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- I've been meaning to make a post on this for a few days now, but ive managed to hold it back a little longer.
As a first comment, with what I'm about to say I am in no way asking for pity; this is simply how things have been as of late, and I just want to tell you guys instead of just outright going silent for a period of time.
From a general overview, I no longer enjoy writing as much as I once did. I don't want to just leave it at that because it is far from being the only reason that may push this blog into an indefinite hiatus. But, to place down a first point, writing has become a sort of...duty, in the sense that I feel that I need to post these writings on a fairly regular schedule.
Now, I know what many of you might say - and some have even said: don't overwork yourself or feel pressured to write. Truthfully, I wish I could; I really do. But on the other side of the coin that represents recognition amongst the fandom, for me there's almost an obligation to have to continue writing, to fulfil all these wonderful requests from people I adore and care for more than anything.
It's overwhelming. Some might say "Belle, you've gotten this far, just do it", and to that I say I wish I could. However, writing out of obligation shows in what is posted, it shows that no interest is being put in and the quality considerably decreases. The last thing I want to do is botch everyone's requests just because I feel that I need to do them, whether or not they're well written.
This is simply something that has happened to me before, so it comes as no surprise for me, personally. However, despite this repetition of circumstances, I still feel horrible about myself, disappointed to the extent that I don't even feel that I should be part of this fandom after losing interest in writing for it.
Another point in this - and this may come off as harsh, but in no way is this my intention - is the rise of people in the fandom. In no way am I considering the increase of fans as something negative; in fact, this brings along new writers.
Now, the problem here is that I see all these wonderful, new, fresh writers and think "Wow...you are all doing so amazingly and receiving the recognition you deserve", which is something I wish for any writer. However, this makes me want to leave space for these new writers, to leave behind the posts I've made and let the new, amazing authors take over because it's what they truly deserve.
I mean, I'm sure many have gotten tired of seeing my writing style all the time, and for that I believe I should step down from the blog until further notice - though, the possibility stands that this return may never happen.
And, finally, my personal state. I'm grateful for being somewhat stable when it comes to my wellbeing; however, I have noticed a spike in the way I feel every time that I come on here. I feel extremely anxious - unwelcomed, even, at times - and it destroys my motivation to get back on my keyboard and write for all of you.
As materialistic as this may sound, I start to get worried over the notes I receive, how well a post does, what you guys think of it, etc. To put it simply, for everything that I post I have to try and keep myself from stressing over the amount of notifications because I've fallen into a mindset that if one of them doesn't get X amount of notes, my writing is bad.
And it's damaging, exhausting; I'm sure you guys can get a slight idea of how this just doesn't sit well on somebody. Especially since this hasn't been cause by another person, it's all because of me.
It's all because of me; I haven't been able to integrate myself in the fandom either. I see so many authors interacting with each other - the most wonderful sight one could ever witness - whilst I'm stuck on my writings, losing contact with everyone because I have to do these requests, I have to get them done. And I just wish I could communicate more with everyone; but this is all on me, at the end of the day.
It is doing anything but good to me, and there are days where I simply want to delete the blog and erase all of those anxious feelings, because it's the only way I can think of that would work. But I don't want to do that, because I want to let others enjoy what little work I've done up until now and because I care for you all so, so much.
It pains me to have to say this, but I'm going to have to take a break. No requests shall be deleted, forgotten or even ignored; they will all stay safely in my inbox until the time comes around that I feel able enough to do them justice.
With that, I leave you all with wishes that you take care of yourselves, to be the best version of yourselves each and every day and that you all mean the world to me. I'm so sorry that I'm doing this to you all.
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this is a continuation from this post. if you would like to read the first half that puts into context the situation, be sure to check it out ! โก
Smiley
"Nahoya!"
Sat only a few spots away from you, the notorious, smiling delinquent beamed up as he saw that the bottle had, indeed, landed on him. Next to him, Mitsuya gave his shoulder a knowing pat, almost as if he were hyping him up for some sort of brawl
You were most definitely not about to fight the oldest twin in the closet, though. Everybody was well aware of the strength that both brothers brought on their backs, so it was never a wise move to go against them unless you were purposely looking to get absolutely busted up by the end of it.
