I wish general society acknowledged that "boy moms" are often incredibly abusive. They are controlling and manipulative and they often isolate their sons (and daughters, boy moms are deeply misogynistic) from other family members, friends, and especially romantic partners. There is a reason why so many men who grew up with "boy moms" struggle to stand up to their mothers even as adults with partners and children of their own; it's because years and decades of emotional abuse and manipulation make it extremely difficult to both stand up to your abuser AND to even recognize it as abuse in the first place, especially when your abuser has spent your entire life telling you that they're the only person on your side and everyone is out to get her.
This isn't a justification for the way that these men treat their own partners and children and put them below their moms, but I really think we need to talk about this like the abuse it is and recognize that it's extremely difficult to move past abuse and trauma when you don't even have those words to explain your experiences.
(Do NOT tag this as narcissistic abuse; linking abuse with disorders instead of behaviors is ableist and makes it incredibly difficult for people to get mental health care and talk about their experiences with their illnesses. Most abusers don't have NPD and most people with NPD are totally fine and wonderful friends, partners, and parents.)
"Why do so many men put up with their moms manipulating them/pushing aside their partners/taking over their weddings/etc?"
The same reason why so many adults brush off their dad beating them as kids. The same reason why so many women don't bat an eye at how controlling their boyfriends and husbands are. Because that abuse is normal to them and it is painful and difficult to recognize how awful it really is, especially when the abuse is coming from someone that you love and don't want to hurt.
We do not need to make this into a "if the genders were reversed than maybe people would actually care" thing because the fact is that the genders ARE reversed and people DON'T care.
Men often see their daughters not just as their property but also as essentially wives for them, holding the same role in the household and "hierarchy" as the wife/mother does.
Men are obsessed with their daughters' bodies and relationships and will control every aspect of their daughters' lives, from what she wears to who she's allowed to date to what medical care she is allowed to receive. Many men still perform "virginity checks" on their daughters. Many arranged marriages happen because men think it is their right to control who their daughters marry. Girls who get pregnant young and are forced to keep the pregnancy talk about their fathers often treating them like wives and acting they're couples raising the babies together.
This is normalized in a way even boy moms aren't; many mothers not only recognize how their husbands treat their daughters as extra wives, they also see their own daughters as competition! Men force their daughters and step-daughters into playing house with them and then those girls are blamed for it by the women in their lives!
The fact is that this abuse is always to be brushed over and ignored as long as 1) women and girls are defined by the men in their lives, whether that's their fathers or husbands or sons and 2) children are seen as the property of their parents. This abuse happens because parents feel entitlement to their children's lives and bodies and that is, to most of society, a completely acceptable belief.
Like I need you all to think about how normal it is for young girls to be relegated to the kitchen and other "homemaking" tasks that their brothers aren't expected to do. How many girls, at family events and holidays, end up in the kitchen with their mothers and older sisters and aunts and the other women of the family to make the food and serve the men who get to watch the game or drink beer or play games together. How many girls, too young to understand the implications, are raised to serve their fathers and brothers even through simple things like bringing meals and drinks to them so that they aren't serving themselves.
This is training those girls to be wives. This is men AND women pushing their daughters to occupy the same space in the household as the wife and mother does. This is men treating their daughters as an Extra Wife™
