Liv's Page

I saw Ally McBeal when it first aired, but I haven't ever gone back to watch it again.

He winced. Looking around, he found Seven in a biobed a few feet away. Several arrows protruded from her chest and torso. Her breathing was shallow and eyes closed. His frown deepened. Seven was severely injured, but, thanks to her nanoprobes, he was reasonably sure she would survive. It was the only reason she had survived the Crusades, which was one of the first simulations the Hirogen had run. During a lull in the healing cycle, he’d watched the recording from that simulation to get a feel for the type of violence the Hirogen were inflicting on his people. It was both impressive and horrifying. Seven and the captain’s characters disguised themselves as male soldiers in Louis VII’s army. The fighting was brutal. During one battle, Captain Janeway’s character was struck with an arrow, forcing her prone on the battlefield. Seven’s character had taken out 15 soldiers single-handedly to protect the other woman before a group of them cut her down with swords and axes.

From "...and Then There Was" on AO3. Must be logged in to read because AI scraping.

We need to talk about perimenopause more because this bitch is kicking my ass, and it just started. I knew it was going to be a lot, but fuck I didn't know it was going to be like this.

My inflammation is worse because estrogen levels effect inflammation levels. Less estrogen, worse inflammation. I have arthritis, so this is especially fucked for me.

Less estrogen also means my pain tolerance levels are lower, which, as an arthritis sufferer, just makes my life hellish because I can't take painkillers all the time. It's bad for my liver.

I consistently wake up between 2:30 and 3:00 AM covered in sweat because night sweats are a real thing and my imbalanced hormone levels cause my sleep cycle to be all fucked up.

Not a single fucking cycle that happens in my body is regular anymore. Not. A. Single. Fucking. One.

I have brain fog almost all the time now. I walk around feeling like I haven't slept in 24 hours. I haven't felt this stupid and unalert since my college days when I would actually stay up for 24 hours straight.

My ability to empathize has gone down exponentially over the past five years because I am so uncomfortable and am in some level of pain all the time that my give-a-damn has to be saved for things that really need it. I need the rest of my energy to just move through the world.

Every day I wake up and have to check myself to determine if this day is a 'hot all day' or 'cold all day' day because, despite the fact I live in Texas, which is 2 inches from the face of the sun and runs temperature highs in the 2,000s, sometimes I'm just fucking freezing for no god damned reason.

My ear canals itch. It's not allergies. It's a perimenopause thing. Some women's ears just itch because hormones. Isn't that nifty?

My hands and the bottoms of my feet are clammy all the time like I'm some 16 year old boy who is talking to his crush for the first time. It's gross. I hate it.

I start crashing around 5:30 PM every day, which is apparently tied to the fact that perimenopause makes it harder for your body to manage your blood sugar levels.

I can't think of words. Words I've used my entire fucking life. It's because of the hormone situation and the sleeplessness causing the brain fog associated with it.

I now get frozen shoulders, because reduction in estrogen also negatively effects muscle and connective tissues.

My fingernails are starting to become brittle.

I get heart palpitations for no reason at all except, you know, hormone changes.

That's just the stuff I can think of off the top of my head. In short, getting older has a lot of stuff that is awesome about it, but this part? This part is ass, and I hate it. I hate it so much.

“I know, Seven, and I will,” Janeway dismissively picked up a PADD, “as soon as I finish this. I appreciate your concern, but it’s unnecessary.” Something hard settled into Seven, a feeling somewhere between concern and anger. How dare this woman before her not take care of herself? Was she aware of how important she was? She needed to provide basic self-care. She needed to take care of herself. Seven huffed in frustration and went to the replicator, punching in a line of code as she called out, “Computer, list the last stardate Captain Janeway replicate acceptable nourishment to be considered a meal for a Human female of her age.” She watched Janeway’s infamous glare focus on her, but she was accustomed to receiving it. It would not deter her from her point. The computer’s smooth voice returned with, “Stardate 51655.71.” Seven tilted her head and quirked an eyebrow. “That was three days ago.” She noted the muscles in the captain’s jaw twitch. “We do have a Mess Hall, Seven.”

From "...and Then There Was" on AO3. Must be logged in to read because AI scraping.

Her door chimed as she picked up the next PADD. Protesting the interruption under her breath, she politely called for entry only to visible wince as Neelix happily strolled into the room. “Captain!” His grin reached his ears as he waddled to her desk with a covered tray in hand. “I hope you’re hungry.” With a bit of pomp and circumstance, he pulled off the cover to reveal something resembling tomato soup and a sandwich. “I believe Humans call this tomato soup and grilled cheese?” She slowly ran a hand across her forehead. How had he obtained cheese? Was this going to cost more gel packs? “Thank you, Neelix, but I’m really not very hungry right now.”

From "...and Then There Was" on AO3. Must be logged in to read because AI scraping.

In 2015 Obergefell v. Hodges happened, and my long-term partner and I decided we needed to get married before SCOTUS changed their mind or Congress decided to do something worse than what was already happening to same-sex couples' rights in the United States.

We lived in Texas, so we had to go to Iowa to get married. That was the closest state to us that allowed same-sex marriage.

On the third weekend of November, we drove 13 hours to get married by a Justice of the Peace in a town named after a piece of furniture. We spend out honeymoon celebrating Thanksgiving with an Orthodox Jewish family who was also celebrating Hannukah at the same time.

His friend was in pain. His captain was performing within acceptable parameters. He and his colleague truly had no viable reason to confront their captain regarding her behavior as there was nothing wrong, from a superficial standpoint. However, the young woman standing before him could theoretical do something to start the chain that could help his friend.

From "...and Then There Was" on AO3. Must be logged in to read because AI scraping.

“Then, this morning,” B’Elanna continued on, ignoring the men as they rose to head to the replicators, “Tom had a rotation in Sick Bay, and, Seven, I think you need to know what happened last night with the captain.” Something inside the blonde went very still. She couldn’t place it, couldn’t describe it with words or pictures, but she knew it signified an alertness she only experienced when she knew Captain Janeway was in danger. Her body stilled, eyes focused on the engineer, and, for a moment in time, she stopped breathing. Nothing was more important than whatever information was about to be revealed.

From "...and Then There Was" on AO3. Must be logged in to read because AI scraping.

...she frowned, a scowl sinking into her usually cool expression, “I don’t understand how those things justify an assumption of romantic interest.” “I see.” He hated that Talaxian. He really did, the annoying little hedgehog. “I think, perhaps, what he’s referencing is something many on board the ship interpret as more intensive than what they assume would be for a mentor/protégé relationship such as what you and the captain have.” He held a hand up to stop her questions...

From "...and Then There Was" on AO3. Must be logged in to read because AI scraping.

She never forgave them for making that choice for her, and she never forgave herself for not being able to find a way to save them. If she’d been a better office, if she’d been quicker, smarter, more attentive to her duties, more attentive to the conditions on the planet, more aware, if she’d been more, maybe Justin and her father would still be alive. She had to be more because the idea of losing another person on her watch when she could’ve possibly saved them was something she would never be able to live through again. It had broken her. If not for Mark and her sister, she would still be broken. With shaking fingers, she tapped her remaining pip, lost in thought.

From "...and Then There Was" on AO3. Must be logged in to read because AI scraping.