i wake up more awake than ive ever been before

when you find someone who's equally unwell about The Character

[ID: Video. A trio of sheep walk past a church. The trio is made up of Lily, a Shetland sheep, Sebastian, a black Castlemilk Moorit sheep, and Mopple, a Merino sheep. The conversation between them is as follows:

can you imagine being a parent in the pokemon world and your kid comes home with one of those straight up basically human pokemon. i know those motherfuckers can talk.

Yesterday I gave my chickens leftover scraps (a treat for them, most days they get pellet food and what they forage in the yard) and one chicken ran up all excited and then stopped and looked at the scraps and just stood there and I was like "oh you don't want veggie scraps today? Are we picky today?" but then I saw her friend chicken run up and when she got there they ate scraps together.

"Claws like sharpened bananas shot toward me."

a lot of people are very angry with me over this, but I'd just like you to sit down and imagine a banana. maybe a green one so it's extra firm. if you need it to be harder, you can toss it in the freezer.

imagine you had a friend who constantly made jokes at the expense of something you loved. they're never funny, but they seem to expect you to laugh even though the punchline is just, "this thing you love sucks ass". it's not even really a joke, there's nothing funny about it, you can tell that they genuinely actually believe it. but they insist it's just a joke!

#actual advice: switch to self-aggrandizing humor #have the biggest ego in the world even if it's fake #does wonders

to give some entirely bizarre context, nigel farage (extreme cunt) has stepped down from his position as MP for clacton (due to a scandal where he received £5 million from a crypto billionaire that could have been laundered) only to run again so that he can prove people like him. and the only person running against him is count binface. who has been a staple of british politics for many years. and now the british press is forced to interview him seriously while he sits there with his binface.

For context Farage can't be prosecuted for this while not in office. His tactic is to be re-elected to show he is a man of the people beating all other parties (and therefore laws don't apply??). Other parties have chosen not to run ostensibly because it lends legitimacy to his stunt but more likely because it is a Reform stronghold and they are unlikely to challenge him anyway.

941.086

I think I know how this works.

Because, emotionally, they were still upset over the last one when the next one came into view.