i thinkĀ āi wish platonic dates with friends were a thingā is another way of sayingĀ āi want a deep emotional intimacy.ā itās a new age. shallow friends are easy to find and hard to let go. the two of you can sit for coffee, talking about nothing, secretly texting under the table that you want to leave. she begs you to come to the party but abandons you once youāre through the door. he wonāt talk to you outside of class, wonāt even look at you even though two weeks ago you kissed.Ā
itās the age of the internet and our empathy is evolving. yes, isnāt long-distance now so easy. thereās a lot we have to be thankful for.
but thereās a lot thatās changing. thereās no words for the emotion you feel when someone is taking a picture with you that you know is only happening because they want to look fun and popular and youāre a prop; thereās no word for when you know itās because youāre uglier than them and it makes them look good - thereās no word for watching people socialize for social media credit. we know it happens. not justĀ āhang on let me take a picture of my food.ā not justĀ āiāve got to text my mom back, one sec.ā i mean that strange distance between two people who comment on each otherās posts but cannot connect in person. i mean you pour out your soul on twitter but then clam up in person. i mean internet loneliness; the sensation of 212 thousand followers and still so empty, knowing if the plane goes down, the ocean of the internet will wash out your memory.Ā
āi want a friend date,ā she says, and he snorts - you mean friends?
itās hard, sometimes. finding a best friend. when i was little i had an assignment about it. i remember crying in the hallway because i didnāt have one. everyone else in class did. i wrote about my shadow. i didnāt fit in. over the years iāve had a couple. one turned out pure evil. a few were my best friend but i wasnāt theirs, in the end. a lot just drifted from me until we were only friends by nostalgia, not connection. but i ached for the feeling of a best friend the whole time: the person you can be silent with, the person you can be wild with, the person you can be 100% yourself with.
we live in a society where romance is said to be the only space youāre allowed to really be close with someone. how many of us have said to make sure you marry your best friend. we know from dating that there exists a kind of connection we donāt always get in our friends - even a platonic one, a connection of spirit, a freedom of behavior.Ā
i get it. a platonic date sounds wonderful. itās not hurting anybody. letās both have three seconds where weāre honest with each other in a raw kind of way. itās terrifying. or we could just talk about whatās bothering you. iām also still fucked up about the avatar: the last airbender ending; i also donāt get katara and aang.Ā
itās about trust. about vulnerability. so yeah. maybe iāve done all kinds of platonic-date things. but iāve also had the opposite happen: the non-friend. someone you donāt want to cut out, not necessarily - but not someone you can tell your secrets to in the end. i think what weāre all asking for is to be less lonely. we want to get close to people, but we donāt want to seem like weāre hitting on somebody.Ā
come on out with me. weāll both dress up and drink wine and split the bill and talk about deep things. be best friends for a moment. lord knows i need one. what iām asking is for a quick moment of emotional intimacy. of reality. of not-just-here-for-the-party. i think a date sounds lovely.
