professional grumpypants

Q. You want to raise every boy as a girl? Yes.

Q. Why? A boy will learn to hate girls as long as he is raised in such a way where he is treated as better, and superior to, his girl peers, whenever he is cruel to girls. So, instead, we raise boys as girls.

Q. What if they say they are not a girl, and want to be acknowledged as boy? Then you know they are a boy, so you must make sure to understand them as boy, and not a girl.

Q. What does it mean to be 'raised as a girl'? That's up for you to decide. The only difference is that you should not raise boys any differently than you raise girls, since you raise every boy as a girl.

Q. Girls and boys are raised in specific ways for specific purposes, so it does not make sense to raise boys as girls. If you raise every boy as a girl, then there is no being which is not raised as a girl, so anyone raised as a girl necessarily must learn to do anything and everything to grow up, without restrictions on tasks, labours, or interests.

Q. But boys and girls are different. All two girls are different, and raising girls in one specific way destroys this individuality in favour of moulding girls to serve the same master. Still, the girls resist to live life on their own terms. If girls can be raised such that they know they can do anything they want, including not being girls, so too will boys raised as girls.

Q. Why not raise every girl as a boy? Because if a girl does not exist among boys, then the girl is made.

Q. Why not raise girls and boys as themselves? The self must be made in a world where girls and boys can first and foremost be themselves. One step towards this goal is to raise every boy as a girl.

Q. The way people raise girls is cruel, so why would you raise boys with that cruelty? If you raise girls with cruelty, then you should stop being cruel to girls.

as i understand it the core point being made here is challenging the concept of "raising a child as a gender" entirely by going straight to the misogyny that is fundamental to patriarchal gender. to me this suggests "raise boys as girls" is about raising boys to identify with girls, rather than to develop an identity as a boy around opposition to girls. this is not being depicted as simply "genderless parenting" because it is making a specific point about misogyny & its role in gender socialization and identity formation. to deviate from patriarchal demands of masculinity is to become associated with femininity / girls regardless of intention or actual intentional performance of femininity (what i assume is meant by "a girl is made"). rather than trying to pursue an almost apolitical gender neutrality that fails because it doesn't engage with the role misogyny plays in preserving patriarchal gender as a whole, gender neutrality is presented as synonymous with identifying with girls, as under patriarchy the entire construction of gender is built (not exclusively but fundamentally) through sexism that is both oppositional (exorsexist) and traditional (misogynistic).

the point is that raising a girl should not involve cruelty, or stereotype, or stigmatization, and boys should be encourage to feel no shame or identity conflict in identifying as the same kind of being as girls. so its a purposeful act of provocation to say "boys should be raised as girls" which to me sends the message that challenging misogyny and challenging the construction of gender itself are the same project. and that being (raised as) a girl should not mean anything other than being raised as a whole person, as part of a community of whole people.

I had trouble understanding this part, so I reframed it in my head as:

"Because if [the other] does not exist... then [the other] is made."

Which might not be exactly what this is going for, but it helped me understand it a little more, at least from one angle.

"I'm going to write today!" somehow csp is open and my tablet is on my desk and I've doodled a cover for a short story and since I can't stop myself from going "HEY I DID SOMETHING", here it is!!

"And I heard your voice As clear as day And you told me I should concentrate"

Thriving: "I got this"

Calm and steady with minor mood fluctuations

Able to take things in stride

Consistent performance

Able to take feedback and to adjust to changes or plans

Able to focus

Able to communicate effectively

Normal sleep patterns and appetite

Surviving: "Something isn't right"

Nervousness, sadness, increased mood fluctuations

Inconsistent performance

More easily overwhelmed or irritated

Increased need for control and difficulty adjusting to changes

Trouble sleeping or eating

Activities and relationships you used to enjoy seem less interesting or even stressful

Muscle tension, low energy, headaches

Struggling: "I can't keep this up"

Persistent fear, panic, anxiety, anger, pervasive sadness, hopelessness

Exhaustion

Poor performance and difficulty making decisions or concentrating

Avoiding interaction with coworkers, family and friends

Fatigue, aches and pains

Restless, disturbed sleep

Self-medicating with substances, food, or other numbing activities

In Crisis: "I can't survive this"

Disabling distress and loss of function

Panic attacks

Nightmares or flashbacks

Unable to fall or stay asleep

Intrusive thoughts

Thoughts of self-harm or suicide

Easily enraged or aggressive

Careless mistakes and inability to focus

Feeling numb, lost, or out of control

Withdrawal from relationships

Dependence on substances, food, or other numbing activities to cope

Fanwork no.1 I made for 2026 stormblood's anniversary.

you have a follower who is consistently behaving toward you in an unpleasant way

you may not feel motivated to block them on your own behalf for a variety of reasons (it's not that bad, I can handle it, I don't want to hurt their feelings, they probably don't mean any harm, etc.)

ask yourself: would I be comfortable with this person behaving this way toward my close friends and mutuals?

Let me just open up that bad boy to my birthday and see my cool space vis---

I posted this a few days ago and something was bugging me, so I deleted it, and fiddled with it more. I like it a little better now.

avoid the big fish in this pond. do not seek to become one. avoid the fandom aunts, the "big name fans", the One Discord Server.

consider that how someone treats the people they despise and whether you're brave enough to disagree with them, should they turn that conduct on you. and if it requires a significant amount of bravery to think about telling them they've been a bastard, you may want to reconsider being in that relationship.

there will be people on here who will suicide bait you for being happy. they are very sad people and it is not your job nor your responsibility to engage with them. it's up to them to decide to do differently.

try to decouple your sense of self-worth from metrics. the number can never go up enough. i have a project that's >90% positive feedback and over 200,000 downloads and that does nothing for me on my day to day. it's nice if other people like the thing, but it's worth examining why you're creating and sharing in the first place and figuring out what you actually want.

do not treat the dsm like a holy text that must never be questioned

do not go in on sexual or gender identity based taxonomics

do not be cruel to people you deem lesser than you

The DSM is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and it's very easy for young people or folks lacking perspective to treat it kinda like team sports, or an inflexible Ruleset for How Things Are And Work. For young people with traumatic backgrounds it can feel like a source of immense validation, and seeing folks presumed to be Not As Authentically In Pain or "too happy" for the conditions they have they wind up using it as a way to select acceptable targets for harassment, often by trying to find "fakers".

This often winds up with genuine healing and progress behaviours being treated as evidence that someone was making up their condition, which can and does get people killed.

So my advice there is to just not get involved in that at all. Understanding that everyone is different and has their own journeys, and someone being in less pain is a good thing. Any community focused around hunting down those who Don't Belong will turn on its own members, and it's just a bad net to be caught up in.

"Fandom Aunts / Moms / Parents" are often self-described adults who have made Interacting With Minors In Fandom their entire personality online, often offering themselves as Surrogate Parents. While plenty of these people are genuinely kind and well intentioned, a lot of them skew towards deeply toxic and controlling behaviours under a veneer of Niceness.