Where to Drop the Knife

Jannik hits a clean shot, a lashing forehand that lands the ball deep in the ad court, grazing the line and lifting a wisp of white off the grass. The kick of the topspin dizzies the ball into the air. Carlos, out of position, jumps and lunges toward it, throwing all of his weight forward. Jannik can tell he’s going to miss. He’s already turning to his team, one fist raised, when the ball whizzes past Carlos’s outstretched racket. He doesn’t see Carlos land. He doesn’t see him collapse into the dirt. He hears a crack, like a heavy tree branch, snapping in a windstorm. He only looks back when Carlos starts screaming.

To Quietude, or Maybe Gratitude

For a suspended, surreal second, the Spanish clay is July-grass green. The spray of crushed brick underfoot is a wisp of white lifted off the grass—titanium dioxide, a groundskeeper told Jannik once, painted on with a transfer wheel every morning. It’s Wimbledon, and Carlos is falling. Jannik hears a muted thump. He watches the ball connect with Carlos’s outstretched racket. Soft hands, a deft change of grip, and every ounce of pace melts from the ball. It bounces off Carlos’s strings, sails just over the net, and lands mere inches inside the opponent’s court. An impossible shot. Championship point. Jannik hears the clatter of Carlos’s racket dropping to the ground. But it must only be in his head, because the crowd is rising, roaring, all around him.

Where to Drop the Knife

Jannik hits a clean shot, a lashing forehand that lands the ball deep in the ad court, grazing the line and lifting a wisp of white off the grass. The kick of the topspin dizzies the ball into the air. Carlos, out of position, jumps and lunges toward it, throwing all of his weight forward. Jannik can tell he’s going to miss. He’s already turning to his team, one fist raised, when the ball whizzes past Carlos’s outstretched racket. He doesn’t see Carlos land. He doesn’t see him collapse into the dirt. He hears a crack, like a heavy tree branch, snapping in a windstorm. He only looks back when Carlos starts screaming.

Where to Drop the Knife

Jannik hits a clean shot, a lashing forehand that lands the ball deep in the ad court, grazing the line and lifting a wisp of white off the grass. The kick of the topspin dizzies the ball into the air. Carlos, out of position, jumps and lunges toward it, throwing all of his weight forward. Jannik can tell he’s going to miss. He’s already turning to his team, one fist raised, when the ball whizzes past Carlos’s outstretched racket. He doesn’t see Carlos land. He doesn’t see him collapse into the dirt. He hears a crack, like a heavy tree branch, snapping in a windstorm. He only looks back when Carlos starts screaming.

Where to Drop the Knife

Jannik hits a clean shot, a lashing forehand that lands the ball deep in the ad court, grazing the line and lifting a wisp of white off the grass. The kick of the topspin dizzies the ball into the air. Carlos, out of position, jumps and lunges toward it, throwing all of his weight forward. Jannik can tell he’s going to miss. He’s already turning to his team, one fist raised, when the ball whizzes past Carlos’s outstretched racket. He doesn’t see Carlos land. He doesn’t see him collapse into the dirt. He hears a crack, like a heavy tree branch, snapping in a windstorm. He only looks back when Carlos starts screaming.

“ don’t go. stay. “

“ but you’re here, so stay. “

“ i don’t want to be alone tonight. “

“ just come over. “

“ let’s be alone together. “

“ i didn’t know where else to go. “

“ i don’t want us to be apart anymore. ever. “

“ i wouldn’t have called you if it wasn’t important. “

“ you can talk to me about anything. you know that, right? “

“ just… be honest with me, do you hate me? “

“ i could never hate you. not really. “

“ you’re my friend, but… sometimes i wish you were more than that. “

“ we’re not just friends. you know that. “

“ i think i’m falling in love with you. “

“ can i hold your hand? “

“ yeah, you’re in love with me. “

“ just hold me. “

“ things would be so much easier if we were honest with each other. “

“ why can’t you be honest with me? with yourself? “

“ maybe you could stay? just for tonight? “

“ it’s dark outside, and it’s raining. my arms are much safer. “

“ you can’t keep doing this. you can’t keep lying to yourself. “

“ i can’t keep lying to myself, or to you. it’s not fair on either of us. “

“ i think you should kiss me. “

“ kiss me like you mean it. “

“ just kiss me. “

“ you shouldn’t kiss me right now. “

“ look me in the eyes and tell me you love me. “

“ you can’t lie to me, you know. “

“ you know me better than anyone. you always have. “

“ you’re pretty amazing. you know that, right? “

“ you’re just… you’re extraordinary. “

“ you’re good to me, you know. really good. “

“ you’ve made me the happiest i’ve ever been. “

“ i don’t know what i would have done if you weren’t here. “

“ our love can conquer anything. “

“ and for many generations to come, our love story will live on. “

“ i want you to marry me. “

“ if you asked me to marry you tomorrow, i’d say yes. “ “ what about today? “

“ marry me, name. marry me and make me the luckiest [x] in the world. “

“ your kiss could mend a broken heart. “

“ are you going to kiss me again, or do i have to do it myself? “

“ i could cry, that’s how much i love you. “

“ you’re worthy of my love. “

“ truth is that i’m so damn in love with you that i don’t know what to do with myself. “

