#parental fears

Fictober 2025 - fanfiction (Mass Effect)

Prompt #4 - Can you hold me?

Pairings: mShenko

Characters: Caleb Shepard, Niamh Shepard-Alenko, Kaidan Alenko (background), Tadhg Shepard-Alenko (background)

Tags/Triggers: missing child

Full prompt response can be found on AO3 here

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They do not exist yet will not for many years but when I think of how she might treat small people too much like me for her comfort it makes my stomach start chewing itself

She did her best and I know that but the basic fact is that her best hurts in the bones and the stomach

Her love is a cold room

A lot of this overlaps with this answer. In this case, you can also pull statistics comparing the countries you’re applying to to the ones he wants you to go to. Definitely see if the programs have people he can talk to (people who help run the programs and/or parents of alumni). There are also lots of blogs by students in both of those programs so you can see if reading those would help him see that the students are taken care of well.

Good luck!

The first thing I’d look at is, if he’s in the picture, having your father intervene. If that’s not an option, and really even if it is, you have a few other options: 

1) Get your mother in touch with the exchange organization you’re considering. AFS and YFU both have online info sessions for parents to have their concerns addressed. They’ll be able to explain their process for checking host families, among other things. If you’re in the US, any organization on the CSIET outbound list is required to have specific support systems and procedures in place for students in any country.

2) See about compromising on when you go, as she may be more comfortable with you going at an older age. You can even talk about a gap year if being that much older would help, as it would also address her concerns about school progress. You would have to compromise on a country but it would be worth it if that were the only way she’d consider letting you go.

3) Statistics! If you’re looking at Japan you really can’t go any place safer. Show her their statistics on violent crime and compare them to your own and/or those of a nearby city you know she’s comfortable with. If she still has some random issues with Japan, see if there’s another country she’d be more comfortable with.

4) Address her concerns about school with concrete plans. That will also show that you have the maturity and problem-solving skills to handle an exchange.

In all of this, keep in mind that it is very hard for many parents to consider allowing their children to participate in exchange programs because it really is a leap of faith. Also consider that reasons she gives that may not make sense might be ways for her to avoid facing other issues that might be valid. Overall, try to be understanding while showing that you can address her fears maturely and be flexible and compromise when needed.

Readers, any other ideas?

I think it would definitely show that this is something you’re willing to put work in to and fight for, so I would go for it! Just remember to calmly listen to their side once you’re finished, and if they have any concerns try to address them as best as possible, or get them in touch with whatever organization you’d like to apply for.

You need to speak with the organization(s) you’re considering using and find out their procedures. Students with unique medical needs go on exchange too (YFU and AFS have both been promoting this) and the organizations will be able to tell you what they can work with, and how they address the needs and what that might cost. To give you one example for costs, I had insulin and glucose tested last month and got the bill today, and the price before insurance was $30 for the glucose test and $96 for the insulin ($7.77 and $22.61 after insurance, respectively). That can vary from place to place and I don’t know how the health insurance students receive through their organizations would affect the prices, but it’s a starting point.

Giving your mother information will help with her fears and show her that you’re dedicated and proactive (very important traits for exchange students), and that you take her concerns seriously (a very important trait for everyone :) )

The above applies to anyone with parents refusing to allow an exchange due to fears - get the relevant information and show your parents that you understand their fears and that you have the determination and skills to find out what they need to know and present it to them maturely.