Cheshire ❦

I don't know why i'm writing this, maybe i just want to say what i'm thinking after what i watched until now. I've finished 13 reason why just right now and i i adored it. But, to be honest, the only reason why i am writing this post it's because of a sentence i heard during the show and i started thinking about it: maybe we have to change how we care about others. That's why I want to share my esperience. I was depressed for a while. I felt empty, sad, and - expecially- i felt useless. My entire life was useless. I started to think that i could dissappear, sometimes i thought that something would change if it happened, maybe i would be free, free to stop to feel emptyness.

 Sometimes i thought about suicide. I thought that my life was just a failure. I was a failure and i was scared to feel this empty everyday because it would be worse. I was wrong. I'm not here to jugde your emotions- yes i'm talking to everyone is reading now-. I don't want to say: "you don't have to feel like that 'cause it's not okay, cause it's wrong. Don't commit suicide. Don't be depressed" An emotion it's an emotion, right? Your pain it's your pain, and anything that people could say won't change it. I'm here just to say: you not alone and you are really strong. I know, maybe you are thinking: "i'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of being strong and of saying my life is s hit. I just want to be happy." And you will. Someday, you will. I know , this "someday" doesn't help. Not enough. But it's true.

 I always hate this kind of thing, honestly. [Use hashtag, do post on instagram about serious topics But I thought it was appropriate to talk about it, however useless it might be, for everyone who was reading. At this point I want to say just one thing, and it won't be don't kill yourself, don't be depressed, as if you didn't have the right to feel bad. But if you kill yourself you will stop the only thing that motivated you to stay alive: the moment you would be happy, finally. If you do that you won't be able to be happy anymore. And I know, sometimes you think it's better to stop feeling anything, than to feel only pain. But pain isn't forever. I swear it's not a meaningless saying. You put up with so much just in order to feel better, make it stop and give up on everything. You're strong enough. One thing I've learnt about depression is that it can make you feel more alone than you actually are. People often say and do thing that hurt us, but even if you've been hurt, and you don't want to get hurt again, talk about it anyway. 

There's always somebody who wants to listen to you, who can understand you even if you think they can't, that they don't exist. But it's not others who will save you, if you can't grasp their hand, if you step back. It's not others who will save you, it's you. And I know you can do it, because you're not useless, you're not empty, and your life is not meaningless. You are not alone. I care about you, this is the only reason why.