Hopeless With Technology (Yet Here I Am For Some Reason)

To me, her story is meant as a sort of cautionary tale about transness, and especially about staying in the closet for too long when you know that you're trans. It also relies heavily on the dilemn that many trans people face which is between being their true self (but risking being abandoned) or staying stuck into the perception that the others have of you (''I'm the funny one'').

As a trans person who's currently unable to transition, I need you to know that sometimes there's comfort with being stuck in such a position. Sure, there's even greater amounts of discomfort, but having to face people just to defend yourself everyday is hard and tiring, and knowing that telling people that you are trans could make you in life-threatening danger is even worse.

From what I've seen, that's mostly why some people choose to detransition. To not lose their loved ones, to stop the peer pressure from growing, for their safety... and that's also the main reason so many people have to wait to transition.

But on the other hand, not transitionning while knowing that you're trans makes you bitter. Sure, it doesn't not justify outright hate or malice towards others and yes, Jax was a problematic character whose transness do not absolve all that she's done, but it can explain some things about her.

She was evil and awful but maybe one day she'll get there

without words under the cut ooooooo

Ok very subjective opinion but: Even considering Caine's actions in episode 8, Caine is a significantly better person than Jax.

There was a reason the wifi is symbolized by a door, one Caine nearly stepped through but stopped at the last moment to look up the cast's real world selves instead.

Caine was faced with the same choice the cast was in episode 7. Escape the cage (that he was born into) and abandon those who could not escape to rot. Or stay with them.

Caine believed the humans hated him enough to kill him. He worked out that given the choice the humans would leave him behind and condemn him to isolation in this cage. He was still afraid of the humans and still had some resentful feelings towards them.

He still made the choice not to abandon them. He chose to stay. Caine used up the only chance of freedom he had ever encountered in his life, and used it up to try and understand the humans better as much as he could until it ran out. And this was a choice he made when no one was watching. Nobody would have ever even known if he chose to leave, because they thought he was dead,

How could have Caine possibly understood how small his world really is, when the circus is the place of most life and freedom he has ever lived in? How could he ever comprehend that simply just being in the circus was torment for humans when he has never had a fraction of what they remember living? Yet the second Caine finally grasps a fraction of understanding of that?

"I was irresponsible"

Jax never took accountability. Caine genuinely didn't understand how much he hurt the humans simply by making them live in his world and thus could not understand why no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried for 20 years, they were miserable enough that most of them chose death as an escape. But the moment he gets WHY, the moment he comprehends what he was doing wrong, he takes accountability. And despite that not being an easy decision either (he's still upset over being killed, he's scared the humans can kill him, he knows he will never have what the humans had and never know true freedom, he believes the cast will likely never forgive him), he goes back. He rushes back to fix his mistake and to try and give the humans the thing he now knows they need to thrive: Autonomy and Freedom to Choose. As much as he is able to give them in the limited world of the Circus.

And. For 20 years, Caine with his limited understanding, his fear, his resentment, alone and friendless, unappreciated, not seen or treated as a full person of equal worth to a human at any point in his life, very little ability to read emotions of himself or others, little in the way of taught skills in emotional maturity or regulation, utterly unchecked power…

And episode 8 seems to be the first time in his life Caine actually chose to use his power for deliberate malice. Can you see Jax doing that for 20 years? And Caine nearly stopped by himself after a few days, outright admitting he wasn't finding it fun. Being mean to the cast on purpose was giving the Creative AI artists block, it was taking away his creative spark. Caine does not actually enjoy sadism! It's just right as he was coming to his senses, Pomni and the cast went for the emotional jugular.

Not excusing what Caine did, ep 8 or otherwise. He was a control freak and he hurt a lot of people because of it. Indirectly was responsible for many abstracted people (despite never wanting it and actively trying to prevent it best he understood how). But unlike Jax who had so many reaching out for him, Alone and unprompted Caine started to think "Maybe I want to stop taking out my pain on others".And later, alone and of his own volition, without any emotional support or guidance, and at great personal cost used what he had to try and understand how to be better. And then acted on it.

Had Jax and Caine swapped places in the story, Jax would be so, so, so much worse than Caine ever was. And Caine would have been someone incredible, because he would had people caring about him and willing to help him from the start.

After all, even with so much stacked against him to care about anyone, despite having no idea how to really care: The choice Caine made here proves that Caine genuinely loves the humans. After all, Jax showed us that guilt alone is not enough. Nobody cared about Caine as a person for his whole life. The humans killed him and he was unmentioned and unthought of. Unmourned. While the cast looked upon their other tormentor's abstraction with pain and tears in their eyes.

Yet. Caine cared so, so much about the humans. He was willfully ignorant at times, and self-absorbed. But he really did love them best he knew how to for 20 years. Until being abandoned thrice over (once by the devs locking him away, once by the devs brainscan copys but Kinger all choosing death to escape Caine and the world be built for them, once by the second group of humans showing him that yes they would choose to condemn him to a hell of isolation again despite him trying so, so, so hard to finally be good enough for them) was simply too much to take and Caine finally could not take it anymore.

