Mentally Maternal

For nearly twenty years, I haven’t been a big fan of March. My freshman year of college, I lost a friend to suicide. The following year, a friend at college said she took a bottle of ibuprofen on the exact anniversary of my friend’s passing, which led to a night at the hospital and my anger at the world. My junior year was a March breakup, which ended up being life-altering, but at the time I…

I have a minor problem in my life right now. Actually, it’s a pretty big one, and this isn’t me mountain-ing a molehill. I’m pretty sure that Roarke is that kid. You know the kid. As a former teacher, I think all the teachers will know what I mean when I say that kid. But, even if you’ve never worked in education, you’ve known that kid. He’s so smart, “bright” was the word his teacher used at his…

In “Bluebird,” Miranda Lambert sings, “Thirty-four was bad, so I just turned 35.” Since November 28, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on what 34 held for me, and who I became, what I almost became. A month later, I’m still reflecting.  To put it bluntly: 34/2025? Not my year. Sure, there were a lot of lessons learned. There were moments of joy, love, pride, laughter. There were more moments…

I cracked.  I was sure I was broken, irreparably. Yet, here I am, finally ready to write about the past few months, trying to find the words to accurately describe a mental breakdown. So far, 2025 has been a year of change. While we’re finally at a point where everything is coming together in a positive way, it sure didn’t feel that way in the beginning of 2025, or the beginning of the school…

Today, I turned in my resignation letter.  Today, I made the choice–although, not on my timeline–to leave education for the foreseeable future. My letter was in a sealed, labeled envelope where it’s been for over a month.  I made the choice for my boys, my family, and myself.  Today, it doesn’t feel like that, but tomorrow it will.  For the past eleven years, I have given so much of myself to…

The truth about burnout is that it’s somehow both gradual and sudden. It’s like watching the snowflakes start out your window, and waking up to ten foot drifts. It’s gradual, until it’s not. Or at least mine has been. When I was a second year teacher, I had a rough year. I remember feeling like I’d lost my touch; like my first year, which was actually kind of great, was a fluke.  I met with the…

I told my husband, Nate, Friday morning–and Wednesday morning, and Monday morning, and Sunday morning–that I had an emotional hangover. An emotional hangover, for those of you who may not call it that, is what I call that heavy hearted, dreary thoughts, and physical exhaustion that comes after an emotionally taxing event. I also call it emotional burnout.  My emotional hangovers joined forces to…

It’s quite possible I’m experiencing a midlife crisis of sorts: two days before my 34th birthday.  My 28th birthday was my first identity crisis birthday. I was pregnant with Roarke, Nate was in Texas, I think, for work. I met my grandma and mom in Pierre, sending Griffin home with them because I had 6:45 one act practice, a daycare five miles out of town, and a teaching job I had to be at all…

I frequently find myself feeling like a top these days. Brightly colored, [head] spinning constantly, wobbly and unstable.  A poetic simile comparing my spiraling thoughts to a toy.  But, seriously, what the fuck is going on lately? It feels like the universe is just messing with me lately. Like it’s playing games with my life. Every time I think I get a handle on something, I’m forced to spin to…

Our Special Olympics Journey

Today, Griffin competed in the Special Olympics Regional Bowling Competition.  I’m so proud of his growth through the participation and how well he did today.  Today came with guilt and happy tears, because seeing your child interact with kids who are similar to them pulls at your heart a little differently.  No one really seemed to notice his stims, or question his insistence that he not…

I have found myself really leaning into my intuition, paying attention to the moon, crystals, the whole shebang, in hopes of finding something to center me. Listening to the universe, and dammit if she doesn’t yell when you listen.  Lately, I feel like I’ve been in this place of growth, of a crossroads. But I’m not sure where and why. What it means.  The end of the last school year was hard on…

Lately I’ve found myself wondering, what if I could be honest with the world about who I think I am, instead of who they see me as? How would I describe myself without the extrinsic labels that have been placed on me.  Am I flighty, scatterbrained, and a mess? Am I really as stubborn, abrasive, and loud as I’ve been told?  I feel like I often describe myself in the words others have used. You…

Before You Read: I don’t feel comfortable talking about something I don’t have first hand experience with, so when I’m talking about dysregulation in neurodivergence, I’m referencing ADHD and ASD.    I’m currently reading Kids These Days by Jody Carrington for a continuing education credit. As I’m reading about the idea of dysregulation, Griffin keeps coming to mind. I found myself googling “Is…

Most days, I am all about celebrating Griffin and all that makes him him. Most days, I am an advocate for him; using my voice in hopes of helping people understand what it means to have high functioning autism spectrum disorder (hfASD). Most days, I’m ready to go to battle for my son. Today, I’m ready to go to battle with, or better yet, against my son. Every time I think I’m getting a handle on…

I may be one of the only people who doesn’t love summer. I mean, like most people, I thrive on sunlight, birds chirping, and warmth. Like most teachers, I am so very ready for summer break by May. However, once the Fourth of July rolls around my anxiety skyrockets, and my depression usually hits too. It sounds crazy, right? The very things that create calm and peace in so many: sunshine, outside…

There are days, where I feel this complete sense of…completeness. The days where everything feels right in my world, and I’m filled with love for my family and pride for the life I’ve built. Yesterday was one of those days, and the beauty of it was that it wasn’t a perfect day at all. At 8 a.m. we loaded up in the car to go to our niece’s birthday party. It was a typical car trip in our family:…

If you have a child that is neurodivergent, physically different,  or has special needs you may have experienced a personal heartbreak over it. Moments where you may be hurt, angry, or just sad about how the world navigates any child, or person, who is different. After Griffin was diagnosed with high functioning autism spectrum disorder, I felt this period of heartache, of fear, of anger at…