Now that's just a theory! A MatPat Discount theory!!!!

Im gonna keep call Jax as he/him. For a lotta reasons, I just don’t see this character as transfem at all: if you do, that’s totally your call. Personally, I see a messed-up kid crushed by masculine gender expectations.

Personally, I think he's a cis bi dude who came out to his mom about likin' guys, and tbh that's not even his main problem in the show.

"But he would've survived if he'd transitioned and become a girl!"

No???? Lol, like — he thought he killed his mom. He's convinced he caused the suicide of his maybe-girlfriend and one of his close friends. He spent years bullying other circus members. He pushed his mom away, ran from home, and carried that guilt for years!!!

Where do gender issues even come into this? He feels like he doesn't deserve love or care. He blames himself for everything — and honestly, he is guilty of a lot of what happened. Yeah, he's deeply traumatized by everything that went down in his family. But we can't keep blaming all our mistakes on someone hurting us or on having a bad family. And yeah, that doesn't mean his mom's a good person. She's awful, his parents are terrible people, and they deserve not to be loved.

(Sorry if this sounds confusing, I just don't wanna say he did everything out of pure malice, but like, we can't deny that he made mistakes, right?? I hope it's clear what I mean, lol.)

I don't really know how to phrase it. I can't fully blame him — but at the same time, we can't just say, "Oh, his mom hurt him and his friend died, so it's okay for him to bully Gangle" — no, that's not how it works. And maybe — just maybe — his chained door is actually this huge overwhelming guilt for everything he's done. Because we've seen inside his head: the sweet Jax playing piano, the sexist guy in a dress, the maniac, and the cartoonish Jax. So what if the Jax behind the chained door is the one who hates himself and is dying from guilt over all the things he's done?

Do I think anyone in this situation deserved to die? No. But I just don't see another way out for Jax. I mean, unless they made 15 seasons of him going to therapy and growing as a person — but there's NO THERAPIST in the circus. But like, that show already exists tbh — just go watch Hazbin Hotel.

Am I grieving his death? Absolutely. It ripped my heart out, I've been dying for two days now.

Do I think it's a good ending? Yeah. It's a good ending for a show that wasn't planning to continue. In a way, it's even kind of an open ending — we can still consume a ton of fanfics about de-abstraction.

I really loved how the show ended. It broke my heart, and I desperately wish Jax had survived and gotten to see how much the circus changed. Dang, just a couple more hours and he could've actually used his dick! JAX, YOU BLEW IT, COME BACK.