Lost in space

It’s not for you.

“Why would anyone get a hairdryer holder, just use your hands to hold it.”

It’s not for you.

“Portable collapsible stools are proof of how lazy this generation is getting.”

It’s not for you.

“A chord assist for a guitar? Why don’t people just use their fingers like everyone else?”

IT’S NOT FOR YOU.

Sharing verified/researched information online and getting myself more educated on stuff like politics, or history, or activist movements is about all I can manage, along with things like signing petitions and emailing my representatives. I do what I am capable of when I am capable.

A lot of you sound like you would feed me to the fucking fascists yourselves just so you can keep your perception of being the Correct Kind of activist.

please please please i wish people cared about people with ID/DD

that's intellectual and developmental disabilities

and autism IS a developmental disability (a big portion of people with which are also sorely underrepresented anywhere, and even often pushed out of "autism-friendly" spaces for various unfair and unreasonable reasons, like having symptoms in a way people don't like- bluntness or being too excitable or not knowing things or not knowing what is and isn't appropriate to say or taking things to heart, or for being highly symptomatic and/or higher support needs and talking about it) but i mean developmental disability that is especially like this, but it's hard for me to articulate, like a bunch of different colors of paint sloshed together in a bucket:

you get chromosomal or genetic conditions which cause unique facial features and sociocognitive profiles like williams syndrome and fragile x syndrome, neuromuscular or neurological conditions like cerebral palsy and muscular dystrophy, then all of the physical disability and illness that comes from those or can be caused by those as a "complication", like scoliosis and lordosis and kyphosis especially, possible intellectual disability, possible autism or adhd, possible learning disability/learning disabilities, possible cognitive disability especially brain damage, possible eating disorders, possible speech disorder/s, possible seizure or tic disorders, possible ocd, possible other mental illnesses, possible allergies, intolerances, and skin conditions, possible vision and/or hearing issues especially strabismus, gait and limb differences, frequent infections and illnesses, and a lot lot lot lot more, some of us even just have a whole lot of birth defects for no real reason

all together in one person

and it's a lot of people who are like this. a lot more people than people think. we're not rare

but i don't see people talk about it

and even, i think a lot of disabled people feel repulsed by us, that they feel like we're "not the same thing as them"

and every time somebody DOES talk about symptoms that can happen with ID/DD there's pushback, people say, "no, they know what they're doing and that it's wrong/inappropriate/annoying/rude and they're just using disability as an excuse", people think that everything ID/DD people do is deliberate and calculated

we get alienated and isolated, even though we didn't do anything wrong. we get singled out for "being disabled wrong" by other disabled people, they don't want to be associated with us, but abled people don't want to be around us either. we get avoided and ignored for being "weird" or "creepy" or "annoying" or "immature". people don't even think of our existence, and if they're told about it, they contest it, they don't think anyone can just not be totally aware, or not be able to learn or do certain things at all whatsoever, they don't understand or care that someone could genuinely not understand and not be able to understand certain concepts like boundaries, consequences, good and bad, theory of mind, and what is and isn't appropriate to say or do. they don't think anyone can be... genuinely disabled?

i just want acceptance for all of me and the people i grew up with and the people i care about so so so bad

people still make fun of strabismus all the time, it's impossible to avoid, it's in deltarune multiple times, it's in dungeon meshi multiple times, that spongebob meme, the crazy emoji, memes random people do of their characters or sonas, or speech impediments, there's a streamer i watched and she does this voice and i can't enjoy it when she does that because that sounds like me, the speech is "simple" and the things she says makes no sense and she slurs when she does it. homestar runner sounds like people i knew growing up. roulxs kaard's lisp is just a joke to people and to toby maybe. brain damage and intellectual disability are just a joke to everyone, even to socially conscious people who care about ableism, and it's not fucking fair, why are we always, always, always the acceptable target of mockery and why don't people ever THINK about it

Evidence of child parts.  At times, you feel small and your body language young, whatever your chronological age.  Sometimes you suddenly lose the ability to speak, worry a lot about being rejected and abandoned, have difficulty being alone, or need help in accomplishing basic activities (e.g. shopping, cooking, driving, turning on the computer).

Patterns of indecision.  You find it difficult to make even small, everyday decisions and to commit to activities, relationships, or jobs.  You may have noticed a pattern of committing and then changing your mind or starting out a new job or relationship very easily, then having things fall apart.  You are sometimes very responsible, especially to others, and at other times very irresponsible, usually to yourself.

Patterns of self-destructive and addictive behavior.  Despite your commitment to your family or job or to living, you find yourself engaging in behavior that you would never choose.  For example, your Going On with Normal Life self might swear not to do any more binge-eating at night–and then, hours later, you might find yourself halfway through a pint of ice cream.

Difficulty “being here, now–in the present moment.”  While your Going On with Normal Life self tries to avoid thinking about the past, the trauma-related parts are chronically preoccupied with danger, fearful, angry, sad, or lonely.

Difficulty soothing or even managing the overwhelming emotions and impulses of the parts.  Even when your normal life is a very safe and stable one, trauma-related parts may interpret traumatic triggers as signs that they are in the same danger of being annihilated, humiliated, or abandoned as they were in childhood.

as well as this other poem inspired by giovanni's

and this beautiful tweet

"there's no such thing as a good or bad thought", "your thoughts do not define your morality", etc = good, helpful, acknowledges the fact that thoughtcrime isn't real

“Cowbook! Like cowboy! No…Readcher? Like Rancher? No, fuck this is hard…”