Huh?

don’t come near me. you’re just trying to domesticate me and it won’t work

Oh well. Guess I'll have to eat these pills wrapped in cheese all by my self.

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

people aren't even exaggerating indeed is literally like that. walmart attendant $13 an hour, target attendant $13 an hour, AI dick sucker $40 an hour, home depot attendant $13 an hour, guy who designs bullets that can only kill children $160k a year plus benefits, gas station manager $18 an hour

bojack horseman really treated hollyhock loosing a large amount weight from being secretly drugged as something bad and unhealthy and not as something with a silver lining bc she was now thin and then had her gain the weight back with no one making comments about how that was “unhealthy” and appropriately showed the fact that she was traumatized by the event and not secretly grateful other shows CAN NOT RELATE 

Would a baby elephant seal named Florp not grow up to be an adult elephant seal named Florp? Was Fuck not called Fuck prior to reaching adulthood?? I mean I’m no expert on elephant seal society but,,,,

This is true but I'm gonna be controversial for a second and say that I feel bad for jocks who get hit with The Injury™️too. The Injury™️ fucking sucks, man. Having something that everyone praised you for when you were young suddenly betray you and having to grapple with both a sudden loss of ability (whether it's something that can be recovered from or not) and figure out what your future looks like now that the one you had imagined for yourself (whether it was actually realistic or not) feels like it's been snatched away is brutal.

Yeah, like, maybe we shouldn't be shaming/making fun of people for either of these things!

as a child i assumed that martha’s vineyard was a fancy private vineyard owned by martha stewart and the reason rich people vacationed there was because they were friends with martha