I’m going on vacation. The hotel says no pets so you have to watch my captive while im gone ok. It gets 2 scoops dry food in the morning, 1 scoop dry and a can of wet at midday, and a salmon fillet at dinner. If you forget to feed it, it'll bite really really hard so don’t forget. If it gets mean there’s extra cuffs in the closet and a shocker hung up by its crate. Don’t listen to what it tells you. Don’t unlock the collar. Don’t take off the muzzle except for food. It gets 2 pink monsters a day if it’s being nice, they’re in the fridge. If it gets real mean there’s a pill bottle on the bathroom counter with a heart sharpied on the lid. Hold it by the jaw and force one pill down its throat until it swallows. That’ll keep it nice for a few hours.

The light inside an oven is crucial to getting breads to rise. Without the light inside simulating the sun, the bread can't tell which way is up, leaving it twisted and ruined.

🔍 how to convince the cursed amulet to stop using therapy speak

*this meeting could have been an email voice* this cgi could have been a puppet

shrikegirl sending you pictures of thorns with the caption "thinking of you"

oooooh i got plany of disk space

i had a dream that humans are actually a neotenic state like axolotls, but then one day something triggered like 1% of people to molt and it turned out that our fully mature form is giant predatory butterfly things. so you'd be out walking and all of a sudden an armored insect the size of a horse swoops down and carries off a deer and you're just like 'oh hey, I think that one used to be my boss. looks like she's doing well for herself.'