mentally, I'm here.

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@maraskywalkers
mentally, I'm here.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I must've blocked it out. 9-1-1, S09E15
vladimir nabokov’s first letter to his future wife, véra (26 july 1923)
i've aged a decade in the last two years
random personal life update:
my maternal grandmother who is in her 80s & has alzheimer's has moved in with us (I live with my parents).
it's been weird so far. she seems to think it's only temporary & that she'll eventually move back to her old place.
my mom is struggling a lot, not sure any of us are really equipped for what she might need but a nursing home isn't really an option right now. my grandmother refuses to go to one & they're so expensive & some of them are genuinely terrible places.
so I'm not really sure how to help but trying to figure it all out as we go I guess.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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sem-retired househusband bucky barnes is so important to me. bucky making breakfast when sam is out on his morning run so it's fresh & warm when he gets home. bucky tending to a garden because he wants to get his hands dirty with soil instead of blood, to know what it feels like to help things grow instead of die. bucky spending his afternoons doing local odd-jobs around town, fixing boats and mending fences. sitting out on the porch, the smell of the sea air and the soft breeze while he reads and rereads his, as sam fondly calls them, nerdy books. bucky stress baking when sam's on a long mission far away. buying ridiculous cat toys and expensive cat furniture and building a wholeass catio on the side of their house for alpine and figaro. bucky sleeping better when sam is home laying next to him and letting the cats curl up in sam's spot when he's away because it helps soothe the soft ache of missing him. learning how to make all of sam's favorite meals in secret so he can surprise him with a new one each time he comes home safely from a hard mission. recording any events in cass and aj's lives that sam might miss due to his captain america duties. bucky choosing how and when and where he gets to fight. bucky waiting in the wings of press conferences and speeches and public appearances because sam doesn't mind and saves all his softest smiles and sweetest kisses for when they're alone because that's how they both prefer it. bucky making a home with sam that's warm and loving and tender and silly and good, a home that's waiting for when sam is ready to pass on the shield and retire himself. semi-retired househusband bucky barnes is so important to me.
feel what it's like to be new [9-1-1 | Buddie]
11K words | explicit misunderstandings | coming out | accidental outing | getting together | first kiss | first time
feel what it's like to be new [on AO3]
Buck isn't the first person he tells. That's Chris, and he stands by that one. He's practicing honesty with his kid. It doesn't come easy to him, but he tries. Buck would understand. Buck will understand, when Eddie tells him, which he will.
Chris is the first living person he tells. Technically, actually, the first person he tells is Shannon.
The cemetery she's buried in is a nice place. Full of trees, green grass, well-maintained. He tries to come here with Chris at least once a month, and so far, at least, Chris hasn't balked, hasn't complained about spending a few hours eating a picnic lunch or dinner or takeout picked up on the way and talking to a woman who'll never talk back again.
This time, Eddie comes alone. He brings a batch of coyotas wrapped in paper—Shannon's favorite of the sweets his abuela used to send them. She always liked Shannon better than his parents did, part of the ongoing battle of wills between her and his mom. He'll stop by her grave today, too, kiss his fingers to the cold stone and imagine that she knows he's here. For now, he sits cross-legged in the grass, in the bright warm hum of a summer morning, facing his wife's headstone.
Ex-wife, he imagines her saying to him, dry and laughing. They never did get to have that ending, the one they both survived.
(Continue reading on AO3)
Coruscant | Jedi Survivor
still thinking about Jedi 3
like it's a little thing but in january of 2029 i'm gonna remember how all the hollywood movies of this era starting featuring solely straight white characters as their leads and supporting casts. i'm gonna remember the superstores that cut their pride collections and stopped putting up black history month displays at the ends of aisle. i'm gonna remember the multiple massive tech companies i worked for that killed their ERG/DEI programs and banned any social media posts about first-gen college students or women in tech. i'm gonna remember the car commerical narration that became less about the car and more about how america is for only the elite few who can "handle it'". when we've got some normie tim walz type installed in the oval office and congress is running hague-lite trials on ice agents and all these gigantic, impossibly rich entities rush back to pretending they always cared about doing the right thing and believed in the inevitable drumbeat of progress, i'm gonna remember they were the few institutions who could've survived taking a stand and didn't. they hurt our culture for the worst because they were scared of losing a tax break from a nazi wannabe fascist

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I think the only thing I really want re: buddie is Chim being the one to talk to Eddie about it once Eddie figures it out. I want Chim to get to knowingly ask Eddie if he loves Buck, and to not wait if he does. Everything else would just be sprinkles
#PLEASE#let chim be like 'this guy i know once told me that tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. if you love him you should tell him'#eddie (choked up but pretending not to be): sounds like a smart guy#chim: he has his moments <- @glorious-spoon
Yes, yes exactly this!!!!! And if they’re sitting at the firehouse kitchen table (Chim’s new office apparently), it’ll also parallel the Bobby & Eddie conversation after Shannon died, featuring the return of Eddie’s scrunched up crying-not crying face from his captain smartly but oh so gently being there and getting it, because he was once there, too
oh my god I just saw the cutest thing in the world. little Black girl with beads in her hair for the first day of school and the beads were pink then silver then a bunch of yellow then beige then grey to make them look like pencils 🥺🥺🥺 brb I will draw an artist’s rendition
^ like this. waaaaaugh 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Debating silently showing this to one of the flight attendants while boarding
I SHOWED IT TO MY FLIGHT ATTENDANT WHEN HE GAVE ME MY COOKIES AND HE LAUGHED SO HARD HE TOOK MY PHONE TO SHOW IT TO THE OTHER FLIGHT ATTENDANT
I don’t know how you got a good grade in being a passenger on an airline but that’s a totally normal thing to achieve and I’m not seething with jealousy at all.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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me when i FUCKING get you *image of two mourning doves cuddling*
used to think it terribly silly (and kinda funny) when fantasy or sci-fi stories would have people refer to major recent historical events as The Flood or The Incident or The Revolution, and im sure historians fucking hate that because it's not helpful or descriptive, but we sure do be calling it The Pandemic
Also the new linguistic quirk of just saying “it was 2020” as like. The full end of a story. You say “it was 2020” and everyone knows what you mean.
“I was going to get my masters degree but then it was 2020, so yeah”
“I was cast in a play and then it was 2020”
“my boyfriend proposed but then it was 2020”