“ maybe tonight, it’s you and me. “

“ i don’t know what the future holds. all i know is that i hope you’re in it. “

“ could you promise me one thing? “

“ promise me that we’ll be together, no matter what. “

“ it’s you and me, forever. no matter what. “

“ i didn’t want to tell you until i was sure, but… i’m pregnant. “

“ we’re going to be family! “

“ this baby, it’s the best thing that could ever have happened to us. “

“ i can’t believe this, we’re going to be parents! “

“ dance with me? “

“ may i have this dance? “

“ you’re my whole world, you know. “

“ don’t speak, just… kiss me. “

“ you have no idea how long i’ve been wanting to that. “

“ i’ve been wanting to tell you for so long… “

“ so… is this like, a thing now? “

“ i always miss you, even when you’re next to me. “

” i miss you. i miss you so much it hurts. ”

” i don’t want you to miss me. it’s tearing me apart. ”

“ you make me happier. “

“ i love waking up next to you. “

“ my favorite thing is falling asleep next to you. “

“ come cuddle with me. “

“ this is torture, isn’t it? “ “ not in the slightest. “

“ do you love me? “

“ could this be something more? “

“ move in with me. “

“ do you think we should move in together? you spend all your time here anyway. “

“ are you serious? i’ve had a crush on you for as long as i can remember. “

“ i know you’re in love with me. “

“ you’re really cute, you know. “

“ you’re so damn attractive. you know that right? “

“ if anybody were to kiss me, i would want that person to be you. “

[ settle ] sender sits on receiver's lap and gets comfortable

[ sling ] sender slings an arm around receiver's shoulder

[ pinch ] sender affectionately pinches receiver's cheek

[ ruffle ] sender ruffles receiver's hair

[ recline ] sender joins receiver on their chair and snuggles against them

[ hand ] sender takes receiver's hand while driving

[ knee ] sender lays a hand on receiver's leg while driving

[ clean ] sender reaches up to wipe something off receiver's face

[ tie ] sender adjusts receiver's tie

[ collar ] sender smooths out receiver's collar

[ tickle ] sender starts tickling receiver

[ piggyback ] sender gives receiver a piggyback ride

[ pick up ] sender scoops receiver up into their arms and holds them as they walk

[ guide ] sender places a hand on receiver's hip and guides them through a crowded room

[ smudge ] sender cleans lipstick off receiver's face

[ gun ] in the midst of a stand-off, sender reaches over and gently guides receiver's gun down, making them lower it

[ behind ] sender comes up to receiver from behind and wraps their arms around their waist

[ nuzzle ] sender leans in and nuzzles their face into receiver's neck

[ relax ] sender rests their head on receiver's shoulder while they talk

[ arms ] sender hooks their arm with receiver's as they walk

[ itch ] sender assists receiver with an itch they can't reach

[ catch ] receiver starts to fall, so sender reaches out and catches them

[ calm down ] sender pets receiver's hair and tries to soothe them after a scary situation

[ check ] sender checks receiver's temperature by placing the back of their hand against receiver's forehead, trying to see if they're sick

[ tuck ] sender tucks receiver into bed

[ feed ] sender offers a forkful of food out to receiver, helping them eat

[ undress ] sender helps receiver undress

[ shoes ] sender helps receiver put on their shoes

[ intent ] sender leans their forehead against receiver's

[ bathe ] sender helps receiver wash themselves in a bath

[ shower ] sender helps receiver wash themselves in a shower

[ assist ] sender finds receiver has fallen down, so they rush to their aid and help them stand again

[ bed ] sender helps receiver into bed

[ greet ] sender greets receiver with quick kisses to each of their cheeks

[ high five ] sender gives receiver a congratulatory high five

[ makeup ] sender helps receiver apply makeup

[ injury ] sender cleans receiver's wound and patches it up

[ seek ] sender reaches for receiver's hand and laces their fingers

[ surprise ] sender sneaks up behind receiver and places their hands over their eyes, wanting them to guess who it is