tired but trying

just because you havent seen me post about The Character in a while doesn't mean i'm any less insane about them in private

i think a lot of poeple think of racism and sexism as something you have to actively opt in to perpetuate rather than something you have to continuously actively opt out of if you want to maybe help dismantle it

the reason most anti bullying psa's completely fail is because they fail to identify why people bully others, and fail to identify that kids actually do internalize oppressive structures REALLY early on. white kids understand that racialized kids are easy targets, and white teachers either fail to catch racism or are racist themselves. non-disabled kids understand that disabilities are easy to pick on, kids recognize the sissy archetype very early on, boys internalize that girls are lesser than them, kids notice they can take advantage of autistic behavior, and it flies under the radar cause teachers offer little to no support to marginalized kids or outright victim blame them. "ignoring bullies" is a model that assumes bullies just want attention. we should instead assume bullies are taking advantage of others.

"What if your mom aborted you?" idk what if my parents never met. what if my grandparents never met. what if my older sister was such a nightmare child that my parents decided one is enough. what if the world was made of pudding

what if my mom didn't abort the ectopic pregnancy she had before me and didn't survive to get pregnant with me in the first place

I also think. in the broad scheme of things. a lot of people pleasers (in the trauma-response sense) know full well that those behaviours Cause Problems. I’ve consented to medical procedures I didn’t want or was confused about out of a fear of upsetting authority (doctors). I’ve consented to sex I didn’t want. I’ve ended up in situations where I’ve been burnt out and overworked and still can’t say ‘no’ to someone when they ask me to take on yet another responsibility. in none of those situations have I walked away going “yeah that was fine and healthy, no problems at all”. mostly I walk away going “jesus fuck I need to sort out this shit and snap out of it”. but it also so happens that moving on from a trauma response that develops over a lifetime.. well that doesn’t just happen overnight. and it can’t be snapped out of just by being told “hey so it actually makes other people mad at you when you fearfully try and please them all the time”. lol

“people pleasers are all manipulative self-martyring assholes who need to get a grip” people pleasing is a pattern of behaviour that develops as a fear response because of what has happened when you’ve failed to please others. and sure this can be detrimental to being able to have healthy relationships as an adult and it should be something that is slowly worked on over time. but let’s not pretend every people pleaser on the planet is doing it because they’re sick and twisted on purpose

i love how every time theres some grand heist its not that the robbers were intelligent and planned for everything its that the password to the security was the name of the fucking building.