Malú

The fine line between love and trappment is something that haunts me. I fear falling in love with someone, and while our relationship develops, my interests and dreams will regress; I will lose sight of what has been there for me when no other living body was. My passion for art and the humanities will slowly be replaced by my commitment to my future with this person, and this keeps me up at night, for if it does happen and when it's no longer salvageable, I will live the rest of my life with resentment towards myself and my significant other.

I miss the feeling of having someone listen to me when everyone else doesn’t. Those moments where you’re talking and eventually you realize no one was really listening, and your voice begins to fade away into embarrassment, but looking over and seeing their gaze on you and the relief of being seen washes over you. The warm feeling of their hand around your waist, and the shallow breaths near the back of your head when you can’t tell the difference between reality and your dreams. Knowing that no matter what happens, they’ll always be there. someone to tell about the stupid minute things that you would’ve just kept to yourself because it wouldn’t have added to the conversation with anyone else. I feel insane trying to move on when I always compare everyone else to you.

At the end I do miss him as well as the feeling of tenderness acknowledgement without the begging desperation to be seen. It was an embrace that one would never want to pull away from.