Damned if I do and Bored if I don't

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

but I know... it's my own damn fault...

He was tortured and beaten by the ogre

He was beaten and punished by the ogre

He was punished and pummelled by the ogre

He was pummelled and tormented by the ogre

He was tormented and injured by the ogre

He was injured and hurt by the ogre

He was hurt and broken by the ogre

He was broken and damaged by the ogre

He was damaged and harmed by the ogre

He was loved and cuddled by the ogre as part of their BDSM aftercare

Didn't happen. He was harmed and attacked by the ogre

"hear me out" and it's a picture of the most fuckable building you've ever seen. c'mon now.

“hear me out” and it’s the fucking dildopolis

Putting the term "Catholic guilt" on a high shelf where fandom can't reach it until everyone learns how to identify characters who are very very clearly coded as Protestant.