✧

James is flabbergasted

And

Sirius: I will spoil you.

Remus: Please don't, it's embarrassing for me to depend on you

James: I will spoil you.

​Harry looked thoughtful. He tapped his chin. "I want a wedding."

​Sirius choked on air. "A... a wedding? You're five. You can't get married."

​"Not me," Harry scoffed. He poked Sirius in the chest. "You."

​"Me? Who am I marrying?"

​Harry sighed, a long, suffering sound.

​"You and Moony," Harry said like it was obvious. "Cake. Dancing. And you stop sleeping on the sofa."

​"We're just friends, Harry," Sirius tried weakly.

​Harry gave him a look of withering pity. "Uncle Padfoot. You eat off his fork. You pick the onions out of his soup. You steal his jumpers. You turn into a dog just so he’ll scratch your ears. You are not friends. You are... codependent."

​Sirius’s jaw dropped. "Where did you learn that word?"

@drarrymicrofic | wc: 231 | prompt: book

Chapter Four: Intentions must be stated plainly, with appropriate respect, ideally accompanied by a sincere compliment and an invitation specific enough to prevent social ambiguity.

“Didn’t think you were a reader, Potter,” drawled a voice behind him.

Harry slammed the book shut. “What are you doing here?”

“Buying books,” Malfoy said, shifting the pile in his hand. “A radical activity, I realise, in a bookshop.”

Harry glanced at the titles. “Romance, really?”

Malfoy flushed. “I am a man of refined emotional and literary appetites. Do not look so startled.”

“You read smut.”

“No, I read literature.”

“With shirtless pirates.”

Malfoy sniffed. “And what, pray, are you doing in the self-help section?”

“It’s just a book on… etiquette.”

Malfoy leaned in before Harry could hide it. His eyes widened. “A Guide to Pure-Blood Courtship Customs. Potter. Which pure-blood are you attempting to court?”

“As if I’d tell you.”

“If it’s Smith, I’ll vomit. Blaise? Theodore? Merlin, not Pansy—”

“No, no, no, and absolutely not.”

Malfoy listed out several other names, to all of which Harry said no.

Malfoy looked genuinely upset. “Well, who else could it possibly be?”

Harry’s face went hot. “Bloody hell. It’s you.”

“Oh,” Malfoy said faintly. “Oh.”

Harry swallowed. “Draco Malfoy, you're stupidly pretty, I’m serious about this, and I’d like to take you to dinner.”

Sirius' fighting with muggles' household utilities. My first contribution for Wolfstar Scrapbook Project, a picture for a sweetest fic "Sirius and the Vacuum cleaner" by Dory_thewritingfish.

/

remus, calling: hey james, i just needed to talk to sirius

james: oh did you call me by accident? :D

remus: oh no, he wasn't picking up! but he mentioned he was going to see you before he left

james: :) what

sirius, trying not to laugh:

remus: sirius? he said you two were hanging out?

james: uh, did he just leave :|

remus: no? he's been gone for a few hours--come on, mate, just let me talk to him

james: :(

james: remus, i think there's been a misunderstanding; sirius isn't with me---we didn't have plans---shit he might've gotten hurt---okay don't worry, ill call everyone and ask them if they've seen him; you know what, he has a bad attention span, he probably just wandered off and put his phone on silent D:

remus, laughing: oh my god, no don't worry, he's alright, this was just--this was just a prank

james, who had like 50 mini heart attacks: what

/

remus: hey regulus, sirius said he was spending the day with you? except its been hours and he won't pick up his phone. can i talk to him?

regulus:

regulus: no you may not; im hanging up

*hangs up*

remus: huh, i guess he's going to---

sirius: wait he's calling me

sirius, on the phone: hello?

regulus: where the genuine fuck are you and why did you lie to lupin

sirius: uh

regulus: im assuming you're setting up a surprise for him, or something equally disgusting; let me know in advance, so i can properly cover for you

remus:

sirius:

sirius, whispering: what should i say

remus: i dont know, ask him if he'd cover you?

sirius, on the phone: what if i was with... someone else? or doing something remus wouldn't like

regulus: you wouldn't even think about it, don't be stupid

sirius: hypothetically

regulus: lupin is the most tolerable of all of your pathetic excuses of relationships. hypothetically if you were to ruin this for me, i would shave your head

sirius:

remus: aw, you're like a brother to me too, reg

regulus:

regulus: this is a prank?

sirius: yeah <3 you're so sweet tho

regulus: kill yourself, both of you

*hangs up*

/

or

remus: hey pete, can i talk to sirius?

peter: uh sure, but why are you calling me

remus: he's with you, isn't he? he said he was leaving a few hours ago to go to yours? did he already leave?

peter:

peter: look remus, im not saying anything in anyway; this is probably a misunderstanding; like maybe he meant to come over but did something else; but sirius is not here, he hasn't been here for days, we never made plans.

remus: oh, thanks for letting me know

peter: look he has the attention span of a goldfish, he probably meant to come over and wandered off

sirius: wtf why does everyone say that

peter: was that him? did he come back

remus: haha no he's been here :);;; sorry, pete, this was just a prank--

/

remus: hey lily, im just trying to get to sirius, but i think his phone is off.

lily: he's not with me, but he might be hanging out with james?

remus: are you sure? did he just leave? he told me you two had plans, when he left, hours ago

lily:

lily: wtf, no we didnt---look remus, sirius and i have had no plans, we haven't even texted in like a week; i don't know why he lied, or if he mispoke, but somethings fishy here

remus: oh--

lily: look, ill call james, and you call peter, we'll get to the bottom of this--wait call his brother--- and i'll call---

remus: lily--lily--calm down, it was just a prank

sirius: wow you immediately sold me out

lily:

lily, hanging up:

/

remus: hey marlene, is sirius still with you? he isn't picking up his phone

marlene: he's not here with me; idk where he is

remus: really? he said he was heading to yours, and that was hours ago; did he leave?

marlene:

marlene: im sorry remus, but i think he lied

remus: oh

marlene: wait, give me a second

*hanging up and calling sirius*

sirius: hello--

marlene: you piece of shit; why did you lie to remus, you better explain yourself immediately---

/

remus: who else should we call

sirius: lets call one of reggie's friends

remus: why?

sirius: for science

remus:

remus: you know what, why not

/

remus: hey barty, i know this is a bit weird

barty: is everything good?

remus: yeah yeah; its just sirius isnt picking up his phone and i needed to ask him something; could you give the phone to him?

barty: uh, im not with reg today, you might wanna call him--

remus: oh i know! sirius mentioned you two were hanging out today? planning something for regulus

barty:

barty: he said that?

remus: yes

barty: ill call you back

*five minutes later*

sirius: i guess he's not calling

remus: yeah--

sirius's phone ringing: oh its regulus