The Ramblings of a Moose

I’ll stop reblogging this on Wednesday when it stops being relevant

I have a new hero.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This woman deserves a medal.

Why I think this is Florida?

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

A++ addition

I LOVE THIS

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

the amount of people tagging this as “this would work on me” is INTENSELY FUNNY YOU’RE ALL SO FUCKIN VALID

THIS IS A LITERAL MASTERPIECE

this is honestly surreal

netflix and…rest your head on my thigh while I run my fingers through your hair continuously

@otahkoapisiakii

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

I just want to crawl in bed with someone I care about and have my heart feel at home again and watch movies and talk about random stuff for hours

how come humans don’t lick to show affection

lesbians do! 

I spat out my drink

Literally every child every born and/or parented presents unique challenges. It’s like people are unique individuals…..or something………….

An amazing and revolutionary concept

my life is complete

I can feel the surprised expression on the duck’s face.  It’s like “This is unexpected,”

this literally gave me chills.

I’ve never hit the reblog button so fast in my life.

Rapunzel was the best in this. The others were selfless to be sure, but he KNEW he was dying. 100% chance of death and he didn’t hesitate. That moment made the movie for me. That, and when bitchzilla took a nose dive out the window. :D