But that wasn't your intention today - or ever, for that matter. The pink-haired member was quick on his feet, heading over to the closet before you had even complied with Yuzuha's encouraging words and gestures, telling you that everything was going to go a-okay
Doubtful, you thought. Who knows was could come out of this?
Setting aside the growing knot in your stomach, you made your way over the wooden piece of furniture, glancing over momentarily at Nahoya's gleeful expression. How he always kept such high spirits...one may never know.
Your hands almost didn't feel real as you pulled the door open; it was as though the nerves inside of you were making your actions seem dizzy-like.
There was no way you could remain calm, really. Being stuck inside such a small space for a good 7 minutes with the person you had shamelessly been growing feelings for was far from a typical situation.
Nevertheless, you pushed yourself into the dark closet, followed closely by the twin. Baji shouted out as soon as the door closed, informing everyone that the seven minutes had, indeed, started. Now, you just had to wait.
You could feel him, his presence not too far away from you. If you stretched out your hand, even just slightly, it would come in contact with his chest. It was probably not borderline heaving like your own, as you could hear his steady breaths in the silence that surrounded the two of you.
Damn, this was awkward-
"Y'know, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to"
It was uncanny how you could hear the smile in his voice, a happy tone weaving through each word as he spoke. It caught you slightly off guard, to which it took you a few seconds to compose yourself.
"No, I...I mean, I don't mind"
What were you even thinking? Way to go and just admit to wanting to be involved with him, Y/N
As you ate away at your thoughts, a soft chuckle was heard a little closer than his voice had seemed.
The dim light that filtered in through the crack of the closet was enough to now show you his face, lips curled up into a smile as he looked down at you.
Giving him a sheepish smile, you waited for him to say something - that is if he was going to say anything.
"You don't mind? Gee, Y/N, I would've never expected you to be so straightforward, huh"
You sucked in a breath at his words, shoulders coming up as you realised that he had picked up on your not-so-subtle confession.
Now your fate laid in his hands, and you were just preparing yourself to be mocked for the remaining minutes on the clock that you had with him.
As though in defeat, you lowered your head, not wanting to look at his expression any longer. If he was going to make fun of you, you'd much rather not have to associate his kind smile with it.
"Hey, I never said I did mind. Don't let your hopes down already, babes"
The nickname registered in your head as though you had been hit by lightning. What did he just call you?
You shot your head back up as an immediate reaction, stunned by what he had just carelessly said. Surely he just called everyone that...right?
"I mean, I'm not...I just didn't think that, y'know, you'd-"
"I figured the hints weren't getting to you"
You truly didn't know what to do with him at this point. What on earth was he blabbering on about?
"Gah, you're too oblivious for your own good. Do you really think I'd be this pleased to be in a stuffy, old closet like this if it were with just another one of my buddies?"
There was no doubt that your face was picture-worthy at that moment. Hints? Oblivious? But you had always been looking out for little signs that perhaps he wanted to get to know you better...
"I know I'm no romantic like some of the other guys, but I thought you'd at least get something through that little head of yours"
"You weren't obvious enough with it, then"
It was now his turn to be taken back, having finally found your voice to tell him the truth. How were you supposed to know that the interest was mutual if he smiles at quite literally everybody?
However, unlike your first reaction, Nahoya was quick to bring back his smile, taking a step towards you. You weren't going to back away, so you kept your stance, waiting on what he was planning on doing.
"Obvious enough? What would you suggest I do then, hm?"
You weren't too sure where all this confidence had come from; you could only guess it was from knowing that you were one-upping none other than one of the Kawata twins.
He had a flaw you had just proudly unveiled: he couldn't flirt for the life of him.
"I don't know; you should know if you're so sure that your tactics work, don't you think?"
Looking up to him, you noticed him cock his head back slightly, tilting it to the side. It was the expression he'd show when confronted with someone posing a competition, almost as if he were trying to intimidate them. He knew what you were doing and he, too, wasn't about to back down from anything.
"Oh, you really don't know what game you're playing here, doll"
What harm was there to continue playing?
"Show me then"
An amused hum escaped his throat, and you only caught a glance of his cocky smile before you felt his lips crash onto yours.
