time capsule

getting to the age where younger people say DAMN when you say it outloud is so 😭 a very strange experience. seeing fine lines that weren't there last year is a very strange experience.

i also got double eyelid surgery when i was in korea lol but the results are soooo subtle that i'm like damn... i really paid $2k to look the same only other life update is that i now stan a jpop group called psychic fever and am seeing them in concert in february... like i can't believe it........ at this big age.......... i fell back into fandom and i'm exactly where i was when i was 13 SKLDGLSFDGJLSDKGJ whatever stream love fire

to be honest all i did this year was work and i'm pretty sad about that. like looking back at my past yearly updates and realizing not much has changed since i made those is sad! i thought i'd be doing bigger and better things by now. i'm very grateful for all that i have now, but i need to be more intentional with making time to explore my aspirations and plotting my escape from corporate america on a serious level 😭 born to travel and hangout, forced to create decks

i hope when i update next year, i'll have something more exciting to say

here's what i look like now. i don't think i've posted a selfie since i was in college (CRAZY)

soooooo i turned 26 this year. which is crazy. i don’t feel 26. i haven’t registered any age past 23 hahahaha i blame the pandemic. speaking of the pandemic i currently have covid (avoided it for 3 years) but i’m recovering well

life is pretty good! i’ve been at the same job that i mentioned in my last post (from 2021) and it’s been going really well. i’ve gotten the opportunity to be on set and art direct productions / shoots which i love. i’m actually in new york right now for a shoot. it’s not the moooooost creative work, but baby steps. i’d love to be able to move into directing my own stuff one day. like directing a music video or pictorial or creative directing a kpop group would be such a full circle moment.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT’S CRAZY is i had a work call recently and i recognized one of my coworkers...... as someone................ i used to follow on here................... LMAO like what.................. what a small world

i’m also going to japan in october! first international vacation since i was like 10. very excited but also planning for it stresses me out lmao. let me know if anyone has tips. 

can’t believe the pandemic is still a thing. i can’t believe i was naive enough to think it would be over soon when it began. i mourn the person i was before the pandemic; i’ll never be the person i was before ever again. i was so full of hope and ready to really begin living, and now i’m so, so cynical. i’m cynical because it hurts to read news of police violence and racially motivated violence over and over again, knowing that it won’t be the last. i’m cynical because people around me care more about their right to not wear a mask over others’ wellbeing.

i find myself desperately grasping at any chance of external validation i can get. am i talented enough, pretty enough, funny enough, unique enough? how do i get more followers on xyz? am i getting enough likes on this one design of mine? why aren’t i as talented as xyz?

now more than ever i miss having an online community to go to after hours. i miss having mutuals and connecting with people online. the only people i talk to now are my parents, my college friends (but we’re all so busy), and my coworkers.

speaking of coworkers, i’m starting a really cool new job on monday. it’s such a good opportunity for me and i’m so so so so grateful and humbled to be able to say that. but the thing is, i used to think that the moment i get my dream job at my dream company, i’ll finally be satisfied. but now that it’s sort of happened, i’ve realized that a job at the end of the day is just a job. and when all the titles and portfolio pieces and big names are stripped away from my identity, i’m left with something that resembles a drone. and that scares me. i don’t want to be just my job, but my job is all i know how to do well.

okay this post is too depressing. here are some things i’m happy and thankful for: - my entire family is fully vaccinated! - my friend is doing really well on her twitch channel and i love seeing friends do what they love to do - my best friend is coming home next month and i’ll get to see her - i’ve been trying to walk 10K steps a day and the sunshine/vitamin D really helps my mood - my new job is going to be such a good learning experience - i’ve finally upgraded my phone for the first time in 5 years

i turn 24 next week. i’ve spent 23 in quarantine. (i’ve been on tumblr since i was 13.) this wasn’t what i expected my early 20s to look like. but if the pandemic has taught me anything, it’s that there are just some things that are out of your control, and that’s okay.

no real life updates from me because everything has been on pause because of covid. i’m at home living with my parents (yikes) as i freelance my way through the failing job market. luckily i freelance on a very supportive team who is willing to keep me employed for as long as i need to be. mourning the loss of previous promising dream job leads, but it is what it is. things happen for a reason and i’m grateful to even have an income of any kind. i learned that working from home is NOT where i’m most productive. jesus. how did i get anything done in college... i’ve also gained a bunch of weight during quarantine and my self-esteem has plummeted sooooo hard because of it. but its ok, once i have access to a gym again and generally move around more regularly, it’ll go back down with some hard work. telling myself that this has happened to everyone and that i haven’t actually gained as much weight as i perceive to have gained. still feels shitty though. it was so hard and took so long to lose it the first time around...

on a more positive note, i am feeling good about one certain thing. i don’t want to speak about it much until it hopefully becomes true. i really hope it does and that the law of attraction is real. 

i graduated college last week with a bachelors in advertising woooooo

my mental health is in such a better place and i’m so grateful. and i’ve lost ~15 pounds so i guess my physical health is doing better too! hopefully i can lose another 15 to reach my goal of a healthy/steady BMI. very stagnant rn though because i’m at home with no access to a gym and lots of access to food lmao

currently at home home recovering from school (lol) but gonna be in nyc in february for a networking event where i will hopefully secure a job in the city!

watch my vlog of flushing, nyc if you guys want

- in new york for the summer! workin’ away, lmk if you guys have recs for aaaanything

- tbh that’s kind of it