ʙʟᴀɪɴᴇ ᴅᴇᴠᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅᴇʀꜱᴏɴ.

Anderson, huh? I’ve met your parents. Nice to meet you, too.

You have? Oh, wait -- now I know where I’ve heard your name before. You’re the mayor’s son, right?

No, I get the semi-permanently thing. Are you excited about the lottery? Or maybe excited isn’t the right word. I guess what I mean to say are you hoping to be in the next batch of matches?

Honestly? I’m not even sure at this point. I'll admit that I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic, and I’ve always dreamt of getting married one day. Just... not like this. But I know it’s going to happen, there’s no way to stop it, so I feel like I might as well just get it over with. Gosh, no, scratch that, I’m sorry -- 'get it over with’ sounds really awful, I don’t mean it like that. But... well, hopefully you get what I mean. What about you, if you don’t mind me asking? Are you going to enter the lottery?

But like you aren’t a Hobbit. You do know I will fight them right? Anyways B, how are you? How is it being back?

I’m good, thank you! I’m definitely going to need some time to adjust, but it’s good to see everyone again. How are you? What have you been up to?

It’s kind of overwhelming isn’t it? People are so aggressively Ohio, haha. 

It is! I just hope I’ll get used to it soon. How long have you been living here?

Well, look who it is! Of course not, you’re back in Lima where everybody thinks it’s still twenty years ago and nothing has changed even a little bit. Though, I’m a little confused about why someone called you a hobbit. 

It’s good to see you Blaine! How have you been? 

Because, according to them, I was ‘standing in the way’ and apparently that’s an excuse to make fun of my height.

The good ol’ Ohio welcome. Don’t worry, you’ll be speaking Midwestern in no time. 

Well, I’m not too sure about that. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to calling soda ‘pop’. 

It can be a bit jarring trying to reacclimate to Lima. After college, it was like moving into a whole new world all over again.

Gosh, I can imagine. I’ve visited my family here before, of course, but that was always just for a few days. Where did you go to college? 

In light of my admittedly low expectations of this dullard town, you can imagine my surprise when I opened up Grindr to find a handsome young lieutenant standing there. Unfortunately, that’s when it went downhill very fast. Old photo? A bit weird. Kind of resembles Hunter? More weird. Resembles our father? A lot more weird. 

Apparently James overheard some of the summer interns talking about Grindr and he made an account because — and to be clear, these are his words — he’s getting old and wants to stay hip with the kids…. I don’t think he realizes what he’s signed up for, or how gut-wrenchingly terrifying it is for a son to stumble on his father’s profile. Needless to say, I’m going to need a lot of vodka.

Oh my God, that’s mortifying. Are you going to tell him what Grindr is actually for, or are you going to let him find out the hard way? 

That sounds like the Ohio I know. It’s always so weird coming back here, isn’t it? Where have you been?

It is! I have to admit that I’m not too familiar with Lima just yet, as I’ve only been here to visit family. I just got back from New York City, so I’m currently experiencing a bit of a culture shock. 

Guys… Not to point fingers at anyone, but please stretch before trying to get freaky under the covers. The amount of sex related injuries I’ve been dealing with lately? Wild!

This is exactly one of those things that you think would only happen in movies... No, wait, scratch that. Now that I think of it, I actually think that I might have had a tiny muscle strain once. That definitely wasn’t bad enough to go see someone, though. I mean, what on earth do these people get up to?

That sure is Lima for you. Welcome back, though. I’m Sebastian Smythe.

It’s... something else, isn’t it? Thank you, Sebastian. It’s nice to meet you -- I’m Blaine Anderson. 

That’s a lot going on for being back for a year. So I’ll just say welcome back, and leave it at that. But are you here permanently or just passing through?

Thanks, I appreciate it. I’m... not entirely sure yet, to be honest. I’m here for the lottery, so... semi-permanently, I think? If that’s a thing? 

B i just snorted!!! Yeah considering the welcome I got was literally someone throwing a slushy at my car saying “I hate my life thanks for that!” I swear people think I am my father, like I have control over what happens here.

Oh wow, that sounds intense. I'm sorry that happened to you, Mercedes. Some people are honestly just exhausting to deal with. I guess being called a Hobbit wasn’t so bad after all.

Someone called you a Hobbit? But you aren’t even that short!?

Well, I am kind of short for a guy, I’m afraid... Thank you, though.