Eclectic Chaos

before dick and kisses

after dick no kisses

shane (a little tipsy) being cornered by a few fans at a bar one night and they ask him what’s the best thing about coming out, expecting him to say something motivating like self-expression and liberation and shane just goes

Idk why but i find this funny even tho i need context

I subscribed to UNNAMED STREAMING SERVICE a few days ago and gave the login info to all my friends, as one does, but one of them went in and turned on 2-factor authentication and set the phone number to her own cell phone, locking me out of the account

i was parked at the beach yesterday and a Real Biker Dude pulled up beside me. Like on a big handlebar motorcycle with his whole life packed onto it. a real rambling man. a son of the highways and byways. and he looked down at my mini-series purple e-bike and he was like "what a sweet little thing! how's it ride?" and we talked my e-bike specs. i said i liked his motorcycle and he was barely interested in talking about it except to tell me where he got it in case i ever want one. but he loved my little bike.

Hollanov canon au Shane gets outed but no one can identify the guy and they decide to hide ilya’s identity until they don’t have to worry about his Russian passport only now there are a bunch of men coming forward claiming to be the guy and so Shane has to state the guy who will remain anonymous is his long time partner and then guys online keep trying to convince him that they wouldn’t hide/to break up with that guy and Ilya is basically foaming at the mouth at this point.

Have we considered that between Ilya Slavanov and Mr. Autism 3000 this is probably how they look to the outside world even when they're as happy as can be 😭

crucially shane knows very well the telltale signs of ilya entering two pump chump mode (the slight rise of the pitch of his voice, the shaky grip on his hips, that one specific tone of groan) and it activates brat behaviour like a sleeper agent and while shane doesn’t typically talk much shit in bed, the moment he knows ilya is in it, he cannot stop talking ooh yeah baby want you to ruin that hole, want to feel you for days, no one fucks me like you do, you were made to make me cum baby

>‘this thing is too generic and tropey’