Venting. Its more of a ramble than anything coherent. Warning for mentions of digital stalking, sexual harassment, targeted harassment, and the idea that being associated with a bad person makes you just as bad as they are.
Sometimes I have severe panic attacks because so many people have this idea that having associated with a shitty person at all means that you're a shitty person, and that if you publicly "forgave them", there was no way that you were having your arm twisted.
Sometimes you associate with someone, find out they're shitty or just don't click, and then later people go "Oh but weren't you close? I bet you're shitty too :/" even if you clarify that no, actually, you weren't close and you had been moots for a month and had talked consistently for a week and a half where 90% of the conversations were them sexually caging you with "accidentally" reminding you that they can get accounts termed at the snap of their fingers due to their rabid fanbase or you desperately trying to calm them down because they were threatening to get people you knew termed. And no, you don't have evidence because when you finally got the courage to speak about it publicly (after a private convo had them deflect and accuse you of terrible things before blocking you) they got your account termed in such a way that you didn't even get an email from tumblr themselves, so all of the bullshit they put you through? Gone.
And then they proceeded to stalk you, lie about you, accuse you of sending them sexual asks and asks threatening to do traumatizing things, and then make an account where they pretended to be someone else entirely to then Scooby-Doo villain themselves and go "ACTUALLY IT WAS ME ALL ALONG". Which then made your already fractured personality fully split, because before? Before I was like a locket, two sides, someone in winter and someone else in summer and now I'm like if that locket was pulverized. To keep yourself from contemplating ending it all, you managed to forge a weak truce.
Later you had to stop being on this truce because they started threatening real people's lives. Even then, they started reblogging old posts of yours that you then elected to delete because they do not embody your current stances.
But still, people will look at me and say I'm two faced, when the only support I had was my real family (two people) and my best friend. No one else. The people who said they supported me would reblog that person's apologies. They're still getting people banned. They still falsely accuse me of sexual harassment yet refuse to say my name. I get so scared that my moots are just them playing a long con. I'm terrified daily and completely and utterly traumatized and it's humiliating.
Yet I'm just as bad. Even though I publicly have denounced this person multiple times. Even though I've made it more than clear that the second they attempted to harm real people, my own mental health was not a priority in my relation to them. Even though I've tried to share my story in such a way that I don't catch their attention. No. I'm just as bad, because this person assumes that being moots means you're best friends and just because they don't see kink as sexual, no one can. No I'm just as bad, because even though I told them straight up "no", them ignoring my boundaries should have been a sign for me to block them (and also I shouldn't have been worried even though multiple people have simply blocked them and woken up to their accounts termed.)
I'm not telling anyone who this person is, but I will say, they are currently harassing someone who is tangentially related to the things I talk about on here (aka a transandrophobe) and I wanted to say, just in case that person somehow sees this: you don't deserve any of the shit they're slinging your way. I don't agree with a lot of your political takes but no one deserves what you're being put through. And I hope you somehow manage to get that fucker permabanned because they've emotionally destroyed too many people.)
