his arms. “I did try my hardest to have her in bed by this time.” Reevan turned to the mother of his child and the lover of his lifetime. 

“I’m sure you gave it the good ol’ Harper try.” She giggled, looking the baby over—wide green eyes, alert and glancing between her parents, as a toothless grin graced her face. “There is our little harper.” 

“Our little princess.” Reevan was quick to correct her. 

Zayna’s face tensed at the curt correction. “So you heard?” 

“Are you surprised?” he chuckled at her clear, growing annoyance. 

“So you spied?” 

“--tis’ the Harper’s way. Though I personally did not, I was home with Úna.” 

“You had your _brother_ spy?!” 

“You should speak with the Purple Knights, Vander mentioned it was far too easy to access you. Fenwyr was right about no secrets about nobles--” 

“Re!” 

“Na?” 

With a quick snatch, Zayna took her daughter into her arms and began to rock her. Almost on command and comfort, the baby began to lull to sleep, blissfully unaware of the tension that grew in the warm home. “Zayna, you are already the most important person to me. Now you are going to be the most important person to a lot of other people.” 

“You don’t know if I agreed. The Queen is making her announcement tomorrow.” She softly challenged in a sing-song voice, rocking and bouncing while her eyes narrowed. 

Reevan nodded at her, impressed at her ability to soothe a baby while remaining annoyed at him. “If I know my sparrow, then I know she will do exactly what her duty asks of her. Because she is just, she is smart, and she is and will be the Queen Cormyr deserves.” He walked slowly behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “I will love you and--”

“You will love me from the dark?” She turned to face him, holding her sleeping daughter close to her chest. “Love us? You know, in taking this position, everything changes. I will not leave the Castle, Úna will reside with me, and will be expected to be next in line, and you…you will not have this. All of this is gone, our time together, our lives, and--”

“The greater good demands great sacrifice.” He smiled gently at her. “You will do what you must, as will I.” 

“...Reevan, I don’t think you understand this means the end of us.” 

“I disagree, this is a change, but it is not the end.” 

“What if I am asked to remarry?” 

“Then you will and--” 

“What if they asked Úna to marry and leave for another land?” 

“Well then, she has--” 

“What if--”

“Zayna, please, you are not giving me a chance to speak!” 

“Because nothing you’ll say will be the right thing to say to me!” 

A silence fell upon the home as she gently placed the baby into a small crib. “What do you see for us, Reevan? What do you see our lives as?” He reached for her, only to see her move away, her eyes fixated on their daughter’s sleeping face. 

“I see you serve as a dutiful and beautiful Queen. I see you quell a growing turmoil. I see you build back a trust that stifles any rebellion or question of the crown. I see the same woman who aided against the goblin battles and raced to the aid of the Nettles in the Hullack Forest. A woman who knows how to serve, how to aid, and how to lead uses all this knowledge and makes her late father proud. An advisor’s daughter, a Queen chosen for ability, not blood. I see Cormyr thrive, and our daughter live in the lap of luxury where every opportunity is at her fingertips.” He continued speaking, hovering his hands over her shoulders. 

“...you know what I see?” She turned to face him now. “I see all of what you said, but nowhere in what you said have you mentioned you…where are YOU, Reevan? The future you’ve painted, you are nowhere to be found.” Hot tears began to prick at the corner of her eyes. 

“I will be there, always when you need--”

“‘But never to be seen’ enough, Reevan, please for a second stop. Put the Harper badge down. Stop speaking as though all you see is goodness. Are you so resolved in all of this? Are you so certain that this choice is what’s right for us?” 

“There was never a choice, Zayna. You are Queen, and I am a Harper. These are the natures of our fate, and we cannot fight them. So why are you speaking as though you will refuse it? Will you refuse the crown?” 

A silent beat. 

“You will not. As I will continue to be a Harper, I will provide, we will …we will make this work.” He finally touched her, and she did not pull away. He placed his hands on either side of her face, but as he stared, he saw her green eyes glaze in some unknown way he had never seen before. 

“We will. Duty first and then the rest.” 

“The rest will come.”