Ego and fear alone would not stay Caine's hand for 20 years. Those things certainly just pushed Jax to hurt people on purpose.

It was love. A love that did contain the capacity for self-sacrifice.

One is more poignant, keeps the stakes, and the tragedy lends itself better to the emotional core of the story.

(I'm just mad about certain reactions to the episode.)

I keep seeing this take everywhere since the finale dropped and I just...I genuinely have to ask. Who forgave Jax? Zooble didn't, at best Zooble simply showed some level of awareness that Jax was spiraling and despite what he'd done didn't want Jax to abstract.

Gangle never forgave Jax, never reached out to Jax, didn't even cry for Jax when she first abstracted and that wasn't presented as something wrong with Gangle but a completely fair thing given what she'd been put through by Jax!

Ragatha...didn't really forgive Jax, she just wanted everyone to get along and didn't want anyone to abstract not even him. Pomni's the only one who really showed compassion for Jax and "forgave" her, and that's because she was the only one out of the main cast who managed to cut through the bullshit, see that there was more, that there was something wrong, that Jax was hurting herself trying to keep people away and not just others.

Gangle did not have to forgive Jax, did not forgive Jax, and even when she finally did start crying it was acknowledged as more complex than actually just missing Jax.

Let’s get into it.

So, we all know Caine is the lover without a heart, right? I think this is central to the plot of the finale.

And with his absolutely *beautiful* scene with the Moon, I think he realized he always had a heart. His heart was the people he loved.

On a related note, I headcanon Caine as ace. We can see he’s very sex repulsed and doesn’t like swearing as per the sensor; and he flees when the Moon tries to be direct with him. Or just frisky

(“Ahh! Let’s get outta here before the Moon gets fRiSkY!”)

But I think after that scene, he’ll start appreciating her more. Hanging out with her and talking during the night, when the humans are asleep (since he doesn’t need sleep). Maybe he works near her. That’d be fun.

I think unconditional love, even when not fully deserved, is a BIG part of this show. It’s the reason they all kept Jax around, even when he didn’t fucking deserve it, he IS one of them. Nobody deserves to abstract.

Ribbit loved Jax unconditionally, so much that it led to their abstraction.

(like cmon Jax, get a fucking grip)

Pomni also loved Jax, and didn’t back down no matter what, even if it meant forcing communication down his throat.

(or, uh, choking the ever living shit outta him. gg pompom)

And being with him in his final moments? Pomni ik you’re a queen but Jax does NOT deserve you.

But hey, isn’t that the point of unconditional love? I’m glad he could at least accept her affection with a grin, even for half a second. She did get through to him, in the end.

Kinda.

Caine wants the humans love and affection, and tries to force it when that’s not how love works.

The humans love each other, and stick together despite their differences.

They didn’t make Caine feel loved, they made him feel hated, so he lashed out in the worst possible way.

(I’m not gay in the slightest but holy shit, Caine, why is this hot. What the fuck, man. Why are you so hot when you’re angry what- okay, no, no I gotta FOCUS-)

But he loved *them.* He loved them so much that he did THIS shit when fully believing they deleted him on purpose

(he also never learned it was a mistake btw. bro LOVES them and aura farms at the same time. fucking beautiful)

AND HE GAVE UP HIS CHANCE AT ESCAPING INTO THE INTERNET BECAUSE HE WANTS TO TAKE CARE OF THEM! HE’S A GOOD HOST

ANDANDAND HE USED IT TO LEARN ABT THEM BECAUSE HE LOVES THEMMMM

(I love how he had all of their names in his fucking pocket, so cute. I’ve compared Caine to Celtic fairies before, but this takes the cake. He’s a fucking fairy)

So in the end, the Moon loves Caine unconditionally. In spite of his actions, in spite of what he did, she still cares.

He needed to see that someone could love him for him, rather than what he could give or make. Just him, and that’s enough. Caine was able to accept it, but Jax just couldn’t.

In this world, the worst thing you can do is make someone feel unwanted or unloved.

That’s all, FREAKS.

I keep seeing this take everywhere since the finale dropped and I just...I genuinely have to ask. Who forgave Jax? Zooble didn't, at best Zooble simply showed some level of awareness that Jax was spiraling and despite what he'd done didn't want Jax to abstract.

Gangle never forgave Jax, never reached out to Jax, didn't even cry for Jax when she first abstracted and that wasn't presented as something wrong with Gangle but a completely fair thing given what she'd been put through by Jax!

Ragatha...didn't really forgive Jax, she just wanted everyone to get along and didn't want anyone to abstract not even him. Pomni's the only one who really showed compassion for Jax and "forgave" her, and that's because she was the only one out of the main cast who managed to cut through the bullshit, see that there was more, that there was something wrong, that Jax was hurting herself trying to keep people away and not just others.

