Make Tea Not War

Current mood: Sad that I don’t have a rich vampire taking care of me financially in exchange for blood.

deleting my dating apps because i wanna meet someone the old fashioned way (he insults me at a ball and i overhear)

YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT

“I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.”

Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know

imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry”

Also, consider— people will know it’s you, but it doesn’t say they’ll know what you are. “So is Pete a 50 foot flamingo who changes into a man, or the other way around?” “We.. we don’t know. Barbara asked him once, but he just grinned. She said they weren’t the teeth of a human OR flamingo and she didn’t want to talk about it.”

Iconic post

This is legendary

ok but like the only difference here is if you dont press it you cant shapeshift. theres no loss in pressing it

i am too soft for this world but I’m only saying that because it hurts my hand to open water bottles

I’m a simple girl, is it too much to ask for a broody handsome suitor to stroll across a field, in the morning fog at dawn, to tell me that I’ve bewitched them body and soul, and that they love me and never wish to be parted from me from that day on.

trust your mother’s opinion on people

um. she married my dad

no joke, I’ve watched this about 30 times for sanity

When I first heard the quote I thought “this is the best pro-biden ad I’ve seen” and it cracks me up that someone in his campaign was like “let’s just use that as an ad”

@zombeesknees

I LAUGHED SO HARD I SAW STARS