Damned if I do and Bored if I don't

the thing is, stephen king is generally pretty good at creating complex, well-rounded characters, which makes it all the more jarring when one of those characters abruptly comes out with what i'll term a "kingism". i don't know how best to define a kingism other than "you'll know it when you see it". it's the voice of the author intruding on the voice of the character, and in this case the voice of the author has a bad sense of humour and is ravenously, inexplicably horny

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

eyes emoji was the perfect invention for nosy people. like 👀 whats going on over here 👀👀 i just wanna know #LetMeKnow 👀👀👀

Ok everyone let’s think beautiful thoughts about masculine women today.

unclear. adj. of or pertaining to an uncle

When a coked out hateful bitch meets a bipolar gay man it can either be the start of something beautiful or the end of a nation

as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine

they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws

I think we need to let villains be camp again. “Ohhhhh it’s homophobic to always have the villain be camp!” Okay but it’s been like. So boring without them.

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