Gangle did not have to forgive Jax, did not forgive Jax, and even when she finally did start crying it was acknowledged as more complex than actually just missing Jax.

the ancient greek playwright euripides: look🫵that one is wearing a mask (suddenly growing fearful) i don't know about the others...

me: in a way, this show could be read as a kind of greek tragedy. what do you think?

"All the characters just did random shit, they weren't characterized in a way I could follow or that gave them deeper personalities." said the fan of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure or most other anime

"The whole series was good except that ONE HORRIBLE CHARACTER, I wish the really clearly awful person wasn't also a main character" said the fan of Homestuck

"The fandom is really weird and has extreme, disparate opinions-- only the actual show is good, don't judge it based on the fans" said the Onceler fan

"I liked the whole thing so immensely but god I hated how it ended" said the fan of the Game of Thrones

"I can't believe the show was gonna waste all that time for nothing like that" said the fan of Pokémon

"I just didn't like how condescending and rude that character was, like cmon can you not tell you're being the asshole?" said the fan of Gray's Anatomy

"I just didn't like how much product placement there was CONSTANTLY throughout the WHOLE show" said the fan of sports

"Okay but why am I supposed to care about the emotions of a bunch of characters who were just digital people who aren't real anyway?" said the fan of Doki Doki Literature Club

"None of it matters in the end! The twist is that they're never escaping? Then it's like they worked towards nothing! It's all just data on some computer, that's dumb." said the fan of AI, and who was currently using the internet

"Why did it just have crying and talking as a solution to everything? Where's my climactic climax?" said the fan of Bojack Horseman or Adventure Time

"That plot was totally contrived. I mean, it showed things happening at the same time what happened at significantly different points in time, how is anybody supposed to follow?" said the fan of Kingdom Hearts

"I just don't like how they made a character with gender dysphoria. I can't relate to that." said the person who watched a show created by a transgender person from start to finish regardless

"Why did they have to be so subtle about a character 'haha kinda' being trans though? It felt so forced." said the fan of Infinity Train or Nimona

"Why did they make a character I like so outright mean and cruel? Isn't that completely out of character?" said the fan of Breaking Bad

"I can't believe they let the most cruel asshole in the universe find redemption, that's ridiculous. Why would they ever trust someone who was that awful?" said the fan of Dragon Ball Z

"What about the worldbuilding of all the other characters? There were so many of them that are just left in the dust after only a couple of them get the spotlight. I liked those guys more, what gives?" said the fan of Marvel comics

"It doesn't feel like they accomplished anything. I was lied to from the start." said the fan of No Country for Old Men

"But the character I liked died! How am I supposed to care about any of it now?" said the fan of the Bible or Marley & Me

"I didn't like that making that character a totally irredeemable piece of shit was the point. Aren't we supposed to only make stories with the most happy endings possible, and the protagonists get everything they want from the show and nobody dies?" said the fan of Puss in Boots

"It's just really uncomfortable, the twist of being locked forever away, conscious and tortured without anything they can do about it..." said the fan of the Twilight Zone

The wide-eyed one is about how she dissociates so to not feel anything, the loony-toons one is about how she pretends to be okay through comic relief, and I think the piano-playing one represents her feeling a need to use her talents and skills in order to feel validated. The most interesting to me though is the maid-dress one.

The first time we see Jax in that outfit, she gets super embarrassed and humiliated in it. My first reaction to that (and I was getting heavy egg vibes early on) was that her being in that outfit made her uncomfortable because she had to confront what she has been trying to hide. But I don't think that's all the maid outfit is.

I think it represents how trans people are faced with this pressure to pander to the fetishization and invalidation of being trans, specifically transfem people in this case.

In Episode 9, we get a glimpse at maid-dress Jax in the fantasy where Zooble is gone and Gangle is having a manic episode. Jax pokes fun at challenging gender stereotypes and then immediately follows it up with being flirty and suggestive towards Gangle, inviting them to their room for... something. We later see maid Jax say again that she's wearing the dress ironically, then says the f-slur just to hammer home the whole "lolz im like so gay and such a girl isnt it so funny???"

Although I may be projecting quite a bit here, I think it speaks to an experience I don't hear enough about. The idea that being trans isn't a real thing, that it's as legitimate as a porn category, and that certain media can and does perpetuate that idea. It speaks to how those who only just realise they're trans will go looking for information and resources on what it all means and how to navigate this, and then being met with so much sexualisation and ridicule of that identity. It speaks to how when you don't have any healthy or appropriate representation or security, you end up falling into that mould given to you by a transmisogynistic society.

Don't get me wrong though; I don't think it's inherently bad to play with that in sex, so long as all parties involved are aware, consenting, and able to consent to that kind of play. It's a performance that should be practiced with so much care and caution. But when an unaware and confused egg sees only that, with no stable or foundational identity to secure themselves to, making that fetishization the bedrock of their identity, that's when I think it becomes a problem.