You had followed his movements almost in an instant, the prickling feeling of wanting to show him that you were far from shy when you got comfortable.
Where had all of your initial nerves gone? Even you hadn't a clue.
You supposed that having him wrapped around you, lips intertwining as though you had done this countless times before, kind of knocked off the nerve-racking sensation.
Angling your head so you could bask yourself in the feeling of his chapped, yet skillful, lips move against yours, you could feel him backing you up into the wall behind you.
Your hands remained on his shirt, fabric being scrunched up in your grasp as you tried to bring him closer to you.
All the built-up needs were finally seeing the light of day, and you weren't about to let them go to waste
If he felt the same way, you were going to make the most of it
His hand had come up to rest on your neck, as though making sure you weren't about to pull away from him. You could tell he was just as hungry as you were.
Arms slipping up past his shoulders, neither of you had noticed the footsteps nearing the small closet. It wasn't until a bright, shining light flooded the inside that you broke away, shocked at the sudden intrusion
But, alas, the time had come to an end
"C'mon, you two, you can continue that somewhere else"
Mitsuya had been the one to open up, probably having beat Baji to it. Because of that, his surprise was far from everybody else's as soon as they noticed that the two of you were rather out of breath.
At the far end of the circle, Angry was sat with a look of slight shock on his face, but there was a clear sense of pride in it as he watched his brother waltz off with the person he had been ranting on about before the party had even started
Angry
"Souya!"
As the name was called out, a few voices were hushed down in an almost escalating manner, though the main commotion of the room was far from lost.
The decrease in volume was due to who was sat on the other end of the bottle; nobody had ever seen him get picked in the game
Sitting with his legs cross, Souya was peering down at the bottle, almost as though he were trying to make it move an inch so it would fall on his brother instead. His expression wasn't that of deception, but it was clear he was a little dubious in actually getting up to follow the game's rules
You, on the other hand, were almost left dumbfounded, wide eyes that quickly disappeared as you realised you probably shouldn't look so surprised. The selection had just been so...lucky, if one could say it was as such.
Never had you ever expected it to actually land on the angry-looking mouse that you had been trying to figure out how to get close to for quite some time now. He had always seemed to avoid involving himself too much when it came to friends, so you had almost lost all hope. Perhaps not all the odd were against you after all.
Yuzuha knew of your objective to built a sort of bond with the youngest twin, and she was being anything but subtle about shaking your arm to try and get you all motivated. It didn't particularly work, but you were able to get on your feet without a massive struggle.
You counted your steps as you made your way to the closet, Souya following not too far behind after having been hyped up by Hakkai from the other side of the circle.
Other than being nervous about being near him, you were more worried that the 7 minutes would be spent in utter silence. Now that is probably the worst one could ask for when playing the game.
Stepping inside the dark, little space, you pressed yourself up to the side of the closet, making sure to leave more than enough space for the one that followed. As though he were a presenter of a show, Baji announced the starting of the timer, and your surroundings quickly turned pitch black.
It took a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to the dim light that came in from the crack in the door; truth be told, you would have preferred if it had taken you longer as you were met with an almost fixed stare on behalf of Souya as soon as you could make out his figure.
Although it caught you off guard, it wasn't peculiar to see him like that. He had always been the more quiet twin out of the two, and it was the main reason you were met with such a difficulty when trying to speak to him.
Unsure if you were able to think of something adequate to say, you gave him a warm smile, humming as your lips turned up.
To your surprise, he was the first to speak up.
"I'm sorry"
It was far from what you had expected to hear coming from him and, quite frankly, you were left confused as you heard his sudden apology. Smile dropping from your face, your expression turned to that of a sympathetic one, wondering why the blue-haired individual before you had uttered out those words.
"What? Souya, why are you...sorry?"
It was strange. Being able to speak to him alone just as you were doing wasn't something frequent between delinquents; there would always be ruckus behind you and it wasn't unusual to not pick up what the other was hearing because of this.
But it was a perfect situation to check and see if he was alright. Perhaps he was uncomfortable, or simply just not having fun taking part in the game?
