Michael J Patrick

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

"Use Phone" is a poorly named cantrip because it is mostly effective at distracting the caster. "Make Important Phone Call" requires a slot of Level 3 or higher.

The wifi one is so true.

‘capitalism works’ factoid actually untrue. the 62 people who own half the world’s wealth are outliers and should be eaten.

62 8

Absolutely nuts how they made up a number for this satire post and the correction is that reality is *more absurd* than the number they chose

no i’m afraid it’s even worse than that. 62 was correct in 2016 when the original post was made.

also afterwards everyone who was talking about their cool bunker fantasies were like "Damn, Devin's right, we should also be considering helping people around us." which is the only recorded instance of a retail shift making people better human beings.

PAINTING!!! THIS IS A PAINTING

CHAT THIS IS A PAINTING!!!

I went over this post twice before realising. I was like "oh it's just set up like a still life painting, right". NO IT'S FUCKING NOT!

reblog this and tell me your favorite album written and performed by a woman?

i've always believed the fixation on 'mean girls' specifically is because it's a violation of gender roles first and foremost--a 'mean boy' in high school is a regular high schooler. the internet isn't ready for this take yet though so be careful

I can't take this anymore because it interacts with my blood pressure meds. Do you have any acetaminophen (aka paracetemol)?

I guess bustin' really does make you feel good.

This sword is living its best life.