Fanfic/Fandom Sideblog: Garnished With Nonsense

your son and presumed heir what’s-his-name has been kidnapped and is still at large. last you heard he was in the vale maybe? but you haven’t checked and you’re not planning to

this is low priority because your daughter (derogatory) has launched a coup to kill her drunk husband the king and seize power. she accidentally gets a two-for-one deal when her impulsive and suspiciously blond son has the second most powerful man in the country killed for shits and giggles on the steps of the westerosi vatican. now your house is fighting a five-front war.

Some moron apparently built a bot to annoy or prank hundreds of authors.

They are now also linking to a site they claim is able to scan works and tell you whether they were AI written or not, and that you should do that before reading a fic.

It should go without saying that you should not, under no circumstances, visit a site advertised in a spam comment.

In this case, I'd say there's even a chance that the "scanning" site is actually used to scrape fics and use them for future AI writing. What it definitely doesn't do is tell you whether something was AI written or not. That's a bullshit claim.

Don't use that site. Don't believe these spam comments, whether you get them on your own works or see them on someone else's.

Please, for the love of god, please don’t be this person. No matter how long it’s been since an update, no matter how many unfinished stories are sitting on their account, no matter what - do not be this person.

Not only is it insanely rude, but you also do more damage than you think be being such a self-entitled ass about something someone created for free and for fun. “This author” can see what you say.

I also got a glowing compliment on a fic and went into a flurry of writing, suddenly inspired, then by happenstance got a nasty, impatient comment on that same fic a few days and moved onto writing a different fic that didn’t have that associated annoyance.

Like. I am writing for fun. For me. I reread and enjoy my fics all the time because they’re exactly the story I want to read. I get the same enjoyment out of a fic wither or not anyone else ever sees it or knows it exists.

I’m sharing it for fun too.

The above examples have been provided with the authors' permission to demonstrate what these look like.

Basic rundown:

They are all 3 sentences long

Perfect grammar, capitalization, and punctuation

Like absolutely flawless English teacher-style writing with only a single exclamation mark, ever

No mentions whatsoever of character names, settings, situations, or anything that could be tied to the story

The usernames may be identical to people who exist on ao3, but the name is not clickable, and no profile is associated with it EXCEPT when you directly search for that name. What this means: the comments come from an unregistered (not logged in) reader, bots scrape the site for real usernames, attach that to the comment, and post

Please spread the word about this so authors can filter comments and report them accordingly

but it is very important to me that Brienne of Tarth is no-doubt-about-it, capital-U Ugly

AND it is very important to me that she wants a stereotypical, fairytale romance

AND it is very important to me that she wouldn’t know what to do if she ever got that stereotypical, fairytale romance, because she’s so used to wanting what society says she can’t have that she’s convinced herself she doesn’t want it

I’ve been stuffing so many fics into my brain. So so many fics. But here are the ones that have stuck with me (although seriously, check them all out, it’s in an incredible collection of talent). 

And let’s all give a (virtual) round to the organizers at @jaime-brienne-fic-exchange for once again putting this madness together.

Belated - My gift fic! Jaime and Brienne reconnect 15 years after she saved his life. It’s a WIP, but it’s perfect. Go read it.

A Small Patch of Sky - My second gift fic! This one is sci-fi adventure with some Mandalorian overtones. It’s great too, in an entirely a different way. Read it too. 

in this broken jaw of our lost kingdoms -  A 6+1 style story about Brienne and Jaime during the Long Night. Just gorgeous.

It is not in the stars - A Dune AU. The author somehow manages to condense the story down to the essentials, and then mixes it with JB. Stunning.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream - Jaime and Brienne fall in the love in their dreams. Gorgeous and romantic.

Climbing Mountains - They are lawyers, on different sides, but intrigued by the other just the same. A gorgeous dance.

The hot gold hush of noon - A trek through the Aussie wilderness, with lots of gorgeous imagery and breathtaking food descriptions.  

Safehouse - An intense one shot, where Jaime helps Brienne after she makes a *dark* choice. 

Funny Way of Showing It - A delightful outsider POV, Podrick this time, where he has no idea why two of his colleagues keep sniping at each other. 

however long the night, the dawn will break again - Jaime and Brienne are resistance fighters who fall in love. How can I resist? (I’ll see myself out)

A Different Choice - After Jaime’s death, he’s granted a chance to take the road not traveled. A great what-if.

Coming Home from Lonely Places - During and after the war, they keep connecting, and then parting, until he has no memory of her at all. A sad and moving tale (but with a great ending).

Not Quite the Second Time - A long bath during the Long Night. So much yearning, so many feels.

Morning Boy - Jaime is jealous because he thinks Tommen likes Brienne more than him. It’s sweet, post-canon fic.

We begin to bend - An alternate POV canon era fic that is utterly delightful.

I know who you are now - Jaime swaps places with his 17 year old self, and then Brienne ties him to a bed when he tries to flee. It’s a fun cautionary tale about being nice to witches. Go check it out.

Those Who Favor Fire - Jaime lands on a hellish planet to rescue Brienne while she’s running from an epic monster. Orpheus and Eurydice in space, but with a happy ending.

The Girl Who Painted Lions - A twisty, moving magic tale that is best unspoiled. Just go read it. 

vellichor - Jaime, a violinist, falls for Brienne, a shy bookstore owner. It’s non-chronological story, and it’s so soft and romantic and moving too. 

to get to you and out of the cold - A love story at the end of the world. It’s not hopeless when there is still love.

linger on (your pale blue eyes) - A gorgeous and moving post LSH fic. 

dream deep heavy sleeper (dream light heavy heart) -  Five nights Jaime and Brienne break the Quiet Isle’s rules, and one night they don’t. It’s sweet and tender, and a little sexy too.

right here, forever - Mars! In a great twist on The Martian, Jaime and Brienne, who broke up 5 years earlier, are stranded on the red planet together, where they have to work together to survive. 

Second Hand News - Jaime decides to tell Brienne of Catelyn’s death. A soft but heartbreaking missing scene fic.

come in with the rain - When the wildfire explodes, a goddess saves his life and the city, then takes him on the run. A unique what-if. 

ain’t no one in this room alone - The Ted Lasso AU. It’s very much JB, so don’t worry, just read.

Ding Dong Ditch, Baby - Jaime, housesitting for Tyrion, discovers a baby on his doorstep and calls Tyrion’s editor, Brienne, over to help him. Delightful.

Half-Life - A gothic mystery surrounds Jaime, and Brienne takes it as her duty to solve it. A heartbreaker with a great ending. 

in the dark, I thought I saw you - Cersei falls in love with Brienne. It sounds like crack, but the author really examines what that would look like, in a canon setting no less. If you want a more nuanced Cersei, than look no further. 

four funerals (and a wedding) - Brienne is a mortician, and sadly, their lives keep intersecting. A stunning look at death and grief and life.

False Knights on the Road - Post ADWD, where Jaime and Brienne hit the road to find Sansa and collect children along the way. 

delicate in every way but one - A missing scene canon divergence that is so soft and true at the same time.

electric boogaloo - A truly unique fantasy AU. No spoilers, just read it.

Where I Cannot Stand - A Firefly AU. Jaime is the captain of a bunch of ruffians, and Brienne is a doctor with a mysterious package that needs transporting.

Put Your Emptiness to Melody - A younger Jaime, who’s recovering from a serious injury, moves in with Brienne, who is a decade older than him. It made me cry, dammit.

“…We’ve already had it.”