"I'm sure I'm the last person you want to be with in here"
Your heart sunk as you listened to his explanation. Last person? He was most definitely not; this was currently a perfect time to actually get to speak to him, something you had been trying to do for quite some time now.
"The other guys are much more fun than me...and confident, for that matter. Who'd want to be inside a closet with someone who's known for constantly having a bad temper?"
You had never seen this side of him. From what you could see through the darkness, his eyes were filled with what you could only describe as sorrow.
It was as if the mask he had been wearing - the strong and admirable Toman member - had slipped off as soon as he spoke. These were...his true feelings about himself.
"Souya, I...that's not true. I'm quite glad to be in here with you"
It pained you to see the younger twin sulk down to his most vulnerable state, especially around you...Did he simply feel comfortable around someone he knew he would never speak to again?
You didn't really know
"I highly doubt that, Y/N. I've seen you around, hanging out with those who always have smiles on their face; you're always so cheerful yourself, I'm just around to bring everyone's high hopes down when it comes to getting serious. It's all I've ever done"
Who had made him feel such a way?
"Now, I don't know what made you think like that but I can assure you...it's far from the truth. Your strong exterior is what you're known for, something admirable that not everybody has in the gangโ
โNot everyone has to be all smiles and joy to be a good person, and I just know you've got the biggest heart out of so many of us despite what you believe"
He was listening to you with all the attention he could give, softened eyes as he took in every word you said.
"It's...This may be a little embarrassing to admit, but I've been trying my best to get to know you better for some time now, I just never know if you would consider me someone enjoyable to be around with. The last thing I want is to be of a distraction or an annoyance"
Souya narrowed his eyes for a split second upon listening to what you said, but his face soon turned into one of confusion.
"What...What do you mean? I'm the one who's been trying to get closer to you, but I was worried you wouldn't want to be around me"
At his confession, you couldn't help but break into a smile, realising what had been going on this entire time.
"Wouldn't want to be around you? Souya, I...Gosh, I should've just told you sooner: I've been trying to be around you more, silly"
It would seem that the two of you had been holding on to the same intention whilst being completely oblivious to the fact that you both shared the same objective.
Neither of you had had the guts to come up to each other, and yet the feelings were coming out to be more than mutual.
"Really?"
"Mhm!"
Giving you a caring look, Souya hesitated for a split second to get closer to you.
Noticing what he was attempting to do, you took the initiative, wrapping your arms around him and bringing him into a much needed hug. You supposed it was the least you could do.
"You should've said something too, you know"
It was clear by the way he gripped onto the back of your shirt that he thought the same way.
Far from being an affectionate person, it seemed that he had pushed all his worries aside just to be near the person he had been almost pining over for a good few months by now.
And you were just as glad to be near him. Feeling a surge of confidence, you lifted your head away from his shoulder and tilted your head to give him a soft kiss to his cheek.
You could almost feel the heat radiating from his blushing skin as soon as you pulled away, and it only became more apparent as the door beside you opened up.
Followed by a rather obnoxious cheer from the crowd outside, Baji punched the air as he looked over at the older twin, a smile beaming on his face as he saw his brother finally get over his nerves when it came to you.
It was about time he mustered up the courage to speak to you, really.
Belle my bestie can i request some 7 minutes in heaven with Angry and Smiley? Pretty please? ๐๐
- hello there bestie bae loml, here is the request I have been dying to post just bc I know you're the number one kawata simp frfr. I do hope you like it and,,well ill be getting your reaction on dc so asjskks โก
The plan had been settled with ease, something unusual when it came to organising anything with the other Tenjiku members.
7pm sharp at the Haitani household; everyone was to bring their own snacks if they didn't want popcorn, and Izana was in charge of bringing the movie
Right off the bat, you were the first to arrive. Even being five minutes late, caused by you forgetting to lock up your house upon leaving, the two brothers were the only ones there.
Rindou wasn't even fully dressed yet, lazily treading his way from the bathroom to his room after having spent the afternoon napping
Ran had things a little more under control. Having been the one to open the door for you, he led you into the kitchen where he was preparing bowls of popcorn and drinks for the group.
It was no surprise that he was so organised: he had to take care of a younger brother, after all.
