i think we have done ourselves and our communities and our communication skills a massive disservice by flattening so many experiences down to "trauma" or "harm" and equating "feeling uncomfortable" with "being unsafe."
i recognize that this didn't happen in a vacuum, and a lot of us are responding to a culture that doesn't take our pain or discomfort seriously and has denied or downplayed real trauma for generations.
however, i strongly recommend trying out some of these framings and phrases in order to develop some healthier, more resilient understandings of ourselves and our relationships:
I would prefer not to
I had a bad experience
I don't like that
I would need more support to be able to do that
I'm not in the mood
That bothers me
I worry about [specific negative outcome]
I'm not up for that today
I'd rather do/talk about something else
I'm not the right audience for that
I need more information first
That doesn't seem worth the time/energy
not every personal preference or unpleasant emotion must be linked to a psychiatric diagnosis or a trauma trigger. constantly interpreting your experiences through this pathologized lens is not good for anyone.
if you are surrounded by people who do not take your "i'd rather not" seriously unless you can cite DSM chapter and verse, you have shitty friends and need to hang out with different people.
also, no matter who you are or how traumatized you are, you do not need to avoid every discomfort. it is true that for someone with severe trauma, a ptsd flashback can derail their whole day and cause genuine physical and psychological suffering. however. this is different than "someone mentioned a tv show that my shitty ex liked" or "someone at an event made me feel socially awkward." we all go through negative experiences, and convincing yourself that you are so damaged that the only safe way to live is by demanding protection from anything that could make you feel bad is extremely unhealthy.
you need to be able to function as a human being even when the world includes things that are unpleasant or even painful. if you train your brain to experience everything you don't like as a "trauma trigger," you will create a reality for yourself where you are constantly under threat and develop an identity as someone who cannot manage any situation not completely under your control. you are capable of feeling sad, startled, annoyed, offended, disgusted, or nervous. i promise.
and if you truly are dealing with trauma symptoms on a level that genuinely disrupt your daily functioning and ability to maintain healthy relationships, that is a signal that you need to start working on your own healing. your goal should be to find ways to reduce the impact these symptoms have, not to just give more language and weight to them so they can dictate more and more of who you are and how you move through the world.
