Constant Brain Dump

he’s seen every step of the designs… he’s seen it soooo many times during the build.

and he has given some bits of feedback and we’ve made changes based on most of it. but we’ve also disagreed with some due to user research and told him what users said etc and he never pushed back any further….

soo we’re ready to go live and now he’s come along and said he’s not happy with it basically and he wants a meeting to discuss how we got to the current solution… even though he signed it off? and even though we have so much positive feedback from users?

originally he said he wanted the meeting this week. and that panicked me because my PM is on holiday and i don’t want to have to defend all our work on my own. but luckily he’s since changed that message and said next week.

spoke with my boss cos she had a call with him this morning to understand what’s going on. and i got rly upset cos im just so confused and frustrated by the whole thing. like i thought id done such a good job on this piece of work but apparently not.

she explained his thoughts and concerns and i was like right okay…. but he’s literally never said these things to us 😅 like why’s he let us continue building it for months and months and not stopped us and given this feedback if he was so concerned?!

i’m honestly getting so sick of this place cos BS like this happens so much and i just repeatedly feel like im shit at my job. but realistically i think im good at my job and people like him are just repeatedly terrible at communicating and then cause big issues like this across so many teams.

and i feel like i can basically never do any piece of work unless my boss is involved cos she’s the only person that seems to be able to understand him. and then i feel like a failure cos there’s always something wrong in everything i do. and i worry that her and the other senior leadership think im shit at my job. and i’m sick of feeling shit at my job and sick of having no confidence. cos whenever i do get confident, my work is completely shit on and i feel awful again.

i finished cutting in in M’s office before pole, then i went to the shop and then my grandparents which was nice, until my grandma started complaining about migrants coming here on boats and getting a free education etc etc and some story she’d clearly read on facebook… so soon after that i left 🫠

the bed is in! M is just finishing putting it back together whilst i’m ordering duvet covers and sheets 🌝😂

found out on monday the sales team haven’t been using the prototype i made them for 6 months. basically the managers didn’t share it round their teams at all.

some people did see my message about it, tried it out, didn’t know how to use it (didn’t look at the guide i made) and figured it wasn’t finished (i said it was finished) and just went back to the old one instead of asking me questions or anything.

and now they want it for a big pitch next week and suddenly they need it to do all these new things and be in a different order and they’re telling me how the order just didn’t make sense before.

like that’s fine but why didn’t anyone say this in the past 6 months?! i could have made these changes months ago and not be chasing my tail 3 days before a pitch for you!!!

oh and also a manager to me to make certain changes to it. i asked her a question and was concerned cos her changes meant starting from scratch… she didn’t answer me so i messaged someone on her team and he said no she’s wrong she’s misunderstood. so thank fuck i didn’t actually do what she asked!

anyway i finished early today and got my lashes done and i love them! and the girl was soooo nice we literally didn’t stop talking for 2.5 hours lool

our bed is against the adjoining wall.

for ages i’ve been thinking how we could make it work if we moved our bed into the front bedroom instead. but our walk-in wardrobe then wouldn’t be attached to the bedroom so that could be a bit annoying.

but i decided this weekend ive had enough of it and i wanna move everything round.

so we’re basically rotating each upstairs room. our bedroom will become the front bedroom. M’s office will move into the old bedroom. and my office will move into M’s old office.

the front bedroom is also an awkward shape cos of the chimney breast. but we’ve decided we’ll just have to put the bed in front of the window. it’s not perfect but i think we can make it look good by framing it with the curtains and stuff.

got a lil Gemini visual here - it’s not exactly what it’ll look like. it put too many frames on the wall and the mirrors in a weird place etc lol but you get the gist!

i’ve ordered the paint too, it’s arriving tomorrow 👀

and then i replied to her instagram story yday saying her holiday looked fab and she replied saying she misses me and wants to do sunday workouts. i said id be up for it. but i purposefully dont say anything else cos again, i cba.

and then 20mins ago she said “shall we do it this weekend?”

i’m also defo gonna try making straps next time. i figured i’d used elastic but the stuff i got is way too thin lol.

pic if you wanna seee

i wear a lot of bikinis for pole and i’m tired of them costing a fortune or that companies never have the types of fabrics i really want. or that nothing quite fits perfectly.

i have a few favourite ones that i wear repeatedly and i hate to admit it but they’re from shein 🤷🏻‍♀️ so my plan is to use them to make a pattern cos they fit me really well.

and then i can find cool fabrics and make my own. and then i can start experimenting with different trims and stuff and eventually different shapes too when i feel confident!

and i’d love to be able to adjust my own clothes and even make my own clothes too!

plus i found out that hobbycraft do 1-1 lessons for anything you need help with for £28 so that’s good if i do ever get really stuck. and i do know a few people that sew too so i can ask them.

it’s something i’ve been wanting to do for well over a year now. and i kept saying i wanted to do classes first.. but outside of the hobbycraft one theyre like £90+ a time! and i figured making basic triangle bikinis actually doesn’t look very difficult after watching a bunch of tutorials… its more the machine that overwhelms me but ive literally never used one so im hoping it’ll be fairly easy. ive watched videos of people using the one i got and it does look pretty simple so fingers crossed. i’ll prob try it out tonight and ive also got no plans tomorrow so im hoping to make my first bikini 👀👀

one of the founders showed me a screenshot of an email she got from our system and asked questions about it, and it had the address of a property she’s viewing on it. so obv i’m a nosy bitch and i googled it and oh my god it’s an insanely expensive stunning mansion. crazy.

and then later my colleague / friend messaged saying one of our other colleagues has bought himself a rly expensive monitor and he wonders if this guys come into money recently.

and he was just making a joke / hint because both of them were part of the company when it was a start up. so the staff hired back then were given shares as part of their package, which is v common with new / smaller companies that can’t necessarily pay the higher salaries.. this guy said to me last year that when we get investment he’s prob gonna sell his shares cos they’ll be worth a lot by then. so idk if some of these OG staff have sold their shares, or if they’ve been given some money or something… cos he was clearly trying to insinuate something.

anyway i replied saying “id rather not know” because obviously im going to be jealous. just cos someone started a few years before me, they now get tons of money. and also the guy who’s bought himself a monitor is the one that used to be on my team to ‘help’ with my workload and was an utter nightmare to work with and ive heard so many stories from different people about how bad he’s always been to work with…. so to know that he’s somehow kept his job all this time pisses me off anyway. last year he was super close to being put on a performance plan but the founder disagreed with it because they’re basically pals, cos he was the first designer they hired 🙄 so even though he’s repeatedly performed badly for years. he’s kept his job just because he’s been here longer. and now he’s gone on to have a role made up for him based on the few things he’s actually decent at, and now has a load of money. like…. yeah i just don’t need to know any more information thanks. the guy already pisses me off enough.