The second ones to knock on the door were Izana and Kaku, the first one with a few movies in his hand as he greeted you with a warm smile. The latter was carrying what looked to be a shopping bag, snacks peaking out from the top.
Their tardiness was a result of a quick stop at a nearby convenience store, in which Kaku couldn't help himself in grabbing a few bags of crisps and extra snacks for the side.
Nobody arrived as late as Sanzu, though. The clock ticking away at almost 7:30pm, the five of you were starting to debate on whether or not starting the movie without him, as he wasn't even answering his phone calls.
He eventually tripped up at the front door at quarter to 8, looking rather distressed as though he had just sprinted across the city.
It turned out that he had completely forgotten about the movie night and had ended up with some other guys at a bar before realising he was, indeed, missing out on his initial plans.
Luckily, though, he had brought some extra cushions from his own place and blankets that he had quickly shoved into a backpack before heading towards where you were all waiting for him.
Because of this, Ran had to leave the popcorn sat in the oven until he arrived - the inside still warm after he had made some brownies for all of you to try. He wasn't best pleased with the ex-Toman member showing up so late.
"Right, so shall we start the movie?"
Trying to get everyone sat down, with their respective popcorn bowls and drinks turned out to be more of a nightmare than you had expected.
Rindou decided to take up the longest part of the couch, huffing at the others when they gave him any remarks, saying that it was his house after all.
Next to him, you sat yourself down comfortably, followed by the older Haitani brother. On the arm chair sat Izana, hogging most of the cushions with the excuse of being sat alone and so, therefore, there was a lot of empty space to be filled
Kaku managed to squeeze himself with the three of you on the couch, basically laying on the arm rest as Ran wasn't exactly helpful at letting his friend sit in the spot, not budging from his initial position
And Sanzu, as he was the last one to arrive, took up a spot on the floor. He had asked you, without a single hint of embarrassment, if he could rest his head between your legs.
Although the question had been sudden, you were quite used to his teasing behaviour, and so you let him sit in front of you as long as he didn't try anything funny.
The movie choices Izana had brought didn't stray very far from a particular genre: horror. There were gory ones, others full of jump scares and even a cheesy one that was more on the comedic side rather than a frightening film.
You all narrowed it down to a jump scare one, after Kaku decided to search every single one of them up on IMDb.
And so, the movie started rolling. With the curtains pulled over the windows, you were all immersed in complete darkness, the only light being that from the television.
The first fifteen minutes were spent setting the scene, during which Sanzu couldn't keep his mouth shut and had to keep giving out his unwanted opinions on how the film was going to play out.
"Look at that basement; someone's going to die there, I'm calling it"
"That tree is way too close to the window, I bet it'll smash into it at one point"
Despite being hit by a pillow, he justified himself by saying that he was simply warning everyone for the possible jump scares, just as a good friend would. Needless to say, nobody was impressed by his commentating.
Luckily, though, as the scenes on the screen started turning darker, everyone in the room grew silent.
You could feel Rindou shift around next to you, bringing his legs up to his body as he sensed a jump scare coming up.
He didn't jump when there was one, but that was probably because his heart was already racing before it even happened.
Ran, on the other hand, seemed pretty immune to the scary shocks. In fact, he just used this as an opportunity to scoot closer to you, claiming that he was comforting you whenever you got scared because of the movie.
Surprisingly enough, Izana was the one to get the most scared. In spite of having been the one to bring the movie in the first place, one particularly scene caught him off guard and he let out the most high pitched yelp any of you had ever heard.
It was so unexpected that Kaku's popcorn fell to the floor after having almost leaped out of his skin at the leader's voice.
Truth be told, it had been more shocking than the actual scene, and you all couldn't help but break out into laughter, ruining the mood as Izana simply ignored everyone with a stubborn glare.
It wasn't his fault the damn movie was so scary.
Around twenty minutes before the movie finished, you heard a faint rumble just beside your legs.
Leaning over, you were met with a sleeping Sanzu, resting his head on your thigh as he was completely oblivious to what was going on in the movie.
Funnily enough, a lot of his predictions did come true; however, he was asleep when they occurred, and so he missed out on every single one of them.
