FUCK ISRAEL

I remembered only two days after the supposed appointment and kept saying to myself, "I'll text her tomorrow to apologize and reschedule"

I didnt

eventually I ran out of triazolam. I've been taking it for 4 years now. I had completely forgot how life was before taking it so I said to myself "it's the weekend, what are you gonna do? text the psychiatrist you've been ghosting for a month ON THE WEEKEND for DRUGS? be for real. wing it. have some melatonin. have some marijuana tea."

slept like ass. legs ran a marathon each night. breathing was heavy.

boyfriend had a cough. woke up multiple times and, in my sleep-deprived state, snapped at him to shut up. poor guy replied with the saddest voice I've ever heard "amore, I can't control it"

borderline abusive. we laughed about it the day after

at one point, in the middle of the night the cat pooped on the ground next to the bed. I got up to clean it. cleaned everything, sprayed disinfectant and odor killer. went back to sleep.

brain went "WAKE UP IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT IN HERE" multiple times.

I would fall asleep, smell shit, wake up in a sweat. there was no more shit. brain kept making me hallucinate otherwise. made me hallucinate the smell of cat feces for 7 consecutive times at 4am.

I started smelling my own fucking breath and my boyfriend's breath out of fucking desperation. THERE WAS NO SMELL. HALLUCINATION.

eventually I realized I didnt have to be ashamed to tell my fucking psychiatrist that i forgot. so after the fifth sleepless night I texted her, asked her for forgiveness and to reschedule and PLEASE PLEASE SEND TRIAZOLAM PRESCRIPTION

never slept better in my life. never giving up on this shit.

I also realized that damn, girlie really believes in herself. if i was a psychiatrist and my patient didnt show up and ghosted me for a WHOLE MONTH, I would think they had CCCCHKR'd, you know? but no. bitch knows what she's capable of