None of you dared to tell him that they actually happened when he woke up, knowing that he would want to watch another one to make up for the one he just slept through.
Once the credits started rolling, you all let go of the tension you had been holding from the movie, some more than others.
Izana leaped up out of his seat, being the first one to leave the room as he picked up everyone's empty bowls. He was not about to get jump scared in the credits.
Ran was pretty comfortable with his arm around you, and it took you a good five minutes to budge him off so you could pick up the empty snack bags and wake Sanzu up, who was still dead to the world.
Rindou stretched out like a cat as soon as the lights were switched back on, courtesy of Kaku, who was trying to avoid the leader from letting out another yelp from either tripping over something or simply because of the dark.
The youngest Haitani remained immobile on the couch as everyone cleaned up, and you were positive he'd fall asleep in the strange position he had left himself in.
Laying on his stomach, his head was turn to the side whilst his arms and legs were stretched out beside his body. Frankly, he looked like he had died.
He was quick to get up, though, as soon as his brother smacked him around the head with a pillow, telling him to get up and pass the vacuum over the floor. He complied, but only after groaning in annoyance at Ran.
The night ended in take out, seeing as nobody was up for cooking after having been lazying around on the couch for a good two hours.
You all had to drag Sanzu out of the house by the end of the night as he was determined to sleep over with the brothers, despite having said that there was no room for you all to stay over.
It goes without saying that you would all repeat the night again, having spent a really fun time together as a group.
However, the next time would be held at somebody else's place; probably at Izana's, for the simple fact that he could just up and leave during the movie if he really wanted to and just lay in his own bed.
But that was for another day; another day spent with the fellow Tenjiku members
helloo ๐ฅฐ can i request scary movie night hcs with the Haitani brothers, Sanzu, Izana and Kakucho pleaase ๐ฅบ i know it's a lot, so feel free to chose who inspires you the most!! or ignore this request if it doesn't inspire you at all!! ๐
i really love your writing, thank you very much for all of your hard work!! ๐ฅฐ be well ๐
- hi there babes !! okay so,,kinda turned this one into a sort of group hcs with the tenjiku members, as I couldn't get myself to just not write for one of these bbies aksks; nevertheless, I do hope you like it bby cakes !! โก
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sometimes i find chifuyu too cute that i completely forget that hes in a literal gang at age 14
- tbh !! this is so true. just yesterday i was talking w a friend abt how theyโre all so young; and even so, they all have such strong personas, willpower if you must. theyโre so determined and never back down from anything. itโs rather admirable, to say the least โก
This is not a request but your s/o who's afraid of storm got me thinking that what if future mikey is still inlove with you and there is a bad storm?! He'll think of s/o if their dealing with their fear ok or if someone else is holding them like he used to :<
- gasp...he would though. i truly think that even if mikey breaks off a relationship with someone, they will forever hold a special place in his heart, as cheesy as that may sound. he will never forget abt them and, just as you said, things he associates them with will, without a doubt, remind him of them
i think if he still had connections with his ex-partner, he might call them up during a storm, just to check up on them. but if he happens to have cut ties completely - something he would do out of their safety, since he wouldnโt want them to be involved with him anymore if it meant they were in danger - heโd definitely sit and wonder if theyโre doing alright
very melancholic, to say the least. but mikey would be sure that a friend or even a new partner would be taking care of them; perhaps even better than he could have ever done
that baji general hcs ? I ALMOST CRIED PLS i love him so much :') i just wanna say thank you thank you thank you . lots of love<3 your writing is amazing! have a great day and stay healthy!
- pls omg no I donโt need any of you crying cmere ๐ญ let me give u a big big hug babes..youโre so vv welcome bb btw and thank you ;; โก this means so much to me i,,let me give you a kiss rq
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
โ Live Streamingโ Interactive Chatโ Private Showsโ HD Qualityโ Free Actions
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
I wanted to order the tokyo revengers manga, but I can only find it as e-book. I know that this is because of Kodanscha's "digital first" program. Does anyone know if i can buy it as an actuall book and where I can get it? (prefered someone that sells in europe)
Thank you :))
-๐ผ
- !!! leaving this here for all my wonderful followers, in case any of you can help this baby out !!!
